Sioux Falls College - Sioux Brave Yearbook (Sioux Falls, SD)

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Pag 2 CAMPUSTOWN CHRONIC-ILL WHO WaS WHO Fifty EARS aGO Ingvold Blap, One Tomato Man — Founder and first mayor of the village. When Ingvold (That was his name but his descent is decent) Blap said to his family, Let ' s Campus on that hill, the town was founded and named all in the same breath. One Tomato Man was an appellation given him by the Indians who were angry because only a single tomato grew in his garden, and the Indians were very fond of tomato coctail and tomatoes too. (Red skins, you know.) Josephus Percival Adolphus Tonic is still living with us today, as are Josephus, Percival, and Adolphus, Tonic ' s three pet hares. Tonic is hair to the heir tonic millions, and his favorite ad is, Put hair tonic on a linoleum floor and in the morning it will be a rug. Little Tooth Ruthless — Little Miss Toothless brought fame to our town several years ago when she won a beauty contest sponsored by the Consolidated False Denture Manufacturers of America. It will also be remembered that the child won fourth place in the Perfect Baby contest held by the Condensed Milk company when she was two months old. Ulp and Gulp Hansom — Twin grandsons of Ingvold who really started factory business in Campus- town by inventing gum. Gum was useful as glue, an instrument adapted to picking pockets, for furniture ornament, and for paci- fiers for persons with lugubrious tendencies. Mrs. I. Gos- sipea — One of the ladies with whom Ulp and Gulp ' s invention came in very handily. Mrs. Gossipea believed in doing things in a big way. Why have bak- ing powder in cakes, her twentieth century phil- osophy would lead her to say, when it ' s only a teaspoonful any- way. What good could that little bit do? This tendency of hers led to the establishment of a bake shop by certain philanthropists and dypspeptics. Isee Icy I. C. Ice — Former ic eman, but he had to be fired because of his conscientious qualities. Icy can be found any time you want him down by the smelting plant looking for the piece of ice he lost as he stopped to talk to the fireman twenty-five years ago today. Mr. Scarrington — Mr. Harrington, no one remem- bers, was first editor of the Chronic-Ill during the period when that paper made such excellent fire material. His policy was education for the masses, and we are sure that masses of flies and mosquitoes were edified by the learned words as the papers flew into the garbage can or were used to make kites to glide through the ethereal waves. First Baseball Team — As soon as nine men had congegrated i n Campustown a baseball league was formed. Reading from left to right are: Ma- yor Ingvold Blap, Ulp and Gulp, Mr. I. Gossipea, Josephus Percival Adolphus Tonic, John Smith, Mr. Pocho- hontas. Isee Icy I. C. Ice, and Mr. Scarum. If you can only see two people, your eye- sight is bad. If you can see them all, it ' s worse.

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5c per Copy (It ' s All Copied) THE DAILY CHRONIC-ILL (Formerly Campustown Cramps) Campustown ' s (Mis) Leading Newspaper CAMPUSTOWN, MAY 37, 3933, A. D. Campustown Suffe rs Fiftieth Growing Pain SPOT 10 GANGSTERS AS COUNTERFEITERS Detectives Seize Fake Slugs From Candy Machine As Eviden ce Implicating ten of Cut-throat Caspar ' s gang, city policemen woke out of their lethargy last week and seized a number of counterfeit coins from the slot machine on Bizznez Offiz avenue. According to deputy sherif Charles Davis and Detective Sterling Palmerton, these coins are believed the work of Caspar and his murderous outfit because they have all the ear marks of expert criminology. No arrests have yet been made, as the detec- tives are gathering further proof. Evidence so far con- sists of a number of but- tons the exact size of a nickel coupled with a re- petness of Oh Henry booths immediately after the buttons are found. The combin- ation points to Marjorie Fauquet and Virgil Spike Kleespies. Further, pasteboard coins have been found, and whenever these are discovered gum wrappers are very much in evidence around the machine. LaVonne Olsen, Ruth Paxon, and Luella Anderson are suspected in this connection. Other members who, it is alleged, put life savers into the slot and received more valuable candy in return are: Marianne (Gun