Rush Medical College - Pulse Yearbook (Chicago, IL)

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like unto a full moon. I-Ie took me into the concert hall, and there I saw a large multitude of ourclass-mates seated in small groups around the tables, and drinking a peculiar liquid of an amber hue, on the top of which a white foam like unto that made by barbers. VVhile listening in horror at their jabberings and comments on the merits of each respective star as he appeared, one Von Bismarck stepped upon the stage. After the applause had died out he took a cough drop and sang with wonderful pathos and feeling that beautiful ballad, written by himself, entitled, I am the man who won the Brainard prize. The emphasis on the fwas particularly noticeable. XVe then did go outside into the barroom. EMIL said there is another of our class-mates here perhaps you would like to see him, and taking me to the box-office I saw XV. I.. THOMPSON selling seats. XVINDY said, You see he was such a good man with seats that we could not get along without him. He then showed me some large oil paintings of his friends. One par- ticularly do I remember, it was that of EADEs. All it needed was a wind machine fastened to it to make it as natural as life. This, he said, I value most highly, for he was my dearest friend. VVe now went outside the building and EMIL called my attention to two old men sitting on the pavement asking alms of passersby. Do you see those fellows there P said he, They are BEST and 18,-XKER. They exhausted all of their nerve while at RUSH and have been total wrecks ever since. Metliought, The mills of the gods grind slowly, but they grind exceedingly line. I bade XViNnMtuf:LI.ER a hasty adieu and started down the street, and as I strolled along whom should I meet but our own sweet TARSI. I-Ie said in tones convincing that he now did hold a chair in RUsH. I plucked my button from my coat and cast it from me 5 but when he told me that this chair he fain did hold was in the coal department,I did compose myself, for RL'sH was saved and we might again rejoice. Now it came to pass as Italked with TARSI that sweet strains of XYagnerian music did fall upon my ear, and as I listened,behold the vibrations did increase, until at length there did come upon the scene one DE VERE, the mighty man from Montana, his whiskers being tossed by the festive breeze, that seemingly did enjoy its gambols with his hirsutes. At last methought those whiskers are of some avail. The next I saw was our most worthy Ex-Com., and even now I did perceive that they had on a beautiful and picturesque jag, and when I did inquire the cause of this undue hilarity, one NicHoLs, nicknamed the Short, then did say, Hen so, we got our names on the invitations and now we do rejoice. There now did appear a store on Clark street, and over the entrance thereto hung three golden balls, and still above these were the words, CoLLiNs X Dowxiiv, Loan Brokers. Then did I see Wllisrox Cthat pretty creature not made for profane hands to touchj lecturing at the XVoman's Medical College. He was telling the young creatures where the duct of the spleen did empty, whereupon one ancient maid did swoon and faint away, and was regaled to the outer air until she did revive. 2o8

