Smalley (DD 565) - Naval Cruise Book

Page 39 text:

'FIR the ever ready Shellbacks and their shillelaghs. QDictionary version-a stick to hit withj. Shoe shine boys and taxi service Qtorpedo truck? were provided for the convenience of the Shellbacks and lookouts were posted to spot such things as the equator, the sea bag, lost horizons, etc. At eleven oiclock, the royal party came aboard with King Neptune QMcAfeej presid- ing. With him came his wife, the beautiful royal queen CChief Baileyb, and the royal roly-poly bouncing baby CChief Stew, all 250 pounds of him After a short ceremony on the focisle in which the royal admiral CLT. Qjgj F. R. Smithi relieved Captain Collingwood of Command, the royal OOD, Ens. johnson, as- sumed the bridge watch and the royal court 35 was sct np to try the Pollywogs for their crimes against the Sea and the realm of Neptunis Hex. Rain started almost as soon as initiations, thus helping the Shellbacks make the Polly- wogs, who were huddled on the foc'sle, as miserable as possible. As the initiations started, the royal high sheriit QSchiebrelj and his assistant QChief Hicksj started the procession aft through a general cleansing with two hoses manned by McCardle and Villaire, two royal bears. The Pollywogs were then sent through a gauntlet of more bears, Knight, Hayes, Hubbard, and Covington, who proved that you donit have to be an Irishman to swing a shillelagli. As the royal court was approached, Howell, the royal scribe, presented the subpoenas while prose- y ,Q

Page 38 text:

54 ,v 3522215 X .,.. . fam , v 1 -I W ,E 1? G i 3 13 li ,4 -f ii i B A- y if Hrzfssing thc' Une Excitement and tension were mounting as the Smalley drew near the equator, the realm of the ancient domain of King Neptune, and Pollywogs were nervously contemplating visions of humiliation, haircuts, and smarting derrieres. The Pollywogs, however, were not without their moments of derring-do, for the day before the equator was reached, fire hoses appeared on various parts of the ship with Pollywogs manning the nozzles and the Shell- backs on the receiving end of the salt water. A M l l The momentous day started cloudy and a little cool, and when all hands went to the mess hall for breakfast, they found some of the highest paid messcooks in the Navy waiting to serve them. The Captain and his crew of officer-messcooks did a remarkable job of run- ning breakfast on schedule, and cleaned the messing spaces and steam table ,til all fairly glittered. At 0800 Davy jones QChief Cecilj and Peg-leg Pete QLaChancej came aboard and delivered the proclamation of King Neptune. There then followed a series of details for the lowly Pollywogs, as befitted their position of undesirables. Some patrolled the decks on hands and knees, their heads covered with pillow cases, and presented a tempting and ample target for 34 SE i

Page 40 text:

1 i i Q I i 5 r Z i Ql'oworj :uid ilu' iuiclc-rtal4or lMoinerSl. A it-w kind words were spoke-u for the prisoners l by Clliupluiu Nlcusing zuul u l'l2llI'CLlfNVZ1S given 2 K r irc-o ol cliurgc- by Nlc-Kuuury, thi- royal barber. i ltoyal bt-urs, Cook, lloggard and Applgby, 5 were prosoul at court to point out the proper clircctious and turu tho prisoners over to at- tcndauts llL'lL'll0l'l', Clliiof Cold, Martin and Crawford, who prosiclod ovcr the royal bath, 5 i from wht-:rc tho lowly, scrouugy Pollywogs had 53 i their last sins waslicd away. Their souls 3 cleansed, cach omcrgccl a clean, tired, and glorious Shcllback. 4 l cuting attorney Di Iorio and defense counsel f Mendoza stood by. Those Pollywogs who were l reluctant to be brought into court to pay for ' their rnisdeeds were persuaded by cudgel carriers Mcllroy, Boutwell, Burger, and Wliite, and also by the prongs of the devilis CSchaafj pitchfork. No one was to face trial if in poor health and the royal doctor CVasquezQ deloused sorne and sent others to the royal surgeon, Shorey, before being introduced to the King and Queen, and the bouncing baby. Justice was to prevail, however, and honest decisions were handed down by ludge Reden- baugh. Most Pollywogs threw themselves at the mercy of the court and by kissing the sliiny belly of the royal baby, gained royal favor and stayed out of the clutches of the hangnian GREETINGS AND BEUYARE XVHEHEAS, The goocl ship Smalley, bound southwarcl for South Seas is about to enter our domain and the aforesaid ship carries a large and slimy cargo of lancllubbers, beach- conzbers, gutterrats, sea-lawyers, lounge-liz- Clfcls, parlor-clannigans, plouf-rleserfers, park- t bench warmers, chicken-clzasers, hay-tossers, r chit-signers, sanrl-crabs, four-flashers, Squaw- i men, pig-looers, cro.s'sworrl puzzle bugs, and i if all other living Cl'f'l1lIIl'f'S of the land, and last ii'p 5 but not least, he-oamps ancl liberty-houruls y s ey falsely masquerarling as .s'eanu'n, of which low ZC 'l'r UUH are a nienzber having never appearecl j ag -. , up Uf0l'C US, S6 as r Y r in