Moll) Milliman, Ella Pederson, Wayne Shenkle, and Dorothy Parsons. ed and Ached Get Kicked Out Finally As their last jaunt before ejection, set- tlers of the town who have lived here fifty years or over held a rousing picnic in soccer field today, marked by egg stains and watermelon juice on the frocks of Mrs. O ' Connell and Mrs. Boyd. Those who participated were: Frances Diver, Carl Druley, Irma Farnsworth, John Gibson, Donald Hephner, Kermit Jacobson, Homer Krentz, Orville Melquist, Fern Nelson, Roy Preston, Emil Raveling, Oscar Rodriquez, Dora Smith, Kenneth Thomas, and John Whitney, all seniors. Matter Jimmy Injured Wont Recover-We Hope As an appropriate cele- bration for the city ' s fif- tieth year of progress, Maher Jimmy Maher is confined to his hospital bed following a sever: blow on the head last even- ing when a small child, Frances Sexton, shot a bean at his brow. His case is reported [ critical, since he is unable to talk, but his condition is expressed as hopeful — that is worse. Ag WEATHER Bad for rheumatism. Good for growing corn. Bad for groaning corns. Somewhat cloudy in Negro section this evening. Maher Maher TRUANT OFFICERS LIST OFFENDERS; WARN THEM Eads and Snox Rule Yongsters Must Wear Rompers Truant officers Leslie Eads and La Verne Snoxell today issued a list of yunog- sters who will henceforth be compelled to wear their bibs and rompers to school or suffer a second sousing in the slimy slip- pery Sioux. The children listed are all between the ages of 17 days, and have suffered at least 49 Vi F ' s apiece. They are: Mike Strahon, Judith Nel- son, Marcelete Malmgren, Roscoe Har- rington, Gertrude Sigler, Roland Wold, Marguerite Nelson, Emery Olson, Lyle Kellogg, Florence Pearson, Russell Pearson, Grace Prewitt, Robert Russell, Charles Schroyer, Clayton Smith, Dorothea Tan- quist, Edwin Tomlinson, Edward and Wil- liam Taylor, Violet Valkenaar, June Fri- man, Robert Vickerman, Donald Vopat, Oris Wickland, Florence Wiles, and Cath- erine Shaw. Tiny notes in the shape of halters in- closed in NET cups proclaimed the fact to guests at a puzzle party that Miss Ada Walradth is engaged to Ignacius Polly- wag. The wedding will take place sometime after Ignacius has gathered his fall harvest. FIRE CHIEF UTTERS FIRST WORD TODAY Herbert Schoeneman, fire department hief, said Nerts today, the first word he has said since he was struck dumb (un- able to talk) fifty years ago. The word was spoken vehemtly and with violence. It is expected that he will utter another word before two years are up. Doings Begin Oily While Dare- Devils Kill Time With Canon Patrotic Meet This Morning School Children Perform; Free Acts, Concessions, Fire- Works, Auto Race Amid the flaunting of gay purple, orange, and white flags, the flagging of trains, the training of shots, the shooting of bombs, the bombing of buildings, the building of — well what? Campustown torcherously suffered its fiftieth growing pain today. Police chief Elwood Renner martialled his huge force: Richard MeKenna, first assistant chief, and Jack Gregory, second assistant vice-president chief, that they might be ready to meet the vital emergency confronting them when the tumultuous mob would surge from hibernation and celebrate the hysterical occasion. The bunch was estimated at 59 ' ., the latter figure being Don Barton, of whom only half could be seen. (Perhaps he was only half there.) Fire! Fire Activities began oily this morning when Jack Howlett of the Neverspill Service Station spilled some grease which im- mediately caused a conflagration on the corner o f Gym and Administration avenue, since Chief Loafer Norman Hanson had dropped a match on the same spot a minute before. After a terrible struggle in which the entire three in the fire department took part and after the sacrifice of an equal number of buckets of water as well as Ray Sietsema ' s coat, which he took off be- cause he was too hot, the fire was ex- tenguished. Cannon Bellows The contract was let for the first block of pavement day before yesterday. It will be placed before the Ekstein, F. Johnson and G. Johnson, Pigiron, Leather, Shoe- (Continued to page 141) ETHMOID ROGERS SAYS All I know is what I read in the newspapers, and I haven ' t read a newspaper for twenty years, but I still know rnore than them there college students. Yours for fewer newspapers, Ethmoid Rogers.

