Shawnigan Lake School - Yearbook (Shawnigan Lake, British Columbia Canada)

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Shawnigan Lake School Magazine « How to Succeed at Latin » I am aware that a learned scholar of one of the great English Schools has preceded me in the task I have undertaken, but whereas he expressed his ideas in verse I intend to adopt the simpler form of prose, because I feel sure that the majority of people after reading his opening couplet, you are wishful to be pat in The ancient art of writing Latin. would feel little desire to read further, and if they did they would be com- pletely put off by two lines a little further on, Ye shades of Tully and Erasmus, Teach me to use the queer chiasmus. At once they would ask, What is a chiasmus, anyway? and who are these gentlemen, Tully and Erasmus? I could not answer the first question my- self without reference to a dictionary, whilst I could only suggest that Tully sounds as though his stock-in-trade was wedding veils, and that Erasmus, if I am not mistaken, is to be ranked with Messrs. Enos, Kruschen, Andrews and others whose special line is salts. No one nowadays desires to learn Latin of his own accord: some of us have to learn it of necessity. Hence had I thought fit to express myself in verse I should have begun: The many hours I have sat in Detention to rewrite my Latin. which would at once convey to my readers what a perfect right I had to under- take my self-imposed task. The whole matter is really a very simple one. On receiving a copy of Rev- erend Kennedy ' s standard work promptly embellish the cover with its now universally recognized and revised title, The Shortbread Eating Primer, or if it is bound in green The Revised Way of Eating Prime Beef. Write also in different places on the cover the word Poison and any other witticisms which occur to you. The master will then give you what he supposes are sufficiently cogent reasons for the school remaining on the Latin Standard, but you will let them run off you like water from a duck ' s back, and refuse to be converted. Being now in the proper frame of mind for approaching the subject you turn to the verb amo at which you gaze with the feeling that it would be more fitting to learn J hate, but enquiry elicits the information that the latter word is defective. Your inward comment as to who is mentally so is too obvious to require writing down. After six weeks of unswerving devotion to amo the page parts company from the rest of the book, as the over-ripe fruit from the tree, and is never found again. This is a sure sign that you know the first conjugation and are now fully competent to study mensa. This is one of the rarer words in the language, presumably because, as the Romans were always fighting — or such is the impression derived from the exercise books — they never had time to sit down to a meal in comfort, but always took it picnic fashion. This noun is studied for the remainder of the term, at the end of which the master is able to 28

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Shawnigan Lake School Magazine The Games One night as I was getting into bed I thought how pleasant it would be if I could be taken back several centuries and get an idea of the life of some earlier period of history. Just as I formulated this wish I felt a tap upon my shoulder and turned around to find myself face to face with an old, white-bearded man wearing a long white gown, who addressed me as follows: Young man, your wish is granted. Only tell me to what age would you like to be taken back and I shall be able to oblige you instantly. I was slightly taken aback by this strange turn of events but nevertheless I was determined to see it through. So, after a little consideration I decided I would like to be taken back to the time of Nero to witness one of the gladiatorial displays in the Circus Maximus. The old man told me to close my eyes for an instant, which I did, and then opened them to find myself seated on a stone bench in the great arena with my ancient companion beside me. Apparently the display was just beginning for in the centre of the arena were two stalwart young men advancing towards one another in a very formidable manner. Neither of these was armed but sud- denly I saw one of them stretch out his arms, grab the other by the hair, and throw him over his head. This did not seem to affect him very much as he im- mediately picked himself up and advanced to meet his opponent, who changed his tactics from the offensive to the defensive. It was the other ' s turn to attack this time and suddenly stooping down he grabbed his opponent by the leg and then proceeded to whirl the unfortunate man round and round. All of a sudden he let go and his opponent went for about two yards in the air before landing on. the ground with a thud. I could hardly believe my senses when the man rose from his feet with no hesitation whatsoever and advanced to meet his opponent who waited for his attack. It soon came, for the man, when he was within five yards of his opponent, suddenly rushed at him, gave him a great punch in the solar plexus and then lifting his gasping opponent bodily he hurled him headfirst to the ground. This time the man did not get up and the winner retired carrying the beaten man with him. The next event was a duel between a short, thickset man, armed with a small dagger, and a large black bear. This fight was short and sweet for the man rushed at the bear, which was exhausted by months of starvation, and plunged the dagger in between its eyes. The creature sank to the ground and died almost immediatley. Next came the main event which was, my companion told me, the perse- cution of some Christians by lions. Presently the unfortunate Christians ap- peared unarmed and clad in only a loin cloth. Against ten Christians there were two lions which was really more than enough, I thought. The unfortunate Christians were herded together into the centre of the arena while the two lions stood on one side looking at them and licking their chops as though they saw in them a possible meal. I cannot describe the different sensations I experienced, as strangely fas- cinated I watched the lions approach their cowering victims, but to my relief, as they were about to spring, I awoke. — D. P. O.

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Shawnigan Lake School Magazine write on your report that you have a sound knowledge of the subject up to the point reached. Your holidays and the money you receive at Christmas can be most profit- ably spent in buying cribs, or if you prefer a more refined word keys to the various text books used, after which you can sit back in comfort and with their aid sail through Matric with over sixty percent. I hope shortly to be able to make Mathematics, French and English Gram- mar as simple, provided the editor will publish my articles. « CORRESPONDENCE » To the Editor, Shawnigan Lake School Magazine. Dear Sir: May we venture, through the medium of your world famous magazine, to put an end to a long and foolish argument which has vexed the wise men of many countries for a number of years. We refer to the question of whether Bacon wrote Shakespeare or not. It has always been remarked by all close students of the works of the so-called Bard of Avon that there are a remark- able number of references to pigs in his plays — to quote but two examples: 1st witch: Where hast thou been, sister? 2nd witch: Killing swine, and again: — 1st witch: Pour in sow ' s blood. Now a further point which has apparently been overlooked until now is the fact that the so-called Shakespeare has a daughter called Susanna. It is obvious, even to those but slightly acquainted with the Latin tongue, that sus means pig: add to this the fact that his son was called HAMnet, and we have two further conclusive proofs of his desire to tell those wise enough to understand that Shakespeare was a mere nom de plume for Bacon, or cooked pig. But why, someone may ask, did he assume the name of Shakespeare? This point troubled us for some time but we eventually solved it as follows: In Bacon ' s day the shaking of a spear (ancient spelling speare) was obviously an act of intimida- tion towards one ' s foes and was meant to put them off: he therefore thought that it would be the right name for one to use who was endeavoring to put off those who wished to know his real name. There is, of course, additional sugges- tion of his real identity conveyed in the word when we consider that spears were principally used for boar-hunting in his day. But enough of these refer- ences to pigs: Bacon was not the man to leave his work of self -revelation incom- plete, but he gives us a very definite proof of his real name in one of his plays. Now one of his plays is called King Lear, and Lear it will be noted is an anagram of the word real. So it is that in the very title of the play he lets us know that he is going to tell us his real name. Not contented with this broad hint, he states quite bluntly early on in this play Meantime we shall express our darker purpose, and a little later the significant remark is found Time shall 29