Somerville High School - Radiator Yearbook (Somerville, MA)

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SOMERVILLE HIGH SCHOOL RADIATOR T A Scientific Bungle Bv Donald T. Bring, 1925 OW he got there he did not know. It is sufficient to say that he was there. He possessed a somewhat hazy idea that he had come from another world. That did not mat' ter. What did matter was the fact that he was hungry. Very hungry. In fact, although he did not know it. he had traveled over sixteen billion miles since last dining. Casting his glance over the nearly barren sur- face of his resting place, his eye fell on the battered remains of a huge rocket. Suddenly a glimmer of understanding came into his tired eyes. From the pocket of his overcoat he pulled a worn copy of the New York Times for April 16, 1963. Covering the greater part of the front page was an article informing the world that:— “John Simeon Simpkins, Jr., the renowned young scientist, will today set off in a specially constructed rocket in an endeavor to reach the moon. Dr. Simpkins will carry with him especially prepared scientific instruments, in- cluding a powerful radio set of the latest type, made by the S. S. Kresge Company of Boston.” With a satisfied smile Sim, as he was called by these of his friends who managed to pene- trate his armor of serene imperturbability, re- placed the paper in his pocket. The “powerful radio set of the latest type” lay scattered in as many parts as the latest model of Henry Ford’s “aids to pleasure and transportation’’ are after a few months of ser- vice. He pulled from his pocket a high tension chronometer in which was incorporated a cal- endar and an alarm clock, made especially for the trip by the foremost and best watchmakers in New England, at the Ingersoll factory in Waterbury, Connecticut. It was then high noon of the twelfth. He had started at seven that morning. From the aforementioned battered remains of his rocket he extracted a package of ham sandwiches and a speedometer. The speedo- meter registered 16,000,000,008 miles. He fell to munching the ham sandwiches and calculat- ing his distance from the earth. After a great deal of deliberation and consulting various charts and maps, he finally arrived at the con- clusion that he was not on the moon, but on the planet Startus. The name Startus sounded familiar. “Where,” said he. “have I heard that name before?” Suddenly he remembered. In an old scientific journal for 1931 there had been an article on the planets which were thought to be inhabited. The article, if he remembered rightly, had stated that this planet was in- habited by a race of savages, very fierce and warlike, in which case it behooved Sim to find a shelter which might be defended from at- tack. Why he had not looked farther than the immediate vicinity he did not know, for, as he rounded a clump of bushes he beheld a small hill, near the top of which was a stream of clear cool water. He immediately decided to make this the site of his home. He felt rather tired after the journey and excitement and so, postponing further improvements in his- condition, he made a couch of branches and retired. On the following day he spent a busy morn- ing transporting the contents of the rocket and the pieces of that vehicle up to the sum- mit of the hill. From the luggage compart- ment in the rear of the rocket he took four small trunks. The first contained his cloth- ing and personal effects. He set this to one side of the trail out of his way. The second contained food supplies, and this he took care to place within easy reach. The other two he opened when he had deposited them on the top of the hill. First he took out a vest pocket cement mixer, which with the utmost care he set up in the stream below the spring, in order to utilize the water power. Next came a com- plete electrical plant weighing only ten pounds but which could generate, using the same stream for power, enough electrical current for a small town. From the last trunk he took a. series of very thin aluminum plates, which he fastened together to form a fair-sized hut con- taining two small rooms. When the work of putting this together was completed, he set the tiny cement mixer to work while he col- lected rocks of various sizes. The completion of a well cemented enclosure of stone, surround- ing his aluminum heme, marked the end of his second day’s labor, and it was with a more se- cure feeling that he retired to rest. By noon of the third day he had strung a wire fence around the house, and a spring which could at will be charged with sufficient electricity to electrocute persons, and enlarged

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SOMERVILLE HIGH SCHOOL RADIATOR 6 Smoking and High School Scholarship By Frank X. Caiandrella, 1925 had been raining all day, and when jSjgi tpaj I had come home from school and IjSSglgS had dung my books on the table KSgjWJg in a fury of disgust, I walked up and down the room in that temper of mind which enables one to brow- beat the nearest person one meets. Finally I ceased my restless pacing and sat down gloomily on a chair. I opened one of my books in a listless manner, and my vacant eye gazed on a little paper which told me that I had an essay to prepare on “The Evils of To- bacco to a High School Student.” “Now,” I exclaimed, “can’t those teachers think of something else to pester me about than this evil?” I fingered the paper in an idle manner, and my memory brought back to my reminiscent mood that early period of my life when I had had a nauseous and never-to-be-forgotten ex- perience with one of my father’s cigars. Oh! my stomach turns when I think of it even now. The thought of that time brought a smile to my face and in a dash my irritability was gone. But still, although I viewed the essay as one of those things that doesn’t mean much, my mind had become fascinated with the subject, and before I knew it I had promised myself that I would ask my father for some light on the matter. When we were at supper I said: “Say, Pa, why is it that so many people smoke?” “Habit, son, just habit,” he replied. But I wasn’t satisded, so I ventured to say: ‘“Well, why can’t they break themselves of the habit ?” “Well, you see, son, they smoke a little at first, then a little more, until finally the habit just naturally a—er—oh, say why are you so anxious to probe into my knowledge of a smok- er’s habits?” “You see, Pa,” I returned easily, “the teach- ers at school want to know why the subject should be brought to the attention of a high school student.” “Do you know why?” I answered in the negative and he said- “Because they are the ones, above all others, who need enlightenment as to the insidious in- fluence of tobacco.” With this pithy opinion my father drew behind his paper. I pondered a while, and com- ing to no satisfactory explanation of his am- biguous reply, merrily and with supreme cour- age assaulted his newspaper. “Why, dad, do high school students need en- lightenment above all others?” He poked his head up from the paper, looked at me steadily for a second, sighed deeply, took off his glasses and put his paper in a place where he wouldn’t be able to find it again. After these preparations he folded his hands, leaned back in his chair and propounded in a solemn tone of voice, learned dissertations on the evils of tobacco. “You ask me, son, why high school students need enlightenment above all others in regard to the noxious influence of tobacco. First of all, you as a high school boy and others of your age are on the threshold of manhood, you are growing every day both physically and men- tally. In your studies in school you need all your powers of concentration if you expect to pass your examinations, you certainly do. Now you know that there are certain injurious elements in the composition of tobacco. Men whose minds are greater than ours have found this to be true, that these elements play havoc with the minds and systems of young men, and also have found that tobacco costs money and that, of course, empties your pocketbook of money which might have been well invested. “But that is nothing in comparison to how it affects one’s health. You remember Sam Jackson, the old plumber who suffered from stomach trouble a great number of years? When he went to a specialist the first thing the doctor asked him was if he was an habitual smoker. Sam replied: ‘Yes.’ “ ‘Say no more,’ said the doctor, ‘there lies the base of all your trouble,’ and after Sam had gradually stepped smoking there was a marked improvement in his health and ability to do his daily work. “And as for me, I am troubled with a rack- ing cough. Do you know what caused it? To- bacco. When I inhale the smoke of my cigar, the poisons it contains inflame and irritate the delicate lining of my lungs and bronchial tubes. When I am in bed at night, the act of breathing being more difficult in a supine po- sition, causes the excessive amount of saliva in my throat, which is due, you understand, (Continued on Page 10)

