Sioux Falls College - Sioux Brave Yearbook (Sioux Falls, SD)

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5c per Copy (It ' s All Copied) THE DAILY CHRONIC-ILL (Formerly Campustown Cramps) Campustown ' s (Mis) Leading Newspaper CAMPUSTOWN, MAY 37, 3933, A. D. Campustown Suffe rs Fiftieth Growing Pain SPOT 10 GANGSTERS AS COUNTERFEITERS Detectives Seize Fake Slugs From Candy Machine As Eviden ce Implicating ten of Cut-throat Caspar ' s gang, city policemen woke out of their lethargy last week and seized a number of counterfeit coins from the slot machine on Bizznez Offiz avenue. According to deputy sherif Charles Davis and Detective Sterling Palmerton, these coins are believed the work of Caspar and his murderous outfit because they have all the ear marks of expert criminology. No arrests have yet been made, as the detec- tives are gathering further proof. Evidence so far con- sists of a number of but- tons the exact size of a nickel coupled with a re- petness of Oh Henry booths immediately after the buttons are found. The combin- ation points to Marjorie Fauquet and Virgil Spike Kleespies. Further, pasteboard coins have been found, and whenever these are discovered gum wrappers are very much in evidence around the machine. LaVonne Olsen, Ruth Paxon, and Luella Anderson are suspected in this connection. Other members who, it is alleged, put life savers into the slot and received more valuable candy in return are: Marianne (Gun Moll) Milliman, Ella Pederson, Wayne Shenkle, and Dorothy Parsons. ed and Ached Get Kicked Out Finally As their last jaunt before ejection, set- tlers of the town who have lived here fifty years or over held a rousing picnic in soccer field today, marked by egg stains and watermelon juice on the frocks of Mrs. O ' Connell and Mrs. Boyd. Those who participated were: Frances Diver, Carl Druley, Irma Farnsworth, John Gibson, Donald Hephner, Kermit Jacobson, Homer Krentz, Orville Melquist, Fern Nelson, Roy Preston, Emil Raveling, Oscar Rodriquez, Dora Smith, Kenneth Thomas, and John Whitney, all seniors. Matter Jimmy Injured Wont Recover-We Hope As an appropriate cele- bration for the city ' s fif- tieth year of progress, Maher Jimmy Maher is confined to his hospital bed following a sever: blow on the head last even- ing when a small child, Frances Sexton, shot a bean at his brow. His case is reported [ critical, since he is unable to talk, but his condition is expressed as hopeful — that is worse. Ag WEATHER Bad for rheumatism. Good for growing corn. Bad for groaning corns. Somewhat cloudy in Negro section this evening. Maher Maher TRUANT OFFICERS LIST OFFENDERS; WARN THEM Eads and Snox Rule Yongsters Must Wear Rompers Truant officers Leslie Eads and La Verne Snoxell today issued a list of yunog- sters who will henceforth be compelled to wear their bibs and rompers to school or suffer a second sousing in the slimy slip- pery Sioux. The children listed are all between the ages of 17 days, and have suffered at least 49 Vi F ' s apiece. They are: Mike Strahon, Judith Nel- son, Marcelete Malmgren, Roscoe Har- rington, Gertrude Sigler, Roland Wold, Marguerite Nelson, Emery Olson, Lyle Kellogg, Florence Pearson, Russell Pearson, Grace Prewitt, Robert Russell, Charles Schroyer, Clayton Smith, Dorothea Tan- quist, Edwin Tomlinson, Edward and Wil- liam Taylor, Violet Valkenaar, June Fri- man, Robert Vickerman, Donald Vopat, Oris Wickland, Florence Wiles, and Cath- erine Shaw. Tiny notes in the shape of halters in- closed in NET cups proclaimed the fact to guests at a puzzle party that Miss Ada Walradth is engaged to Ignacius Polly- wag. The wedding will take place sometime after Ignacius has gathered his fall harvest. FIRE CHIEF UTTERS FIRST WORD TODAY Herbert Schoeneman, fire department hief, said Nerts today, the first word he has said since he was struck dumb (un- able to talk) fifty years ago. The word was spoken vehemtly and with violence. It is expected that he will utter another word before two years are up. Doings Begin Oily While Dare- Devils Kill Time With Canon Patrotic Meet This Morning School Children Perform; Free Acts, Concessions, Fire- Works, Auto Race Amid the flaunting of gay purple, orange, and white flags, the flagging of trains, the training of shots, the shooting of bombs, the bombing of buildings, the building of — well what? Campustown torcherously suffered its fiftieth growing pain today. Police chief Elwood Renner martialled his huge force: Richard MeKenna, first assistant chief, and Jack Gregory, second assistant vice-president chief, that they might be ready to meet the vital emergency confronting them when the tumultuous mob would surge from hibernation and celebrate the hysterical occasion. The bunch was estimated at 59 ' ., the latter figure being Don Barton, of whom only half could be seen. (Perhaps he was only half there.) Fire! Fire Activities began oily this morning when Jack Howlett of the Neverspill Service Station spilled some grease which im- mediately caused a conflagration on the corner o f Gym and Administration avenue, since Chief Loafer Norman Hanson had dropped a match on the same spot a minute before. After a terrible struggle in which the entire three in the fire department took part and after the sacrifice of an equal number of buckets of water as well as Ray Sietsema ' s coat, which he took off be- cause he was too hot, the fire was ex- tenguished. Cannon Bellows The contract was let for the first block of pavement day before yesterday. It will be placed before the Ekstein, F. Johnson and G. Johnson, Pigiron, Leather, Shoe- (Continued to page 141) ETHMOID ROGERS SAYS All I know is what I read in the newspapers, and I haven ' t read a newspaper for twenty years, but I still know rnore than them there college students. Yours for fewer newspapers, Ethmoid Rogers.

