Rowland Hall Saint Mark's - Hallmark / Lantern Yearbook (Salt Lake City, UT)

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P(i(jt‘ I vn The LANTERN CLASS PROPHECY OF 39 1 lere lies Denise Elizabeth 13intz, who lived a use! Lil but du ll life. She slaved for thirty lon years on an elementary l tin physics course in rhyme. She finally shot herself to death when her master- iece was turned down by the publishers. Alter er tragic demise a monument was erected ’ to the memory of one who died that physics might live.” 1 lere is an excerpt- from her suicide note: To be, or not to he. that is the question; whether tis nobler in the mind, etc.’ 1 lere lies Patricia Ann Clarke, who died ol over- work and w ' orry while holding the olfice ol President ol the Society for Extinction of the Male Sex. Her utter contempt for the other hall ol humanity was not made manifest until the late Presidents lirst husband eloped with a snake charmer of Ringling P ros. Circus. I ler second tw ' o husbands died pre- maturely and. although it w as impossible to discover the cause, it was rumored that the late President was merely putting into practice one ol her pet theories. I lere lies Penelope Critchlow ' , who led a stellar lile among the bright lights ol the entertainment w orld. She niarried a I el low ' member ol her troupe and together they took the country by storm w ' ith their (amous impersonation of Anne ol Green Gables.” Pen s husband w as one of the Gables and he turned Green w ' ith envy when he heard the applause Pen got. She was mobbed and suffocated alter a triumphant perlormance at the Roxy. I lere lies Jeanne Burton Engelmann. wJio became a second Florence Nightingale, spurred on by her desire not only to alleviate the suffering ol mankind throughout the world, hut also to hold the hands ol all men patients who were turned over to her care. In her farewell address to the other nurses she said, “How can my tender heart hear to leave this wide field for easing the burdens of others to care only for the hag of bones wTo is my future husband. I do not know. All I can say is. I seen my duty and I done it. 1 hank you. I lere lies Nancy 1 larriet Felts, who wrote Con- fession of a Fascist Spy” while pursuing her daring career in a Mormon Sunday School. I ler thrilling life w ' as cut short when she accidentally tripped on the Ward rug and suffered a broken neck. Un- fortunately she never regained consciousness alter her tragic fall and therelore her dying words were slightly disconnected. Enemy position . . . blue lormal, with secjuins . . . mm . . . tomato juice. 1 lere lies Edna I ' ae hirmage, who died a natural death at a ripe old age. She was an old maid because he never could make up her mind w ' hich one to accept. It isn t that I don t like Marvin, I just like Bud better. I’ve almost forgotten about Sonny. 1 le s coming out this summer and HI see if I still like h im. Don’t even mention Kay. He w ' ent skiing again this w eek-end.” I lere lies Elizabeth Haskell 1 lutchinson. w lio was known as VJolet Tree to hahituees ol Wend- over’s famous Desert Edge Club. Her hot blues singing was the main attraction of the night lile in town. She married the proprietor of the night club because he relused to pay her hack salary. She was arrested one night in a raid and lell in love w ' i th the police chief wTom she married immediately alter her divorce. She developed pneumonia posing lor [:)ictures for the Police Gazette” and died. I lere lies Barbara .loan Keyser. w ' ho su llered a nervous breakdown while trying to instigate a rev- olution in Chile. On her return to the U. S. her ellorts were lauded by an adoring public and she w ' as lorced to seek a retreat Irom their demonstra- tions. She met a tragic death wJiile executing a daring snow plow turn at I lot Pots. The Snyders ha ' e named their new angora cat Keyser, in her honor. I lere lies Anne Odell Kirtley. wJio s[)ent her declining years in a sanitarium (or mental disorders, due to a very pronounced Irustration com[)lex. 1 ler first scrawny daughter died of Light when her doting mother attempted lo teach the child to play loothall. 1 he second little girl w ' as allergic to tweeds and w ' ent raving mad when her mother gave her a pair ol tweed slacks for her second birthday. I lere lies Cary Jaquelin jco, wJio became a great woman explorer. She discovered many rare animals, among the rarest ol w hich w ' as a Polynesian tribal chieftain, whom she later married. She crashed to her death wJien she tried to load a wJiite elephant in her baby autogiro in the dead ol night. v bile eating an ice cream cone. The w hite elephant and Jackie were cremat( ' d and buried on the hank ol the Congo. I lere lies Jean Louise McClanahan. whose lile unlortunately was fraught w ' ith marital difficulties. I ler only [deasures in lile consisted in driving l Sallc entries in the lndiana[)olis Speed I landicap, singing operatic duets with Betty Van Cott at Carnegie I lall, and writing poetry denouncing the existence ol love. I ler last w ' ords were spoken as advice to the younger generation ol women. They were. Don t marry a Danish immigrant.” I lere lies Mayhelle Augusta Porter, alias T rigger Mabel, alias Slippery Sue, who w ' as shot in a gun battle between Blackie the Stooge and Two hinger Pete. Mayhelle was Blackie’s moll and Pete tried to cut in. A fierce and bloody battle ensued in which Pete accidentally shot the cause of all the trouble. As Mayhelle w ' as drawing her last breath she .said. If only you l)oys had consulted me about this dilliculty I d have gladly told you Lotli llial I m crazy about Willie the Wop.”

