Rowland Hall Saint Mark's - Hallmark / Lantern Yearbook (Salt Lake City, UT)

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The LANTERN Page nicrvn Mere lies Mar cirol Louise Spargo w ho struggled loFig and hard to attain the position ol kindergarten teacher at the Twellth School. Being unable to ecjual, much less better, the I.Q. of her more ad- vanced prospective |)upils, she finally decided to devote her lile to religious pursuits. She became lirst assistant to Annie Simple McPherson and drowned in the Pacilic Ocean w ' hile olficiating at a baptism. I lere lies June Scoweroft Svvaner who invented a sign language lor universal use, which does aw ay with all necessity (or learning (oreign languages. She said w ' hen |)resenting a copy of her book to the long suffering members of the French class at R. Ik. the scene ol many of her earlier struggles, 1 wish to aid struggling students the w orld over and il my ow n sad experiences can in any w ay aid the youth ol today, I am ghid to sacrilice my time and sympathy in pursuing this praisew orthy objec- tive. ’ I ler( ' lies Flizal)cth V an Cott, w ' ho died at the age ol 90, alter retaining the Worlds Boxing Championship for 41 years. She killed her second husba[)d. I )r. helix Peanutbrain, with a meat grinder during a discussion ol the subordination ol the w ' ife in the home. She w ' as electrocuted lor this mis- demeanor. and her last w ' ords, as she strangled three of the prison guards, were, “I regret that I must die in the prime of lile; I was counting on a return fiiatch with my third husband. I lere lies Ruth I ' rances Wiggs, who w ' as a good Scout leader until she went berserk and married an Indian j)rince to try to make him do his good turn daily. She loved him dearly and they w ere very happy until he was recalled home. She insisted on a(’com[)anying him in order to convert the Gandhi dancers to good scout ways. But w ' hen she got to India and saw the rest ol her princes harem she |)assed (juietly away, saying her scout jdedge. — Belly Vein Colt, 59. WHAT DOFS IT M1:AN TO YOU? I he cnrlli meant grime aiul sweat to him. I le had no sentiment lor it s moisture. It held forlh hlacL smelly hands . I le hated its pressure beneath his leet. he same ground held opportunity for another. In it his keen eye sensed metal and oil. Money in his pockets clinked a greeting 10 the earth Irom which it had come. I he earth was making him important. Sure he was the marhie champ of the gang. I le was ojily a kid hut the dirt guided marbles. I hey obeyed it he was a worshipper. I he ground was beautiful to another. 11 meant stalks ol corn and wheat. II was a home lor hf-iplid insects Fating weeds that burrowed dee]) in its richness. Margaret Booth by, 41. LAST WdLL AND TESTAMFNT Upon entering tbe room 1 stumbled over a mass ol w ' eeping and w ' ailing seniors of tbe Class ol ’59. Irritably picking myself up from tbe floor I de- manded. Wby all this w ' ailing w ' all effect?’’ As usual it W ' as left to Kirt to explain tbe trouble. Ilacb senior bas to give away ber most precious possession, sbe sobbed, and 1 bave to leave my size eights to Kleine with room for rent. Glancing to my left I saw’ another long, blonde female going com[)leteK ' to pieces. ■‘Oh. I can t, 1 just can t decide; it’s either Rollo or the physics book. My physics book bas all the answers in it, but so bas Rollo. Ob, 1 can t decide ... I guess I II bave to leave tbe physics to Bar because I m sure sbe won’t w ' ant Rollo.” Even jean bad lost ber usual calm as she slowdy signed aw ' ay ber abvays |)resent sophistication to Nancee Toombs w ' bo might easily lind use for it. l Ym w ’i lied her sun glasses to Kay to protect cherished e ' elashes now that she has lost most of them in an unfortunate oven accident. Edna Fcie after a long survey of hersell in the mirror broke into deep sobs, “And just think if I hadn t had to give my figure to Mary Barbara no one w ' ould have diiicovered my bow ' legs. Oh, dear! ” Jackie s flying interest was made to suffer wdien she had to bestow on Rats ’ Pomeroy, an up and coming eighth grader, her Hying wings — it seems both l atsy and Jackie arc a little flighty lately. Suddenly all these mull led cries were interrupted by a very shrill yodeling and sure enough over in the corner sat Denise singing lor the last time. O-la-lo-oti! She has now bequeathed this tunc to Jean Warren in hoix ' s it w ' ill give an added tou(Ji to her vocal career. Pelts shilts her diet troubles to I lelen Whiting — as it s such a burden. Margo (alter years ol practice) lends her dram- atic ability to Ginnie, w ho s still pulling the curtain. Libby leaves her bus service to Peggy Pearsall and also her motto, Just pile em in. ” Maybelle gives her abilit) ' in French to Peggy 5 cates w ' bo s just at that bon jour” stage. Prances is parting with ber choir vestments and leaves them to Ik ' tty Gregor)’, w’ bo is making great strides as a substitute. Joan leaves ber attractive shyness to Betty Sebramn. •• I )uney beejueaths ber hysterical giggle and tan- trums to Mary Whittier. Patsy rewards tbe Presbmen w’j tb ber younger brother w ' bo now’ tops Engelmann, tbe senior Pres., soaking ber tears up w itb a sponge can t decide wJiether to leave her bi-weekly visits w ith Miss Messenger to Kay Wright, tbe luture senior Pres., or to leave ber trucking ability to Barbara Brew ster. — Louise Winger, 40.

