Salpointe Catholic High School - Horizons Yearbook (Tucson, AZ)

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rr-IE com WAR n epidemic of rumor Have you heard? There's an epidemic at Salpointe. But this is no ordinary dis- ease - it's dangerous, highly conta- gious, and has scientists baffled. Ac- cording to experts, the virus starts with the ear, oozes into the brain, and eventu- ally takes control of the mouth, until the victim is left entirely helpless. Yes folks, sad but true, Salpointe has a bad case of Rumors Simplex 10. Upon hearing of the disaster, the im- mediate reaction at yearbook headquar- ters was to investigate just how these rumors got started. Students seemed to have varying opinions on the subject: some insisted that the sophomores were to blame, while other, less biased sources, such as Bob Fanning, '87, were certain that rumors came from mommy and daddy rumors. Perhaps the most sensible answer came from an individual who theorized that rumors stemmed from the truth, with the rest left up to God and divine revelation. The next step was to determine how rumors managed to reproduce so quick- ly. Our first impluse, of course, was to check the cafeteria food, but that proved to be a dead end. But our will was strong, and our intentions good, and soon we were able to discover the rumor's true breeding grounds .. . the IMAGINATION! ln fact, its productivity surpassed even our worst fears, as imagination was shown to be the culprit in case after case, including everything from stories told to freshmen about Sal- pointe's elevator to publications like People magazine. Much to our horror, we found that many people became carriers of the dis- ease by choice, enjoying the sense of power that accompanies Stage One. ln Stage Two, the illness worsens, and the afflicted begin to use any methods avail- able to spread their gossip, such as word of mouth, notes, and especially the telephone. It is in the third and final stage that the malady becomes most dangerous, as its victims begin to hear the whispers behind their backs. Since the effects of rumors can be devastating, shouldn't an effort have been made to prevent all forms of the disease? The answer, surprisingly, is no. Most rumors never went beyond the stage of amusement, and cases such as these were easily treated. After all, as Melanie Martinick, '87, said, lt would be boring if you didn't have anything to talk about. Only cases of a malicious nature necessitated extreme care. ln or- der to identify such cases, look for the following: Cl shifty eyes, Cl over-eager listening, lil non-stop talking, lil sweaty palms, and lil National Enquirer lifetime subscrip- tions. ln such cases, the simplest method of treatment was also the most effective, the best way to avoid vicious rumors was to not start or spread them! . , aim' ' We L55-2 ,QW f -ia Ii Wi., 3 . , 10 FEATURES --W s'

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L l ...him 'QF X WRC Qc., SQ' Lis? HU CINE, UL 3 'KN!H57l 2'E 1 U. , ...st 1 F 'Tir 4-Q .Hs ii-v ,ug,,,'ftsfe Gossip travels fast, thanks to Amy Patterson, '87, and Paula Scalone, '87, via a not-so-subtle note. Meanwhile, Tanya lberg, '87, prepares one of her own, as Chris Patyk, '87, and John Nichols, '87, use the more direct approach, and Bob Fanning, '87, puts down his Enquirer to watch, Victimized by rumors, these students wish to remain anonymous, Spreading the news, Katie Romano, '87, tells a friend, Lost in the maze, frosh Regine Webster, '90, and Megan Stefanek, '90 search for the rumored elevator. RUMORS ll Q-QR, 1 f 1' n