Scituate High School - Chimes Yearbook (Scituate, MA)

Page 33 text:

THE CHIMES 31 which would unite with the air of this zone and form a sort of shield, which would allow the sun ' s rays to penetrate but which would hold back the heat. I found that a small quan- tity of this g ' as did not have the desired effect, but that 1 should have to loose the necessary c|uantity at once. This gas, you must realize, worked only in the case of the torrid zone. The way I figured was that I could collect enough gas and let it go at once; then the earth would become ' Coo ' ler. If the earth became too cool, then the gas that I had evolved would lose some of its properties and allow enough heat to enter to warm the earth to normal. This, as you see, would always keep the earth in a temperate cli- mate. Working on this idea, I evolved my gas and launched it abroad into the atmosphere. Everything went as planned; the gas formed the shield and kept out the heat and the tor- rid zone became gradually cooler. But, alas, the other part of my theory did not work. The earth after cooling below normal did not warm up again as expected; instead, it grew steadily colder. The cold air on the gas I had evolved had caused this gas to unite more firmly with the air. In a short while the torrid zone had become a place worse than frigid, and for five years I have been experimenting, plan- ning, and devising methods to remove my gas from the air, but I am afraid I shall never succeed. In attempting to re- move a blight from the earth I have saddled the earth with a much worse blight. Sorrowfully yours, Robert Bresnahan. 18 Solidio Place Torrididia, Antarctia, Hello folks, January 3, 1956 How ' s everything? I ' m a salesman now. Can I sell you anything? No! Then I ' ll give you some talk free of charge. I ' m living down in the little country of Antarc- tia. Gee, the weather ' s great. We haven ' t had a day be- low 40° F in ten years. You know how cold it used to be down here when little Dick Byrd was puttering around here about twenty-six years ago. Well, it ' s all changed now. You see, ever since they found they could burn the coal underground and convert it into energy much cheaper than they could mine it, everything has been l almy down here. This coal, burning under the surface, has warmed all

Page 32 text:

30 THE CHIMES network of ultra- violet-ray-adinitter tu])es, which touch ev- ery room in the city, this water with the conhned hi ht rays is allowed to fall. As the water falls through the tuhes, the liglit rays are diffused e(|ually to all rooms so that every room is lighted at all times hy these light-rays from the sun. These rays also contain their original heat so that all rooms are heated to an ecjual, healthful temperature. Half the energy of falling water is converted into electricity, while the rest of the energy is used in forcing the water hack to the top again. This supply is re-rayed again hy the soluray ])rocess and used again. This falling water also causes air currents whicli completely ventilate the huilding. We ha -e enough excess of the rayed water to carry us through any period in which tlie sun should not appear. I am inven- tor, owner, and general overseer of all this system. I liave now well over two hillion dollars in my , }ersonal for- tune. I am very happy with my wdfe and children, and I hope all of my friends in Scituate are happy too. Yours truly, Ernest Dillon 14 Gogistan Via Lepigwistan, Equatof rigid Kihitzer, Ji- ne 4, 1955 I am very glad to hear from you. I understand you wish to know of my success and surroundings. Well, I shall en- deavor to enlighten you about both. I am now in Equator- frigid which was formerly the warmest place this ' side of H ades, dxit which is now as cold as a girl ' s icy stare. It is all my fault. How can I ever repair my mistake. Oh, the injustice of it all after my trying my l:iest to alleviate the heat of this district, — to get this result. It is indeed terrible. I wnll tell you about it. Miile in school tw enty years ago, I had occasion to give intensive study to the torrid zone. After reading about the disease and suffering caused l:.y the intense heat, I de- cided that my life ' s work would l)e to lessen these people ' s discomfort. ' ith this determination in mind, I embarked for Lepigwistan w ith my personal chemical outfit. I had already determined that this alleviation was to be done by chemical and not by mechanical means. For fifteen years I labored to find a method to lessen this intense heat. Einally I found a way. By mixing three chemicals together, I evolved a gas

Page 34 text:

32 THE CHIMES Aiitarctia and made a crital)lc ])aradise of it. All the surplus i as that is evolved, on seeping- up throui h the earth, acts as a fertilizer so that we have the l)est loam to he found in the universe, ' hy, even the luxurious dirt that was recently found on Alars cannot compare with this. We have wonderful foliage, all kinds of fruit trees, and everything in the line of agriculture, and plenty of forests. To get hack to my business, I am, as I said, a salesman. 1 sell numerous thing-s. I will described the two most im- l ortant. I sell temperature ice cream, — perhaps you don ' t know what that is. Well, I have invented a process by which when it gets a little too cool down here to eat ordinary ice cream, the ice cream becomes warmer and acts on the sys- tem just like that good old beverage, hot chocolate. I have also manufactured the apparatus for a sport which is very popular down here. It is called Shiraqua. A small four-wheeled car with a highly polished top about three feet wide and six feet long is mounted on some well-greased wlieels. These rails are about one-fourth of a mile long, with a slight grade. The racks end al:)ruptly about two feet in the air. Beyond the ends of the tracks is a cement swim- ming pool about three hundred yards long. To participate in this sport one must have perfect coordination of all muscles. The participant lies flat on the top of the car which starts at the lower end of the grade. The person has no grip on the car except at the front end to keep him from sliding off backwards. The car, which is driven by a pow- erful motor starts up the grade. It increases its speed to about eighty miles an hour. AA hen it reaches the end of the rail, a paddled bumper stops the car immediately, but the occupant goes flying off into the air to land in the pool of water. The record distance for being thrown is held by myself. I raised the speed of the car to ninety miles an hour and was catapulted exactly two hundred and twent} ' - five yards. No other person has come within fifty yards of reaching this record. If the people of Sicituate wish to try this sport, write to me and I will give you detailed in- formation about it. Perhaps I can sell some of them the whole apparatus wdiich is built and sold by the Dwyer An- tarctia Shiracjua Com])any. I am very well off and I wish my Kibitzer friends the best of luck. Amours for a sale. Herbert Dwyer