Sarnia Collegiate Institute and Technical School - Collegiate Yearbook (Sarnia, Ontario Canada)

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THE COLLEGIATE II7 Bill- How's your poultry farm coming along Payne? D Payne- Not very good I've been swindled. I bought three different incubators and not one of them has laid an egg yet. Pk Dis Dk Pk. Dan-- Did you hear about Morrow in Detroit last week looking for the Free Press building to get his suit cleaned up? Bill- That's nothing. VVhy just last week Ritchie was in the new Detroit Library looking for the Book Cadillac. IK Pls Pk Pk Eleanor- May I speak to the captain? First Mate- He's forward miss. - Eleanor- Oh' I'm not afraid. I've been out with the Sarnia Collegiate boys. ' Traveller's message to an Innkeeper- Extricate my quadruped from the vehicle. Estabulate him. Donate to him an adequate supply of nutri- tious elements, and when the aurora sun shall illuminate the Oriental horizon, I shall reward thee with a pecuniary recompense suitable to thy amiable hospitality. A Innkeeper- Yes, yer honor. ' wx: :if HF IfVhen asked how he got out of prison a witty rogue replied, I got out of my cell by ingenuity, ran up the stairs with agility, crawled out the back window in secrecy, slid down the lightning-rod with rapidity, Walked out of town with dignity, and am now basking in the sunshine of liberty. :Ia :V .- Pk In Grandmother's day all the young people looked before they leaped. Now they leap and let the world do the looking. A.- I was cited for bravery and got a medal. B.- I was sighted with the rum Heet and got five years. Roy B.- Did you ever take one of those German mud-bath treat- !! ments? Bill E.- No, but I played in the Old Boys' rugby game -last fall. :if is Pk Pk Spears Qtelling the boys about his recent huntj- IYhy fellows my 0'un let our a roar, and in the clearing ahead of us there layitwo dead rabbits. I VVise- I-low long had they been dead? :if Vic :ac Barber- Hair-cut, sir? Teskey- Yes, but don't make it too short: I don't want to look too effeminatef' Stover fafter the Qld Boys' gamej- IYhat happened Gord. XK'ere you in an accident? . Mattingley- Noi I was being shaved by a lady barber when a mouse ran across the room. :r is :rf bk Teacher- Tommy do you know your letters ? Tommy- Yes sir g- let 'er go, and let 'er rip. . Teacher- Bright boy. Go to the tap and wet your head. A brain of such fertility can not be kept too moist. '

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II6 THE. COLLEGIQATE Some say that Red's gonna be a mess, But I think that he'll be a big success, Lets drink to his wife Cwe wonder whoj? I wish him good luck and the same to you. Ode to Red Nicol from 2A ite',. if :lf lil ik Miss Harris!- IVho signed the Magna Charta? Freshie- Please Miss Harris. it wasn't me. . Miss Harris lfdisgustinglyj- Oh take your seat. Inspector- Here, call that boy back. I don't like his manner. I believe he did do it. wk af wk wk Things We Can't Imagine Dwight Simmons in knee pants Marion Sullivan with a boyish bob. Dayton Stover Hustered. Mr. Andrews with his hair combed. Florence Andrews on a Kiddy Kar. I Ted Teskey with a moustache. Shirley Logan whispering very quietly and meekly. Jim Ritchie cutting up. Elmer Moore playing rugby. Mr. Keeber without a grin. S. C. I. Senior Rugby Team being invited back to XYindsor Hotel. Kitchener. Bill Lackie getting athletic. X :k :sf X Daughter- How do you like my new party gown, father. Father- IVhy daughter, you surely aren't going out with half youi back exposed? Daughter tlooking in mirrorj- How stupid of me. I have this dress on backwards. Under the heading: Gas Overcomes Girl IVhile Taking Bath the following appeared in a newspaper: . Miss Cecilia M. Jones owes her life to the watchfulness of Joel Colley, elevator boy, and Rufus Bacon, janitor. Q :lf Pk Pk PH New Scientific Discovery It has been discovered by certain forms that an animal called the .Iackass haunts the region of Mr. Dore's room. This strange animal enters the room in the form of an innocent First Former and then takes on the characteristics peculiar to his breedq The Jackass is perfectly harmless, and contents itself with acting as dumb as possible and taking up the time and attention of the remainder of the form. Upon being questioned by one of the pupils in his class as to the appearance of this animal, the inspiring reply was, Just like you only with longer earsf, It is believed that the Jackass is some relation to the ass which has been lately discovered by Mr. Keene amongst his students. Tom- VVhy did you hit the cleaner, Stover? Dayton- He removed a spot from my clothes. McKay- lsn't he supposed to do that? ' Stover- To be sure, but this was a ten-spot.

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II8 THECOLLEGIATE The Modern Son H7 Mother- Ilommy, run to the store and get 1ne some sugar. u Tommy- Excuse me mother, I am somewhat indisposed this morn- ing. Send father, and tell him to bring me a plug of tobacco. ' a::e:xv:c So It Would , A citizen who was marketing had his attention drawn by a boy of some twelve years, who seemed anxious to get hold of one of the many water-melons piled up in the market. It seemed like a good chance to sow a seed in the lad's mind, so the citizen beckoned the boy and asked, My boy would you like to steal one of those water-melons? Yes sir, was the reply. ' You would eh. I am sorry to hear that. If you should steal one of those melons, my boy, do you know what the result might be? The boy scratched his head and surveyed the pile again. Yes sir, I 'spect the plaguey thing would be green all the way through. is 24 Pls ik 7! !7 Cap- Say Bill whatls good for a girl's fallen archesf, Bill- Rubber heels. Cap- XVhat do you rub them with? if Plf P3 PK Miss N.- Have you ever done any public speaking? Rose- XVell, I proposed to a girl over the telephone in my home town once. :: :s Dan- So that's your new tie. XYhy on earth did you select such a loud colour? Ted- I didn't selectlit. My brother did and he is rather deaf. 224 221 ik PSC XVilmer- Do you know who that sweet little girl is that I've been dancing with all the evening? D fb Glad.- Oh, yes. thatls mother! Pk vii Pk X Dolly- You,re great Cooky! The way you buck the line, dodge. and pick your holes is wonderful. You must have been born to it. Ray- Not exactly, but when I went to public school mother used to take me shopping with her on 'dollar days'. as :r as Ralph- How did you like the rugby game? Augora- It was terrible, they didn't even play. XVhy just at the start 'lied got the ball and started to run with it and everyone else got rough and started to jump on their opponentsf, 2? Pk PK Pk Ruth- Until I bought a -:ar I never knew that profanity was so general. Eleanor- XYhy, do you hear much of it while d1'1V111g on the road?,' Ruth- I sure do. Everyone I bump into swears terriblyf, a: if wx Harold- 'l'here was something funny about you last night. ' 3 Helen- Oh yes, but I sent him home as soon as I could' Miss 1-larris- XVhat was Brock noted for? Mercurio- His wonderful memoryfl . . V . yy Miss Harris- W hat makes you think he had a great memory? Mike .... Didn't they erect a monument to it? I l l