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:of matriculation and general tickets for RUsH and- those odious sealed envelopes. I added a tear or two to the boil and hurried after the old man, who was restlessly awaiting me. Hut another rock, still greater than the one before we stood. The old gentleman, sticking his torch in a crevice of the rock and turning to me, said, Behold this adamantine rock. Behind it is concealed the future 'of your class. To thee alone it shall be revealed if you but write the things just as you see them, and then if your class-mates fain would let their angry passions rise, reason with them saying, 'Keep your tunics on, for whom the Faculty destroy they first make mad.' Now he did make the passage as before and the massive rock parted, and as I gazed with exophthalmic eyes through 'the hssure that was made, I saw even these things that I now give unto you. Now it came to pass as I gazed through the crevice that there did appear before mine eyes a sign-board fifteen cubits wide and thirty cubits long, and VV1'lttClI thereon with a red pigment were these words that all might read, MCH.-XS. D. CENTER, Manicure and Chiropodistf' and as I gazed upon this sign behold there did appear this man,and lifting up his voice said unto me: Lo, these many years have I toiled and tried to be professional, but my purse waxed not fat, neither did anything stick to my ribs: but now I have changed, and .shekels in great abundance are mine and likewise houses and lands. The next scene that appeared was at a patients bedside,and there I did behold one IQEITH fcomnionly known as Stock Yards XYillieJ. A large rope he held in his nerveless fingers. Un his face were signs of supreme agony. The patient was growing paler and paler, she was evidently bleeding to death and IXIEITI-I seemed powerlessto preventit. Iventured to ask him why he tarried thus, and he said in tones so weak as to be scarcely understood, Forsooth, I have forgotten where the post-partum artery doth reside, for I fain would tie it: but now, alas, she hath perished and I alone am the cause of it. I was about to ask him if he remembered of having ever heard while at RL'sH of COINIDVCSS- ing the aorta. But another slide was now put in. This one was down in Posey county, where the paw-paws grow and the grasshopper becomes a burden. It was a typical farm-yard scene such as Eggleston describes, and seated in the midst thereof and on an averted basket was NOAH THOMPSON, apparently happy and contented. He was busily engaged in trying to find out how much back salary was due him from the Big 4 railroad, and would occasionally take time enough to look up and rebuke one of the many small dirty-faced children that were playing around, that re- sembled him considerably and were very prone to do evil. How changed, thought I, and yet another beautiful example of the eternal fitness of things. I could not help but shed a tear, for he was once my room- mate, and as I gazed with tear-stained eyes on the picture now fast disappear- ing, behold there carne to View a scene of different nature. It was on the north side. There was a mammoth building with a sign- .board of large dimensions which read, XV1Nm1UELLER 8 Bocies Summer Garden. Performance .now going on. I, of course, stepped inside. The .Hrst one I met was IZMIL. His body large and encumbered with flesh, his face zo7

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The next I saw was in a Sunday school. And there before the young innocents stood SKINNER, telling them the beautiful story of Ananias and Sapphirag while MoRR1s played the organ and IQING passed the hat. I also noticed ALLEN, HICKMAN and PI.-XMMOND teaching classes. I suppose there was a method in their madness. After Supt. SKINNER had finished his story, and the moist eyes had been dried and the sobs had died out, he said: Now,children, Iwant to show you what drink will do for men, so that you seeing may take warning from their dreadful example. He thereupon led forth III.-XBIBIUN and PET1cRs, both looking like the pictures one sees in the NV. C. T. U. papers, and both alike ready for drunkards' graves. It was indeed a sad sight to behold, and while they stood before the audience, M.-xMA1oN was trying to kill a couple of snakes fze saw crawl out of PE'i'ERs' shoe. 5upt.SkINNER then said, Children, no words are necessary. It speaks for itself. Now let us rise and sing in closing the first and last stanzas of that beautiful hymn by Bro. TRUMAN entitled, 'Let not your angry passions rise.' The next scene was quite different in its character. A penitentiary, and there behind the bars in clothes that would make a tennis blazer blush for shame, were HUNT and Russian.. Their beautiful whiskers all shaved off, their hair likewise, and it was very evident that getting their daylight in little square chunks did not agree with them. I only had a word with them, for they were hurried off to their XVOI'li-I'IL7N'l' to painting wheelbarrows and RUssELL to the laundry. I inquired of XVarden I'iLRINGTUN what they were in for, and he told me in that same wise way that Russert. had been caught stealing from his own trunk and HUNT was in for bigamy. The next I saw was COPELAND, He had a large basket in his hand, and when I asked him what he did with it, he told me that he had a job carrying microbes from the dispensary upstairs on clinic days, and on the other days he carried them down again. I next saw Rowe, the man with the anchylosed face. I-Ie told me that he and GANsoN were diyorcedpfor whenever they worked the Faculty, G.'XN5UN always got the biggest slice. Ilooked at my watch and found that if I wanted to be in time for the lecture I must hurry back. I started and stumbled over a large stone. I awoke. I found myself on the floor. I had fallen from bed. F. XY. MILLER. :oo