Salem High School - Quaker Yearbook (Salem, OH)

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town for Victrolas, and they suggest a wording something like this: Hear the latest and highest priced records. One especially we guarantee as pleasing, the irresistable giggle of Madame Agnes Stiver, who has at last condescended to lend her talents to spreading the fame of the Victrola. May be heard on records which cost 1510 to 8215. Guaranteed to make the thrills run up and down your spine. L.--What an absurd price to pay for such a record. But just listen to the latest report from the Eskimo War. Mr. Solbert Greenherger, you will remember, started out with an exploring expedition to capture a glacier for the Smithsonian Institute, found himself in the war zone and at one time as report states, in the midst of a battle, before he was aware. At that point he scrambled quickly on a horse and galloped madly to the front shouting, Well, I read an article on war once --and ordered the commanding officer to the rear and took command himself. As a result his side won. Ile is now wearing a priceless collar button made of walrus tusk which was presented to him by his grateful allies. B.-I always knew he would make a name for himself. L.-It will be a big feature of tonight's issue. This is simply a rough draft of the facts, you know. I will give it a better write up later. B.-I also received word from the Scientiiic Department of the Damascus Academy that Prof. Leo Windle has been trying to change the seasons so that it will always be May. L.-VVell that 's to be expected. I always knew that would be a lasting case. By the way, have you written up that column on English Suffrage, yet '! B.-No, you do it. It worries me to think of those poor English women haven 't got control of the ballot yet, so you do it, please. L.-CTakes note book and writes busily, reading aloud as she writesl The well- known model, Fred Harroff, who recently married the second daughter of the vener- able Mrs. Pankhurst, will now take a stand with his wife and will head the suffragettes on their next attack on Water Plugs. It is reported he has become very skillful in throwing brickbats and other dangerous missles in late years, and it is to be hoped that this new addition to the corps will eventually bring them success. B.-You certainly won't have any trouble getting a good editorial on that. Here is a most interesting communication, a request to publish a note of thanks. L.-A note of thanks to whom H? - B.-To Mr. Eugene NVhite. CIlisten.j Mr. Eugene White, Head of Forest Reserves in Montana: Dear Sir:--I take this opportunity of thanking you and your men for so kindly remembering us by sending specimens of trees that never U leave. They are highly appre- ciated by our class and I beg to join with them in expressing the desire that you may some day find time to visit our classes in person. Yours sincerely, HERBERT CHURCH, Professor of Agriculture, Salem High School. L.-Sounds rather egotistical. Why didn 't he write him a personal letter? NVe'll publish it, of course. B.-Oh, by the way where is the New York Tribune? L.-There on top of the waste basket. Really Freckles is the most harum-scarum youngster. Just look at this room. He never straightens things up right. fIiooks around.j 1 ' B.-O well, here is what we want. Just looking for an article we were to copy from it. CSearches busily.l At last-O there it is now. Any information concerning the whereabouts of Miss Ida Holdereith, last heard of when traveling in Brazil and page twenty-eight

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SENIOR CLASS PROPHECY A Busy Day in the Editor's Oilice. CURTAIN RISES. Scene :-Desk piled l1igl1 with newspapers, waste basket overturned, everything in disorder, and editor, Miss Lillian Hayes, writing busily at her desk. Telephone rings. L. Answers-Hello! Yes, Moonbeam Oitice. What, Mr. Carl Yengling? Evangelist? Just recovered from rea-dunn-itus? 0 yes, the living live wire--a second Billy Sunday. I see-so he's to appear here next week-it is a fine write-up. Yes. Indeed? Goodbye. fhlusesj Well, many changes-Hmm. CContinues writingj. Entrance of Assistant, CMiss Bernice Grovej. Vtlell, hello there, Pal o' Mine. How goes it? li.-Oh, fine. What news today? . B.-I just got it straight that Ted Jewell, you know him, who was sent to Congress from the 98th District of Ohio, created quite a stir in that body yesterday when he introduced a Bill providing for A Manys Place in the Home. He got so excited and made such violent gestures that he knocked down the statue of Venus and then his pro- nunciation becamc so confused that the members of the House thought he was using profane language and promptly had him shown to the door. L.-Just like him 'to do that--and have you noticed how interested people seem to be in our new Fashion Department, Catherine Cronin's Notes from Paris Shops? Her daily sketches are quite a fortunate addition to that section. But l've some great news. Just wait until l read you my last write-up. CShe reads from her note bookj Mr. Fred McCleery, well known Potato Wizard and successor to Prof. Burbank, has just ac- complished the perfect potato. He has succeeded in eliminating all starch in such a way that it has aifected the eyes. The authorities prominent in the scientific world have been heard to say it is the most wonderful scientific triumph known. B.-Say, that surely is fine. VVell, l always knew there was something worth while behind that red top of his. Enter Bell Boy. Hands bunch of mail to Editor Qlieavesl. L.-COpens oneb. 'Well, here 's one from our Australian correspondent, Anna Carey. She surely does write some interesting menus. Since the meat famine in Australia she has been active in supplying menus to the people which have made her famous. Just listen to this: Two eyes of potatoes, Six ears of corn, Four hearts of cabbage, Three strings of beans, One and one-half cups tomato seeds, Five dead beets, One-half tablespoonful radish juice, Serve with pinch of garlic and smell of onion. B.-We'll surely have to try that ourselves sometime. Now to business. What have we for the advertising column? L.-Well, here are a few. Mr. Wilbert Vollman and his assistant, Miss Elsie Thomas, successors of the Vernon Castles, will appear at the new Hippodrome theatre this evening. They will illustrate the Swan Flitter, the Duckie Fly, and all the latest artistic dances. B.-lliell, what do you think of that, will surprises never cease? li.-Bernice, get in connection with tl1e advertising manager while l look through the latest war news from the Associated Press. We 'll have to increase our advertising section. B.-That has been arranged. I notified that department this morning to increase the section one page because of the two new contracts received this morning. li.--Nvhat in the world is to take up that much space? B.-fTakes note book.l The First from the Shisler Music Store, the only agents in D828 IWCIIIY-BOVGD