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CAMPUSTOWN CHRONIC-ILL Page 3 EDDY TORIALS They Faught for Naught Looking back fifty years to the founding of Campustown as well as looking at the inhabitants ' black faces has reminded us once more of the Civil War, that great battle between England and the Spanish colonies in which the United States gained its liberty. After due deliberation members of the staff have decided that the United States should never have entered the Civil War in the first place because it was just butting in on foreign affairs, and as our 14th president had stated before that time, Beware of entangling barbwire. Remember the policy of frigidation. In the second place, to quote prominent members of the Ladies ' Aid, Mesdames Helen Westman, Jeanne Van Brunt and Janice Van Brunt, there would be no unemployment nowadays if slavery were still in existence because all the people with dirty faces would of a natural law be slaves, and those who had white faces because they took the trouble to wash them would naturally be their masters and make them work whether they got payed or not. Refuse Congratulations, Mr. Refuse Although you have refused the position as garbage commissioner, Mr. George Koplow Refuse, we are congratulating you on being unanimously elected honorary garbage commissioner by the town janitor. The term honorary is strictly implied as meaning with ser- vice, but without salary. The people of Campustown have awarded you this high honor and we know you will not refuse it, but just refuse (the garbage) . In an interview with Mr. Refuse he stated his main objection to the acceptance of the position, and seeing that the major one could easily be done away with, we burned the incinerator. His chief objection was, I don ' t like to be incineratin ' . Nerts to the President By Bobbie Taylor A great question is before the people of the United States as a result of the new administration. Does President Franklin Delano Roosevelt eat peanuts, and if so does he prefer them salted or in the shell? It has been whispered that he eats Jumbo peanuts, and there has been much agitation among public-minded citizens about this matter since it is a published fact that this particular kind is the most expensive. Is this economy? Is this cutting down the cost of running the government? Of course, the people also realize that it would be taking valuable time if the president had to shell the peanuts, and there would also be extra work for the janitors and housekeepers sweeping up the debris. However, it is evident that no definite action can be taken on this question rat present. ANYWAY, WHO CARES! Pupils of Dr. Ethmoid to Give The Little Red School House for PTA Under the direction of their devoted teacher, Mr. Roswell Rogers, the only in- structor in this vicinity who has a Ph. D. degree, and who is sometimes known as Dr. Ethmoid, the children of Campustown model school will give a play to- morrow night before the PTA (Patented Torcher Appliances) at the Ether Waves school. The play which portrays the horrors of school life is the original work of Dr. Ethmoid, and is called, The Little Green School House. It is commonly understood that the rogue in the play is a characterization of Dr. Ethmoid in his own remote school days. The children who will take part and the roles they will portray are: Josephus Hulk, Virgil Kleespies; Sadie Gashouse, Edith Kentfield; Etta Pancake, Ida Shel- don; Spike McGuire, Ralph Matthews; and the absent minded professor, Dr. Ethmoid, of course. Dr. Ethmoid was very modest about taking the leading part, but then he said, No one can put the exact air of realism into it like I can, and if anyone else took the part the whole thing would be ruined. Other features on the PTA program will be a talk by Mrs. John G. Hein on What is the Younger Generation Com- ing To? and a short song by Marie Baumann called When You and I Were Kids, Maggie, by which time the meeting will be adjourned, we are sure. President Grant Farnsworth will preside. Extra! Mrs. Vitamin Recalls Childhood Though Sixty-five She Can Still Work and Beat Her Husband Ah yes, my childhood, said Mrs. A. B. Vitamin, when recently interviewed. It is so long ago, I scarcely remember it, but one vivid recollection stands out, and that is that every spring my mother gave me a dose of sulphur and molasses. Poor Mother, if she had only known. Now I take Vitamin fruit compound and am stronger in every way, do all my own work al- though I am 65, and still have enough streng th to beat my husband every night. Fifty years ago I rode to Mrs. Minerva Jones ' sewing school every after- noon in a buggy behind a sorrel gray mare, and how vividly I remember the time I played hookey. My conscience bothered me for months afterwards, and I never done such a wicked thing again. ' Then there were the rides John and I used to take on a bicycle built for two, and afterward we would end up with a hilarious party in which a number of us would gather around the piano to sing songs. Those were the good old days. VERSUS RHYME By Wood B. Poet I cry and cry. I wonder why I am so sad. Guess I ' m mad At the world. With flags unfurled 1 11 go on and on Until the cruel life is done. And with the earth I ' m mingled. Hope I ' ll make good fertilizer. If Girls Would Only Know I can ' t understand why he doesn ' t call me up. Poor girl, I thought, should I tell her. And then I decided to take the risk. Someone had to tell her why she was ignored by all the promising young men. My dear, I said, You are one of the prettiest girls I know. Your complex- ion is fair and smooth. Your eyes are big and blue. Your teeth are white and pearly. Your hair is dark and curly. BUT you don ' t wash you stockings in Sweet Scent Soap. It is so simple and convenient, and you know every man can tell when a girl uses the wrong kind of soap on her stockings. — Adv.