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P(i(jt‘ I vn The LANTERN CLASS PROPHECY OF 39 1 lere lies Denise Elizabeth 13intz, who lived a use! Lil but du ll life. She slaved for thirty lon years on an elementary l tin physics course in rhyme. She finally shot herself to death when her master- iece was turned down by the publishers. Alter er tragic demise a monument was erected ’ to the memory of one who died that physics might live.” 1 lere is an excerpt- from her suicide note: To be, or not to he. that is the question; whether tis nobler in the mind, etc.’ 1 lere lies Patricia Ann Clarke, who died ol over- work and w ' orry while holding the olfice ol President ol the Society for Extinction of the Male Sex. Her utter contempt for the other hall ol humanity was not made manifest until the late Presidents lirst husband eloped with a snake charmer of Ringling P ros. Circus. I ler second tw ' o husbands died pre- maturely and. although it w as impossible to discover the cause, it was rumored that the late President was merely putting into practice one ol her pet theories. I lere lies Penelope Critchlow ' , who led a stellar lile among the bright lights ol the entertainment w orld. She niarried a I el low ' member ol her troupe and together they took the country by storm w ' ith their (amous impersonation of Anne ol Green Gables.” Pen s husband w as one of the Gables and he turned Green w ' ith envy when he heard the applause Pen got. She was mobbed and suffocated alter a triumphant perlormance at the Roxy. I lere lies Jeanne Burton Engelmann. wJio became a second Florence Nightingale, spurred on by her desire not only to alleviate the suffering ol mankind throughout the world, hut also to hold the hands ol all men patients who were turned over to her care. In her farewell address to the other nurses she said, “How can my tender heart hear to leave this wide field for easing the burdens of others to care only for the hag of bones wTo is my future husband. I do not know. All I can say is. I seen my duty and I done it. 1 hank you. I lere lies Nancy 1 larriet Felts, who wrote Con- fession of a Fascist Spy” while pursuing her daring career in a Mormon Sunday School. I ler thrilling life w ' as cut short when she accidentally tripped on the Ward rug and suffered a broken neck. Un- fortunately she never regained consciousness alter her tragic fall and therelore her dying words were slightly disconnected. Enemy position . . . blue lormal, with secjuins . . . mm . . . tomato juice. 1 lere lies Edna I ' ae hirmage, who died a natural death at a ripe old age. She was an old maid because he never could make up her mind w ' hich one to accept. It isn t that I don t like Marvin, I just like Bud better. I’ve almost forgotten about Sonny. 1 le s coming out this summer and HI see if I still like h im. Don’t even mention Kay. He w ' ent skiing again this w eek-end.” I lere lies Elizabeth Haskell 1 lutchinson. w lio was known as VJolet Tree to hahituees ol Wend- over’s famous Desert Edge Club. Her hot blues singing was the main attraction of the night lile in town. She married the proprietor of the night club because he relused to pay her hack salary. She was arrested one night in a raid and lell in love w ' i th the police chief wTom she married immediately alter her divorce. She developed pneumonia posing lor [:)ictures for the Police Gazette” and died. I lere lies Barbara .loan Keyser. w ' ho su llered a nervous breakdown while trying to instigate a rev- olution in Chile. On her return to the U. S. her ellorts were lauded by an adoring public and she w ' as lorced to seek a retreat Irom their demonstra- tions. She met a tragic death wJiile executing a daring snow plow turn at I lot Pots. The Snyders ha ' e named their new angora cat Keyser, in her honor. I lere lies Anne Odell Kirtley. wJio s[)ent her declining years in a sanitarium (or mental disorders, due to a very pronounced Irustration com[)lex. 1 ler first scrawny daughter died of Light when her doting mother attempted lo teach the child to play loothall. 1 he second little girl w ' as allergic to tweeds and w ' ent raving mad when her mother gave her a pair ol tweed slacks for her second birthday. I lere lies Cary Jaquelin jco, wJio became a great woman explorer. She discovered many rare animals, among the rarest ol w hich w ' as a Polynesian tribal chieftain, whom she later married. She crashed to her death wJien she tried to load a wJiite elephant in her baby autogiro in the dead ol night. v bile eating an ice cream cone. The w hite elephant and Jackie were cremat( ' d and buried on the hank ol the Congo. I lere lies Jean Louise McClanahan. whose lile unlortunately was fraught w ' ith marital difficulties. I ler only [deasures in lile consisted in driving l Sallc entries in the lndiana[)olis Speed I landicap, singing operatic duets with Betty Van Cott at Carnegie I lall, and writing poetry denouncing the existence ol love. I ler last w ' ords were spoken as advice to the younger generation ol women. They were. Don t marry a Danish immigrant.” I lere lies Mayhelle Augusta Porter, alias T rigger Mabel, alias Slippery Sue, who w ' as shot in a gun battle between Blackie the Stooge and Two hinger Pete. Mayhelle was Blackie’s moll and Pete tried to cut in. A fierce and bloody battle ensued in which Pete accidentally shot the cause of all the trouble. As Mayhelle w ' as drawing her last breath she .said. If only you l)oys had consulted me about this dilliculty I d have gladly told you Lotli llial I m crazy about Willie the Wop.”

