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The Porcupine. VoLuME IX. SANTA Rosa, CALIFORNIA, JUNE, 1903. NUMBER I0 PRUDENT PEOPLE PURCHASE PRICKLY PORCUPINES LIFE’S BATTLE FOR TWENTY-ONE Once upon a time there was a learned king of wide renown, of striking personality, of in- domitable will, and firm purpose. desire to make his subjects worthy men end It was his women, and a people ready to meet the trials of life with unflinching courage end to be en- dowed with an ambition to stop short of noth- ing but a high calling. To assist him in his duties of state he had two learned councilors, one who could fathom the nature and origin of any fowl, beast or plant, while the other was wise in all laws of Physics and wes the Alchemist of the court. But the king did not rely solely upon the as- sistance of these wise men, but found it neces- sary, as wise men do, to call many times for female advice. For this purpose he had called about him five wierd women of varying capabilities, but of equal efficiency. One, 2s astrologer, could prove all the problems of the kingdom by al- gebraic and geometric laws, while her close companion served in the capacity of law maker at the capital, and by her untiring argument never failed to weary the people into consent- ing to her views. Then there were two court linguists, end the king’s private detective, the terror of the realm. One day the king’s page was sent to sum- mons the council, and when all had assembled in the Royal Hall they found the king seated on his throne lost in deep meditation. None dared disturb him, but after a time the bold Physist at his left could bear the suspense no longer, so prostrating himself at the monarch’s feet, he ventured in meekest accents, ‘“We aze come, oh king, most high, and await thy bidd- ing.” His Highness slowly lifted his head and his eyes of steel looked each attendant full in the face and then at length he began. “Most loyal subjects, ye were summoned here today to consider a topic of great moment. But now a courier brought tidings that a great battle is on, “Life’s Battle,” to be won or lost by twenty-one of the throne’s best soldiers, and before I send them to the field of action I crave your advice as to the proper plan of at- tack and defense.” The attentive advisers all bowed low end their ruler continued: “[ thought mighty Sham, the captain of the score out to ‘twould be well to send the lead the main attack, to conquer Berkeley and her degree, on his right as leade- of that rank we'll send the worthy Davis to win a laurel wreath from the journelists and mighty orators in the enemies lines. The wily Geary and the obstinate Briggs may serve as his aids. “The fleet footed Wright will lead the left wing and master all the dead tongues as he runs, but lest he should grow footsore on the stony way we'll send the scientific Johnny as an aid, and let the brainy Ruth, Emma, and Gertrude, so learned in dates and Latin lore, cheer on the race as all together they disperse the foes and near Fame’s hard earned celestial | seat. But tell me, ye men and women of wisdom, who may we spare for the rear guazd ?” “Marie, the guard in the basket game, will always serve well in an obscure but vastly im- portant post,” quote one councilor, while an- other made haste to add, “The other Marie, the goaler, with the historic Elezzine and the wordy Agnes, would serve well, I trow, in any extremity of the great battle, and could always be a protection at the rear against the unlooked for attacks of ignorance, or a chance sharp- shooter’s bullet of slang.” “Let it be so,” spake the king, “and now in that great struggle there will be the wounded to. care for, fevered brows to bathe and break- ing hearts to soothe; we'll send our worthy doctors, so skilled with the cat and dog, let the: artistic Ethel, with her companion, Olita, en- deavor to make life more bearable to the suffer- ing. Do ye approve my subjects?” “We do indeed,” spake out the Physist, “but what provision hast been made for the home coming victors; were it not better to place some of these courageous soldiers on guard at home, that the returning victors may be re-
6 THE PORCUPINE ceived in a manne: meet?” “A wise thought” the king made answer, “Ednz, Mattie and the dignified Esther could well attend to this, they will surely make homes sweet to a victor’s heart.” Then the Lord High, at the Monarch’s right, spake out boldly: “There is one thing I would like to speak to you about, and that is in re- gard to the music. As yet there has been no provision made for martial music, and a battle can be but poorly won without some music- born inspiration.” “Thou speakest truly my lord,” his highness replied, “but anticipating your suggestion I have made provision for that extremity, Leah will play ‘The Rose of Killarney’ when the enemy presses hard and life seems uncertain to the warriors, and when all foes have been van- quished and the Francis will accompany the world’s applause with, ‘Oh Mr. Captain Stop the-Ship.’ ” The council approved and all adjourned. score rush on to victory, qc) —— — — A COMPARISON OF GEORGE WASH- INGTON AND WARREN HASTINGS here is a strange similitude in the lives of Washington and Hastings. sphere entirely different and separated by half of the vast world, thei: ambitions, force of character, and success in life bear likeness. Each moving in a Everyone knows how the manly little Wash- ington led his school-mates on to victory over the imaginary tribes of Indians, or sternly acted as judge over the culprits of a boyish quarrel. Macaulay tells us how little Warren, on a sum- mer day, lay on the geen sward by the rivulet that through Daylesford to join the Isis, scheming to recover the old domain of his fathers, to be Hastings of Daylesford. Hastings was not given a good education, being taken away from his academy and put at a desk in the office of the East In- dia Co. His ambitions suffered. Washington ‘was never sent to college, but learned to sur- vey, at the same time being interested in mil- itary affairs. In character, these great men were, in a few traits, alike, though in all others entirely dis similar. Through all the struggle for indepen- dence, Washington was the soul of patience and endurance. His personality, alone, kept flows his ragged, half starved troops together. By a strong and steady grasp on affairs Hastings overcame all his personal enemies and those of the company. never without an expedient. He, as Washington, was He formed plans end carried them into execution, rapidly. In twenty-four hours he made and carried into effect the plans that defeated Hyder Ali at Madras. Washington was also quick in his movements. It was always a puzzle to the British what to expect of Washington. Washington is held up to the view of the world as a man of stainless honor and un- questionable integrity, while Hastings has dark spots on his fame. The former was just, the latte , unjust, in many instances. Washington was too noble to stoop to un- fair means to gain selfish or unselfish odds, while Hastings was unscrupulous. In successes in life, both reaped a bountiful harvest. Washington was the Father of his Country, Hastings the Savior of the British Empire. Washington was made the first Pres- ident of the United States, Hastings the first Governor-General of India. The former was always greatly honored by his fellow-men, the latter was not praised by his own generation, but by all following ones. —— THE RESULTS OF A COLLEGE FRIEND- SHIP It was just two weeks before commence- ment in the. college town of L , Kansas, and two girl graduates were slowly walking over the campus, with their arms entwined about each other’s waists. They were both silent, perhaps thinking the same thoughts. Theiz school-life was about over, and they were to go different paths. For four short years they had been room-mates and the best of chums, and now, in a few days, they must part. Mabel was the first to speak. “Say, Bell, as there isn’t anything going on tonight and we are alone, lets take a long stroll and make plans for the future, and say, let’s make a sacred vow to keep our promises.” Of course, Bell was perfectly willing, and their plans were presented. “We will be so lonesome without each other thet I think we had better write, no matter where we are, at least every week.” “Oh, no! twice a week,” answered Mabel. “T will always want to hear from you, and never get tired of writing.” And so the prom- ise was made and they were to write twice a week. “And don’t you think we ought at least try and see each other once a year. Just think, you live in Illinois and I way out in Nebraska. Don't you think we could make a sort of a com- promise and each promise to be present at every alumni.”
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