Saltus Grammar School - Yearbook (Hamilton, Bermuda)

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9 and klaidescopic colours. The following day, we took a little boat, The Maid of the Mist, and wearing oilskins, we steamed almost under the foot of the falls. It gave one a feeling of infinite smallness to see the solid wall of water falling from terrifying heights. The visit to Niagara was a fitting climax to a wonderful vaca- tion. I had never seen so much in my whole life as I saw in those two months. However, as is always the case, we began to tire of Guelph and to look forward to our return to Bermuda. It was almost as if we were taking another vacation, this time from Guelph to Bermuda. With mixed feelings we watched Guelph recede, then Toronto ... La Guardia and we were homeward bound at the end of a most interesting trip. V. M. FORD. The Debating Society There has been a full programme of stimulating debates during the past season, but the highlight was the Mock Trial, held on March 1st. Here was heard the astounding case of Whiner (D. E. W. Lines) v. Wuffles (K. T. C. Davis) before Mr. Justice Wisecrack (A. G. Marsh). The facts of the case were these: The defendant, Wuffles, was the proud owner of a donkey, Esmeralda, against which two allega- tions were made, first that it had kicked and injured the plaintiff, Whiner, and second that its inordinate braying constituted a nuisance to Whiner, his family, and every other resident within a quarter mile radius. Whiner sought damages for the injury, and an injunc- tion to restrain the braying. Counsel for the plaintiff was Sir Patrick Backchat (Mr. W. G. Maundrill), and the defendant was represented by Sir Hartley Cross- talk (Mr. M. R. Stevens). Witnesses for the plaintiff visibly wilted under the grilling cross-examination of Sir Hartley, while witnesses for the defendant found Sir Patrick ' s suave manner no less deadly. The witnesses produced were: — For the plaintiff: Mr. Dagwood Bumpstead (D. V. Ridgway), an Actor. Dr. Rigamortis (G. W. Young), Medical Practitioner. Mons. Fromage (L. R. Patterson), a Clown. For the Defendant: Dr. A. S. S. Bray (C. B. Corbin), Veterinary Surgeon. Dr. Corp Punt (H. C. Adderley), Schoolmaster. Stanislaus Vitskoski (R. W. Horsey), Psychologist (referred to as a Trick Cyclist by the cross-examining counsel).

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8 everything appeared in miniature, the little houses, the long ribbons of the highways with little cars crawling over them. There is nothing to compare with air travel, with its speed and smoothness and cos family atmosphere. After landing, we were driven by the friends who had met us at the airport, into the large, smoky and chilly city of Toronto. I was fascinated by the network of street cars and the bustling activity of the place. Everybody seemed to be hurrying. In time I was to become familiar with Toronto, and grow to like the place. In a few days time I had my first experience of an express train ride, from Toronto to Guelph, a distance of about sixty miles. Guelph is a beautiful little city, noted for its agriculture and the beautiful Ontario State Penitentiary building. The atmosphere is similar to that of New Jersey. It is a strange experience accustoming oneself to a new city. Time and time again I walked round blocks always coming out in unexpected places, yet always able to find my way home again. It was not long before I applied for my driver ' s licence and my sister and I spent many pleasant afternoons exploring Guelph until we became familiar with it. Then we started to take trips to other cities and to explore them. It certainly is an experience which we do not have in Bermuda, driving on a long, straight, smooth highway at fifty miles an hour, with the car clicking along beneath you. Whilst I was at Guelph, which, as you perhaps know, is situated many miles from the water, I had a rather amusing experience. The residents of Guelph do not know what it is like to swim on warm sandy beache s. I accompanied a friend of mine to a very popular Summer Resort about a hundred miles from Guelph. We stayed with his family, in a small log cabin close to the beach, which was on the shores of The Great Lake. The water, which he considered to be perfect, was bitterly cold, fresh and the ' surf came in in little ripples. Everyday my friend insisted upon going swim- ming, no matter what the weather. Many times we went in pouring rain and icy wind to the beach, collected all our courage, and plunged into the icy water for a few minutes, emerging blue, and chilled to the bone. To him this was just perfect. What beach could be better? he wanted to know. When we returned to Guelph, my family decided to drive to the Niagara Falls, which were about five hundred miles away to the South-west. It was a lovely drive along the Queen Elizabeth High- way, and, upon arriving, we stayed for a few days at a friend ' s house. The city of Niagara lies right at the base of the falls, and to the residents, the Falls are not spectacular but commonplace. To us, they were wonderful. Tons of water cascaded with a dull roar over tall cliffs, spray rose like mist, high into the air . . . it was new to me but not to the family. That evening we saw the Falls illuminated with coloured lights. The mist was transformed into multifarious

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10 Esmeralda was suffering from flu, and could not be exhibited in court, but Mr. Justice Wisecrack asked certain witnesses to give an imitation of the braying, and the court was treated to a series of noises ranging from the 12 o ' clock siren to that of an elephant in pain. Order in court was effectively maintained by the Clerk of the Court (T. W. P. Vesey) with the aid of a wooden mallet of unusual proportions. In the course of his directions to the Jury, Mr. Justice Wisecrack said that, regarding the claim for damages, they had to satisfy them- selves that the plaintiff did actually suffer injury through being kicked by a donkey, and that such donkey was the property of the defendant, Wuffles. Having satisfied themselves on these two points they had still to ask whether the injury was due to any contributory negligence on the part of the plaintiff, Whiner: did he, for instance, place himself in such a position that it would be too much to expect any self-respecting donkey to refrain from lashing out ? Next came the question of nuisance: here they had to decide, (1) was there a braying? and (2) if so, did the braying emanate from the donkey belonging to Wuffles? and (3) was this braying of such a magnitude as to constitute a nuisance? Braying was of course naturally asso- ciated with donkeys: people expected them to bray: people would even be disappointed if they didn ' t bray (imagine buying a donkey and finding that it hadn ' t a bray in it: wouldn ' t one feel cheated?). Then, too, the world of today was a noisy world, and one must expect to put up with a certain amount of noise, even while objecting to it, but there was a limit to human endurance, and it was for the Jury to decide, as a question of fact, whether the volume of sound emitted by the donkey, combined with its frequency, was more than any ordinary man or woman living in the close neighbourhood , should reasonably be expected to suffer. After a short retirement the jury filed back into court, and the Foreman ( F. R. Snape) returned a verdict for the plaintiff on both counts, with a recommendation of mercy on Esmeralda. Mr. Justice Wisecrack then delivered judgment. For the kick- ing he awarded to the plaintiff damages amounting to one farthing. Regarding the nuisance he offered a choice to the defendant: within a fortnight he must either dispose of Esmeralda or secure for her a silencer (Model Donk Mark II) as supplied by all reputable purveyors of motor accessories. Other debates held during the past season have been : — October 19, 1950: ' ' The World of today offers to youth greater chances of success than ever before. Proposer Mr. Kerry Opposer D. W. Macky Third T. W. P. Vesey Fourth D. E. W. Lines The motion was defeated by two votes.