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SOMERVILLE HIGH SCHOOL RADIATOR $ his food supply with fruits from neighboring trees and some wild rice. He had not, however, seen any trace of savages. Two miles away great preparations were be- ing made for the wedding of Chief Oompah and the captive daughter of one of the gods of Mars. This unfortunate deity had in a reck- less moment cast aside his magic protection and tried living on Startus, bringing his beau- tiful daughter with him. Oompah, upon see- ing her, had straightway longed to add her to his seventeen other wives. Her father, protest- ing, had been speared by Oompah’s men before he could invoke the aid of his divine brethren. The unfortunate girl was almost immediately ordered to prepare for her wedding. She was left alone for a minute or two, and in a sudden desperate resolve, she lifted the back of the unguarded grass hut and stole forth into the night. Once clear of the hut she ran for her freedom. In the meantime Simeon, little realizing the important events which were transpiring with- in a few miles of him, had succeeded in put- ting together the battered parts of his radio set. and was trying to hear some of the sta- tions on the earth. He was getting W. G. Y. at Schenectady, when there broke upon his ears the most horrible barking that he had ever heard. He had just removed the phones from his head, and thrown the switch turn- ing the power into the wire fence, when the door burst open and into the room staggered a girl, her clothing torn and flesh scratched by the bushes and vines. With an agonized cry of relief she hurled herself into his arms and fainted. Sim was at a loss to know what to do. He had a feeling that this sort of thing was not exactly conventional, but as for a solu- tion of the problem, he had none. The bark- ing had suddenly stopped, so seizing two Ro- man candles which he had brought, he rushed out into the enclosure, leaving the girl, par- tially recovered, on a bench made of two of the trunks. Oompah, entering the girl’s hut a few min- utes after her departure, discovered her ab- sence. Calling his henchman, Snyderglob, he ordered him to summon the dogs. Oompah prided himself on two things, his wives and his dogs. Of the former he had seventeen and of the latter seventy. 11 is pack was the fiercest and best on the planet, and was used chiefly to subdue or pursue his seventeen wives when, in fits of anger or jealousy, they ran away. The dogs were now put upon the trail of the runaway and followed by Oompah alone, as usually was the case in his matrimonial con- quests, gained rapidly upon the fugitive. They were almost upon her when she beheld the strange hut with the light in the windows, and utilizing the last of her ebbing strength she pressed forward. Just as she stumbled between the strands of the wire fence the current was turned on, and fifty-five of the dogs following behind her sprang at the wire and were in- stantly killed. The remaining fifteen, seeing the fate of their comrades, stood for a minute in open-mouthed astonishment and then fled. When Oompah came up a minute later and saw fifty-five of his pet dogs hanging on the wire he went post haste for his tribe. They arrived in a remarkably short time greatly out of breath, just as Simeon emerged from the doorway with his two giant Roman candles. The savages, seeing him, rushed forward, but Sim, lighting one of the candles, turned it full upon them. Not being able to understand this force which sent balls of fire chasing them, they turned and fled, Oompah in the lead, stumbling over stones and brush in his mad rush. Believing himself rid of the savages Sim re- entered the hut. The girl, now fully recovered, welcomed him thankfully, and implored him to name his desire that she might serve him. “I would like,” said Simeon, “to return to the earth and take you with me. Ah, if it were possible.” He turned, but the hut no longer held another occupant. Puzzled he beheld the girl in the doorway, her hands raised as if in supplication. Her face was lifted and there was a smile upon it. Suddenly she turned and came toward him. “My prayer will be answered,” she exclaimed. “We will soon be on the earth, how? I do not know.” The New York Times for April 20, 1963, in- formed the world that:— Professor John Simeon Simpkins, Jr., the young man who, in the interest of science, es- sayed a trip to the moon, has returned to the earth. He reports that he did not reach the moon but the planet Startus. How he returned to earth he is unable to explain, as his rocket was demolished in the landing on the planet. He believes that it was through the aid of di- vine assistance, but, while we do not wish to argue with such a learned man as Dr. Simp- kins, we are skeptical. We learn that Dr. Simp- kins has just purchased the Snow estate at 11 Westwood road, where he will reside with his wife from Startus.