Salem High School - Quaker Yearbook (Salem, OH)

Page 31 text:

Chili, will be gratefully received by District Attorney Wright of Guy Building, New York. The latter is executor of a two million dollar estate left Miss H. by a maiden cousin. . L.-H'm. Wish I were Miss H. Tapping at the door. B.-fAnswers-talks low, then turns to li. with several write-ups in crude form.j B.-Well, that youngster Brown surely is making good. Here' are a few write- ups about several of our most noted citizens-finished up in great style, too. Just listen Clieadsj z Miss Mildred Hutcheson, until recently known as Jude,'l has secured a specimen of the genus homo in the form of Count Adlephus Sextet Von Lucia. The romance in- volved is very thrilling. Miss H. has been the prize hair dresser in New York, spent her last vacation in the wild and woolly Alaska, where on account of her knowledge of hairs, she saved the famous count by a hair's breadth from falling over the Klondike. Immediately she was heralded far and near as the heroine of the age and before many moons had elapsed she was engaged to the noted Count. After their honeymoon to Stumptown, Nebraska, they will remove to his place in the Stony Mountains of Hun- gary, where it is said they will dine on fish three times a day. li.-Well, I guess l'll have to promote Brown. He 's too good to be a cub any longer. Guess l'd better make a memorandum of it and raies his wages Qtakes note bookj. B.-liisten to this. He seems to have interviewed Russell Gwinner: 'Rus' Gwinner states that he will enter the ring for the featherweight championship of the United States. He has just returned from the West where he spends his leisure hours and seems as buxom as usual. li.-Well, that surely will come in right to till up that extra space in the sporting column. Anything else for that department? B.-Yes, Connors has turned out to be the best coach Harvard ever had. lt is due to his vast experience and also to the lively enthusiasm of his little red-haired wife, who never misses a practice and whose loyalty to the heroes of the gridiron is unques- tioned. Ii.-Now, l always knew that those two red-heads would make their mark. XVell, l'm glad of it. What have you there that ls interesting? Out with it-don't keep me in suspense. B.-To be sure our paper would lose its popularity if it weren't for old steady Blake. He came in the first thing this morning with some Pinkerton news, mostly a big joke, I guess. The staff didn 't want this laugh to get out, but depend on Blake to find it-here goes freadsjz , Jim Wilson, new Pinkerton man, has just made his debut on the detective statf. NN'hile traveling down Peanut Alley in the fashionable district of New York, he discov- ered a strong scent of strange perfume. His interest was aroused, he began walking swiftly, ever keeping the scent in view and his spirits and big hopes of discovering Diamond Dick, noted for perfumery, were high. Also he desired to raise his salary. He traced the scent through thirteen consecutive streets, ten tenements and four ceme- teries, and at each step the scent grew stronger. His heart grew light with visions of a large purse, a fair Helen and much fame, when at last he espied a dark figure -in the distance? Ilastening on as he used to do in the relay, he at last overtook the object of his journey. Sitting dejectedly on a milk stand, swinging his feet dismally to get them warm, was Leon Hcnault, noted perfume and patent medicine vender of New Albany, Ohio. As a result Jim 's fame has increased, but not his salary. L.-Cliaughs heartilyj NVell, I guess most any one would make a good story out of that. Just a little change and that will be ready for print. What 's on that pad there at your elbow? B.-CTurns, picks up pad and s1niles.J O dear me! I nearly forgot to give you my interview with the Great Movie Actress, Mary Pow, commonly known as the second little Mary Pickford. These are the facts: Born in Salem untold years ago, she went to the page twenty-nine

Page 30 text:

town for Victrolas, and they suggest a wording something like this: Hear the latest and highest priced records. One especially we guarantee as pleasing, the irresistable giggle of Madame Agnes Stiver, who has at last condescended to lend her talents to spreading the fame of the Victrola. May be heard on records which cost 1510 to 8215. Guaranteed to make the thrills run up and down your spine. L.--What an absurd price to pay for such a record. But just listen to the latest report from the Eskimo War. Mr. Solbert Greenherger, you will remember, started out with an exploring expedition to capture a glacier for the Smithsonian Institute, found himself in the war zone and at one time as report states, in the midst of a battle, before he was aware. At that point he scrambled quickly on a horse and galloped madly to the front shouting, Well, I read an article on war once --and ordered the commanding officer to the rear and took command himself. As a result his side won. Ile is now wearing a priceless collar button made of walrus tusk which was presented to him by his grateful allies. B.-I always knew he would make a name for himself. L.-It will be a big feature of tonight's issue. This is simply a rough draft of the facts, you know. I will give it a better write up later. B.-I also received word from the Scientiiic Department of the Damascus Academy that Prof. Leo Windle has been trying to change the seasons so that it will always be May. L.-VVell that 's to be expected. I always knew that would be a lasting case. By the way, have you written up that column on English Suffrage, yet '! B.-No, you do it. It worries me to think of those poor English women haven 't got control of the ballot yet, so you do it, please. L.-CTakes note book and writes busily, reading aloud as she writesl The well- known model, Fred Harroff, who recently married the second daughter of the vener- able Mrs. Pankhurst, will now take a stand with his wife and will head the suffragettes on their next attack on Water Plugs. It is reported he has become very skillful in throwing brickbats and other dangerous missles in late years, and it is to be hoped that this new addition to the corps will eventually bring them success. B.-You certainly won't have any trouble getting a good editorial on that. Here is a most interesting communication, a request to publish a note of thanks. L.-A note of thanks to whom H? - B.-To Mr. Eugene NVhite. CIlisten.j Mr. Eugene White, Head of Forest Reserves in Montana: Dear Sir:--I take this opportunity of thanking you and your men for so kindly remembering us by sending specimens of trees that never U leave. They are highly appre- ciated by our class and I beg to join with them in expressing the desire that you may some day find time to visit our classes in person. Yours sincerely, HERBERT CHURCH, Professor of Agriculture, Salem High School. L.-Sounds rather egotistical. Why didn 't he write him a personal letter? NVe'll publish it, of course. B.-Oh, by the way where is the New York Tribune? L.-There on top of the waste basket. Really Freckles is the most harum-scarum youngster. Just look at this room. He never straightens things up right. fIiooks around.j 1 ' B.-O well, here is what we want. Just looking for an article we were to copy from it. CSearches busily.l At last-O there it is now. Any information concerning the whereabouts of Miss Ida Holdereith, last heard of when traveling in Brazil and page twenty-eight

Page 32 text:

country school until she entered S. H. Sf as a Sophomore. Graduating from there with great fame, she sojourned to New York, where she took up Grand Operag but her voice being naturally weak, failed entirely in a short time. Francis Fisher, successor to Belasco, her first manager in Grand Opera, gave her up with great relucta.nce. She then tried moving pictures and became the star of the Movies. CBoy arrives with eablegramj L.--QOpens it, reads, sighs joyfullyj then: Say, B., can you make a good front page and red letter story out of this? Creadsjz Miss Mary Bustard, while traveling in Europe, kidnaped by Gypsies. Rescued by Crown Prince of Poland, who was traveling in disguise. Resulted in romance-wed- ding date not yet announced. B.-That surely will take the town by storm. CPhone rings. B. hurriedly answersj O, yes, H. S. Observatory. Cecil Chessman has found valuable ways of using volcano gasg great discovery-much fame--to be sure 1'll make it up in good form, By the way, has Clarence Farr found the right place to set the world so he can blow it up? No? Well, that is too bad. Eh? What? Oh, he says he still has hope? Well, 1'm glad to hear it. Yes. Good-bye! CB. writes busily for several minutes, at last L. asksj : L.-Say B., did you attend the Chautauqua last night? B.-Yes, and I have to make a column out of it, too, but that will be easy, for Nellie Lewis spoke several pieces in dialect and was vastly appreciated. Then there was a lecture by the well known historian, Dorothy Lease, who has just completed a twenty- six volume work of Exploits of Bacon Down the Mississippi. L.-And, by the way, I forgot to tell you the Gearhart Circus will arrive here some time next month. The manager, Mr. Gearhart, is a famous mandolinist and uses his talent in a thrilling scene, where he charms a lion and ravenous cobra into submission. There seem to be a great many celebrities in the troupe. One, Glenn Bates, is a favor- ite clown, who produces much laughter through his ability to stumble over all obstacles in his path. It is said he gained this ability by practicing on the study hall floor while a Freshman. Another, Leah Burton, has become quite a famous tight-rope walker. Some ay she showed signs of genius along that line while in high school, by her well balanced remarks in History IV. B.-Well, we sure will have to push that, and see it also. L.-INell, speaking of old friends, I met John Cavanaugh just the other day. He said J. Rockefeller, Jr., had just given him the contract to construct a gigantic bridge connecting America and Europe for the Rockefeller family's private use. He says that he expects to make some money on it, and at the christening he will take a honeymoon trip across the bridge as a special concession from his employer. B.-That's great news. I hear that Russell Campf is still working on a reflector which, when finished and applied to his hair, will eliminate all need of matches, flash lights, and electricity in his home. L.--Those items surely will attract attention. l will give them plenty of space. B.-VVhat did you say about society? L.-I said your society column was so meagre this season I made it a little longer than usual. l think with this important headliner it won't be so bad, Creadsi: It is said that Miss Dorothy Fox has decided to be a missionary in order, to test her ability as a charmer on the natives of Borneo. From her marked ability so much in evidence in her high school days her friends have no doubt as to her success in for- eign fields. B.-Here's another item of interest which goes with tonight 's issue: Misses Edith Lentz and Augusta Snyder, former secret serviceiagent in the employment of Mexico, have started on a walking trip around the world, which they expect to accomplish in l91Q days. They are taking their aeroplanes alongginvcase of accident. L.-Have you noticed how extremely popular our Luke McLuke's Random Shots are becoming? page thirty'