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The LANTERN P(UU‘ iiu ' ON A IMJNl) DATE I low excilccl you arc! Your first IWii! A l)lincl (laic — ' bill N’bo cares f low many stories have ’ou read where ibe heroine meets her drue ' love as a blind date? Your heart skips a heat. Perhaps, il you look your best, the same thin w ' ill happen to you. With such inspired hope, you don your new dress over your new’ly coiffed hair (which you think is exlremely flattering? hut which does nothing at all 10 the hoys heart) and vainly parade im and down Ix ' lore the mirror. After this promenading goes on lor a w hile, you re so used to seeing yourself that in your mind s eye you have taken at least three inches 011 your hips. You put on and take off )’our formula expressions w hich are sup[)osed to he inf a llible. he only trouble is - w ' hat do you do w ' hen you ve used them all! At last he has come. You make what you hope is a dramatic entry down the stej)s, hut unfortunately some sarcastic remark comes from one of your parents and ’ou finish your descent in a thoroughly humble manner. ou are introduced to the new ' sw ' ain and ' ou turn on Smile No. 1 w ' hich should (dways he used just as you meet him. It is startlingly brilliant, showing all your gums, and he is rather taken aback. I low ' cver, you proceed gallantly, talk- ing about the w ' cather. etc., which even bores you. All this time the dillerent smiles are appearing. The hoy reacts to these in much the same way as you look at a large number of j rools, one after another, wondering how ' you could muster up such a lot of terrible exj rcssions. Al last you arrive at the dance. I le takes your wrap and you hc ' gin to formulate the rest of your cam|)aign. Ah — ) ' ou have it! Talk to him about himself. (You have heard that all men are egotists.) With the interested, slightly curious smile No. 4a, you ask him sweetly w hat he is going to he. what sport he likes best and everything else about him.sell. I he poor hoy thinks you ve probably got a yen lor sleuthing .so he humours you. You arc terrifically bored hi cause you d much rather talk about yourself. I)ut alter all, il this is how ' the other girls get the hoys, you guess you can do it too. I ime goes on. ou have completely exhausted your luncl ol conversation and are now again hack al the weather. ou have not said a witty thing all evening. (Of course, afterwards you think of the most subtle, charming things to say). The sen- tence “Shall w ' e have some punch ’ is getting a little monotonous. P)) ' this time you leel practical!} ' w ' aterlogged. our leet hurt and your hair is coming down. The smiles hnve all become merged into one set .smirk which answers the |)urpose lor every- thing. Mona Lisa couldn t have done worse. At last comes the end. ou say, A lovel} ' party — simply grand’’ to your hostess and your partner double talks in an amazing w ' ay. Tie takes you home -- you in one corner — he in another, and you are still talking about the w ' eather. Me escorts you to the door and }’ou thank each other sw ' eetly -- you frightfully profuse and even summoning } ' our goodnight smile No. 6 -- he rather tiredly. You enter the house and say what a simply wonderful time you had and wTat a darling boy. You never see him again. — Patsy Clarke. 59. ALUMNAE COf.UMN A hit sadly I write my last Alumnae Column lor the Lantern. It has been so much fun w ' orking on tlie staff that 1 think it appropriate to w ' rite about the five last Editors-in-chief of the Lantern. Marie Pximherger, 55. after spending tw ' o years at Stanford and a } ' ear at assar, traveled exten- sively for a year in Europe. Marie returned home last March, and is now ' at her home in Cottonwood. l)arhara liintz. 56, is a Junior at Stanford and a member ol the l i P)eta Phi Sorority. Marijane Pelts,. ’57. attended Northwestern Uni- versity last year and is going to the University ol Utah this year. .Jac(fuelynne Kittle. ’58. has spent her first year ol coljege life at Bradford. She has l een leading a gay lile going to New York and Boston for her week- ends and holidays. Anne Kirtley, w ' ho deserves a great deal ol crc ' dit lor her faithful work as hMitor-in-chief tliis year, will remain at home for her first } ' ear ol college and attend the University ol Utah. — Aliinniae Ldilor. EXCl lANGE COLUMN Mter spending several delightful hours reading magazines sent to us by a lew ' of our sister schools, your exchan ge editor wishes to compliment certain j;aj)ers on articles ol special interest to her. In looking at “The Abbot Courant.” Irom tfu ' Abbot Academy, I found that they had made a .school calendar with all school events tabulated in a verv concise and interesting form. The Kent LI ace School reports in their paper. Cargoes, an unusual number of theatrical produc- tions. In looking through 1 he Stephens Standard,’’ I line! that among the students there are some very capable writers and many ver} ' attractive girls. The Lantern Staff hopes to add more papers to its exchange list next year and also to continue exchanges wi th the ones of this year. — Exchange Editor.

