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Page 258 text:
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254 Legerdemain
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Page 257 text:
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Their family had fallen on bad times ever since their father, Turnov, was killed by his serfs — for making waves. Now the three brothers, after having to abandon a life of philosophy, redundancy, theology, and general putzing around, were reduced to hauling stale baked goods to the rich. Through the wonders of modern science, and the blunders of Russian novels we can listen in on what the three brothers are saying as they approach the Manderlybrocuz-cuz estate. ‘‘I am so glad this haul is soon to come to an end!” proclaimed Onanov. “I too, I too,” repeated Takitallov. “I cannot see how you two could possibly be concerned with such trivial things when there is so much important philosophizing and general putzing around to bedone.” Buzzov said as he swerved to avoid a rock and instead hit a small rabbit. “It was not that we are ignorant of our philosophy, dear Buzzov, Onanov responded, “it’s just that we don’t understand you.” “As I have told you before, my dear brothers,” Buzzov said. I con- sider myself a Veggieist. I believe that the true meaning of life can only je found in wilted lettuce. Buzzov, I can really get behind what you are saying, and I respect our space. I expect you’ll mellow jut but I enjoy interfacing with where you are coming from.” Dnanov said as he imagined himself sitting in a hot tub sipping Perrier. “Totally, Totally,’’ added Takitallov. “Look! Proclaimed Onanov, “we approach our destination!! The three brothers sped up the dirt road to Manderlybrocuz-cuz, bits f rabbit flesh flying off the chrome mumper as their speed increased. The brothers stopped and hopped ut of the truck. “You have brought the Biscuits?” jsked Karem-Abdul Sergenitov. “Yes, replied Buzzov. Before we get down to the business, let me introduce you to my hree maids, Karem-Abdul said as he three women approached. Hello, Hello!! Matilana Moseltov »aid to Takitallov. I “Greetings, Greetings!!” replied Takitallov. They immediately fell in love and walked off together. Pia Ezadorinsky was next. Pia went up to Onanov and said, “Hello, my name is Pia Ezadorinsky and in the true tradition of all Russian women, I am in love with a man who does not love me, betrothed to a man I do not love, and I am having an affair with the master of this estate — Karem-Abdul Sergenitov. When Karem-Abdul heard this, he had a heart attack and died. Onanov dared to reach out for Pia’s hand. She kneed him but he still held tight saying, “Ggh, marry me! They stood holding hands as Jane Stanislophskyhumbe- minkelchickovantidisistablishme- ntarialism stepped up to Buzzov. My name is Jane Stanisloph .. . Gm, please don’t.” Buxxov said, stepping over the body of Karem-Abdul. “Right, well, I am the rebellious one, I don’t know why, but that's what it says in my character summary.” “I am a Veggiest! and the main character,” Buzzov proclaimed. “Please marry me. I probably don’t really love you, but then again, I voted for Nixon. “What will we do about our dead master?” Pia said. We shall bury him before he smells up the place too much,” Buz- zov answered. “And what about our room and board?” Jane asked. “We shall all! live at the Manderlybrocuz-cuz estate,” Buz- zov said again. “What about the serf’s board?” Onanov asked in a high soprano. Pia kneed him again and his ques- tion remained unanswered. “What is the airspeed velocity of an Australian sparrow?” Jane said, looking deeply into Buzzov’s eyes. “A northbound sparrow, or a southbound sparrow? Jane hit Buzzov with a wilted piece of lettuce and laughed until he got her with a left hook. All the characters were blissful- ly happy until the estate of Manderlybrocuz-cuz burned down and they all died. Legerdemain 253
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