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THIS PAGE represents the hallucinations of the cameraman and the art editor. Meredith Hall McKenna and Deihn at the Big Fraudcast McKenna as Dracula A mask from the dramatic de- partment — with added attractions Eichhorn, the flagpole sitter Rogers and Lucy Norris chasticizes a Freshman Is everybody happy? ' : Schoeneman on the fount Frost, the art editor Editor and company sittin ' in the park Gus Helfert plus added features DAVIS, prominent Gospel team worker, snapped in a customary environment. On Jorden Steps, Manson, Geer, and Miller. Rico Stylus staff in action

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Pag 2 CAMPUSTOWN CHRONIC-ILL WHO WaS WHO Fifty EARS aGO Ingvold Blap, One Tomato Man — Founder and first mayor of the village. When Ingvold (That was his name but his descent is decent) Blap said to his family, Let ' s Campus on that hill, the town was founded and named all in the same breath. One Tomato Man was an appellation given him by the Indians who were angry because only a single tomato grew in his garden, and the Indians were very fond of tomato coctail and tomatoes too. (Red skins, you know.) Josephus Percival Adolphus Tonic is still living with us today, as are Josephus, Percival, and Adolphus, Tonic ' s three pet hares. Tonic is hair to the heir tonic millions, and his favorite ad is, Put hair tonic on a linoleum floor and in the morning it will be a rug. Little Tooth Ruthless — Little Miss Toothless brought fame to our town several years ago when she won a beauty contest sponsored by the Consolidated False Denture Manufacturers of America. It will also be remembered that the child won fourth place in the Perfect Baby contest held by the Condensed Milk company when she was two months old. Ulp and Gulp Hansom — Twin grandsons of Ingvold who really started factory business in Campus- town by inventing gum. Gum was useful as glue, an instrument adapted to picking pockets, for furniture ornament, and for paci- fiers for persons with lugubrious tendencies. Mrs. I. Gos- sipea — One of the ladies with whom Ulp and Gulp ' s invention came in very handily. Mrs. Gossipea believed in doing things in a big way. Why have bak- ing powder in cakes, her twentieth century phil- osophy would lead her to say, when it ' s only a teaspoonful any- way. What good could that little bit do? This tendency of hers led to the establishment of a bake shop by certain philanthropists and dypspeptics. Isee Icy I. C. Ice — Former ic eman, but he had to be fired because of his conscientious qualities. Icy can be found any time you want him down by the smelting plant looking for the piece of ice he lost as he stopped to talk to the fireman twenty-five years ago today. Mr. Scarrington — Mr. Harrington, no one remem- bers, was first editor of the Chronic-Ill during the period when that paper made such excellent fire material. His policy was education for the masses, and we are sure that masses of flies and mosquitoes were edified by the learned words as the papers flew into the garbage can or were used to make kites to glide through the ethereal waves. First Baseball Team — As soon as nine men had congegrated i n Campustown a baseball league was formed. Reading from left to right are: Ma- yor Ingvold Blap, Ulp and Gulp, Mr. I. Gossipea, Josephus Percival Adolphus Tonic, John Smith, Mr. Pocho- hontas. Isee Icy I. C. Ice, and Mr. Scarum. If you can only see two people, your eye- sight is bad. If you can see them all, it ' s worse.