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Chili, will be gratefully received by District Attorney Wright of Guy Building, New York. The latter is executor of a two million dollar estate left Miss H. by a maiden cousin. . L.-H'm. Wish I were Miss H. Tapping at the door. B.-fAnswers-talks low, then turns to li. with several write-ups in crude form.j B.-Well, that youngster Brown surely is making good. Here' are a few write- ups about several of our most noted citizens-finished up in great style, too. Just listen Clieadsj z Miss Mildred Hutcheson, until recently known as Jude,'l has secured a specimen of the genus homo in the form of Count Adlephus Sextet Von Lucia. The romance in- volved is very thrilling. Miss H. has been the prize hair dresser in New York, spent her last vacation in the wild and woolly Alaska, where on account of her knowledge of hairs, she saved the famous count by a hair's breadth from falling over the Klondike. Immediately she was heralded far and near as the heroine of the age and before many moons had elapsed she was engaged to the noted Count. After their honeymoon to Stumptown, Nebraska, they will remove to his place in the Stony Mountains of Hun- gary, where it is said they will dine on fish three times a day. li.-Well, I guess l'll have to promote Brown. He 's too good to be a cub any longer. Guess l'd better make a memorandum of it and raies his wages Qtakes note bookj. B.-liisten to this. He seems to have interviewed Russell Gwinner: 'Rus' Gwinner states that he will enter the ring for the featherweight championship of the United States. He has just returned from the West where he spends his leisure hours and seems as buxom as usual. li.-Well, that surely will come in right to till up that extra space in the sporting column. Anything else for that department? B.-Yes, Connors has turned out to be the best coach Harvard ever had. lt is due to his vast experience and also to the lively enthusiasm of his little red-haired wife, who never misses a practice and whose loyalty to the heroes of the gridiron is unques- tioned. Ii.-Now, l always knew that those two red-heads would make their mark. XVell, l'm glad of it. What have you there that ls interesting? Out with it-don't keep me in suspense. B.-To be sure our paper would lose its popularity if it weren't for old steady Blake. He came in the first thing this morning with some Pinkerton news, mostly a big joke, I guess. The staff didn 't want this laugh to get out, but depend on Blake to find it-here goes freadsjz , Jim Wilson, new Pinkerton man, has just made his debut on the detective statf. NN'hile traveling down Peanut Alley in the fashionable district of New York, he discov- ered a strong scent of strange perfume. His interest was aroused, he began walking swiftly, ever keeping the scent in view and his spirits and big hopes of discovering Diamond Dick, noted for perfumery, were high. Also he desired to raise his salary. He traced the scent through thirteen consecutive streets, ten tenements and four ceme- teries, and at each step the scent grew stronger. His heart grew light with visions of a large purse, a fair Helen and much fame, when at last he espied a dark figure -in the distance? Ilastening on as he used to do in the relay, he at last overtook the object of his journey. Sitting dejectedly on a milk stand, swinging his feet dismally to get them warm, was Leon Hcnault, noted perfume and patent medicine vender of New Albany, Ohio. As a result Jim 's fame has increased, but not his salary. L.-Cliaughs heartilyj NVell, I guess most any one would make a good story out of that. Just a little change and that will be ready for print. What 's on that pad there at your elbow? B.-CTurns, picks up pad and s1niles.J O dear me! I nearly forgot to give you my interview with the Great Movie Actress, Mary Pow, commonly known as the second little Mary Pickford. These are the facts: Born in Salem untold years ago, she went to the page twenty-nine