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Tu ' vlvv The LANTERN TMli TRAGEDY OF SANS SOUCI ll was during the time of the French rule over I laiti v hen Maninene and Jonanam were the slaves of M. Acquin. M. Acquin was the owner of a lar e coffee plantation in Haiti. Man inene and Jonanam liv ed in a small hut with their five- year-old son, Barakin. During the long day Barakin played in the forest ' o( tall palms. But while he played, his parents were working in the coffee fields. One night as they -were sitting by their hut listening to the voodoo drums they heard a shot ring out in the dark night. Then someone ran across the fields and coming up to them said. ou are free. We have killed your master and we will kill all the Frenchmen in I laiti until we are our ow n masters.” Barakin didn t know wJiat it meant so he sat still, w aiting lor his parents to speak. Maninene was the first to speak. In deep tones he muttered, 1 don’ know what se mean. Is w ' c free? I le said so hut 1 can t believe it. Free, after all dese years slaving away in dat ol man s fields. Then jonanam spoke. “Barakin, we’se free! Your [)appy an’ you an’ me is free! Think oh dat! hree to lie around ' all de da ' an’ neber have to work agin. ” That didn t mean much to Ixirakin hut to his parents it meant eternal rest. Nine months later a big black man came running through the clearing and up to the hut. “Is there Maninene, an his wile, an his chil here. he demanded in a loud voice. Maninene went up to him and said. Why lor do you want to know. “Because I lis Majesty, the llmperor, wants lo sec you. “Why for does h( ' want to see us and who is 1 lis Majesty, the Fmperor. ' “I laven t you heard the new s. All the brench- men are gone and we have made Christo[jhe our ruler. Now come with me and see 1 lis Majesty. So that was how they came to go to the half fin- ished palace. Sans Souci. When they saw it they were frightened by its magnificence, l ' d into a large room filled with ex-slaves in long gowns and stiff collars, they saw at the end of the room on a superb throne, Christophe. He w ' as dressed in all the pomp and glory of all the ages. “Who arc these slaves w ' ho dare enter the court of Christophe? ” he demanded. The slave that had taken them there answered, “This is Maninene, his wife, an’ his son.’ “Ah yes,” said the great Christophe. “I sent lor you to confer on you the title ol the Duke dc Marmelade, the Duchess de Marmelade, and Lord Marmelade. Now ' follow Tojo here and he will give you each some new clothes. ’ But, Y our Majesty, why are ' ou gi ing these names to us? ” Because you worked so hard for ' our late master. Now ' follow ' Tojo. ” For three days they lived like kings in Sans Souci, living on the best of food and sleeping on beds as soft as down. But on the third day as they w ere entering the court they saw ' that Christo|)he wasn’t there. They hurried to the Count of lemonade, w ' ho had become one of their closest friends in the short time they had been there, and asked, “Where am our ruler. Christo[)he. ” 1 le is in the church praying for a [)riest he done killed. I le’ll he here soon. ” just at that moment a cry rang through the palace. De king!’ yelled someone as they all ran into the church. The king, it seems, had had a heart attack from fear and it lelt his legs paralyzed. De king can t move his legs,” cried Lemonade. “Oh. me! We II have to go back to our little hut. groaned Maninene. A lew days later as Maninene and jonanam w ' ere nutting Barakin in bed they heard a large crowd outside the palace. A knock came at the door aiid Lemonade hurried lo them saying. “The people have all heard about I lis Majesty and they have all come to see him. They will probably kill him because they think he is bewitched and we had better get out while we can. By this time the great doors in the hall had lallen and in the middle ol all the noise they heard a shot. De king has done killed hissell, cried someone. Ihcy had to go back to their hut alter that bul alter a lew days living there again they lound that th( ' y were much happier than they had even Ix ' en at Sans Souci. II yon go to tluMr hut now F)arakin will take you high up the mountain to Christot)he’s Citadel and show you his grave. And if you a.sk him. Barakin will take you to the graves ol Nlaninene and jonanam. lar in th( ' cool, dark forest. — ' l ilsy Pomeroy, 4 ' 5.