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The LANTERN Page nicrvn Mere lies Mar cirol Louise Spargo w ho struggled loFig and hard to attain the position ol kindergarten teacher at the Twellth School. Being unable to ecjual, much less better, the I.Q. of her more ad- vanced prospective |)upils, she finally decided to devote her lile to religious pursuits. She became lirst assistant to Annie Simple McPherson and drowned in the Pacilic Ocean w ' hile olficiating at a baptism. I lere lies June Scoweroft Svvaner who invented a sign language lor universal use, which does aw ay with all necessity (or learning (oreign languages. She said w ' hen |)resenting a copy of her book to the long suffering members of the French class at R. Ik. the scene ol many of her earlier struggles, 1 wish to aid struggling students the w orld over and il my ow n sad experiences can in any w ay aid the youth ol today, I am ghid to sacrilice my time and sympathy in pursuing this praisew orthy objec- tive. ’ I ler( ' lies Flizal)cth V an Cott, w ' ho died at the age ol 90, alter retaining the Worlds Boxing Championship for 41 years. She killed her second husba[)d. I )r. helix Peanutbrain, with a meat grinder during a discussion ol the subordination ol the w ' ife in the home. She w ' as electrocuted lor this mis- demeanor. and her last w ' ords, as she strangled three of the prison guards, were, “I regret that I must die in the prime of lile; I was counting on a return fiiatch with my third husband. I lere lies Ruth I ' rances Wiggs, who w ' as a good Scout leader until she went berserk and married an Indian j)rince to try to make him do his good turn daily. She loved him dearly and they w ere very happy until he was recalled home. She insisted on a(’com[)anying him in order to convert the Gandhi dancers to good scout ways. But w ' hen she got to India and saw the rest ol her princes harem she |)assed (juietly away, saying her scout jdedge. — Belly Vein Colt, 59. WHAT DOFS IT M1:AN TO YOU? I he cnrlli meant grime aiul sweat to him. I le had no sentiment lor it s moisture. It held forlh hlacL smelly hands . I le hated its pressure beneath his leet. he same ground held opportunity for another. In it his keen eye sensed metal and oil. Money in his pockets clinked a greeting 10 the earth Irom which it had come. I he earth was making him important. Sure he was the marhie champ of the gang. I le was ojily a kid hut the dirt guided marbles. I hey obeyed it he was a worshipper. I he ground was beautiful to another. 11 meant stalks ol corn and wheat. II was a home lor hf-iplid insects Fating weeds that burrowed dee]) in its richness. Margaret Booth by, 41. LAST WdLL AND TESTAMFNT Upon entering tbe room 1 stumbled over a mass ol w ' eeping and w ' ailing seniors of tbe Class ol ’59. Irritably picking myself up from tbe floor I de- manded. Wby all this w ' ailing w ' all effect?’’ As usual it W ' as left to Kirt to explain tbe trouble. Ilacb senior bas to give away ber most precious possession, sbe sobbed, and 1 bave to leave my size eights to Kleine with room for rent. Glancing to my left I saw’ another long, blonde female going com[)leteK ' to pieces. ■‘Oh. I can t, 1 just can t decide; it’s either Rollo or the physics book. My physics book bas all the answers in it, but so bas Rollo. Ob, 1 can t decide ... I guess I II bave to leave tbe physics to Bar because I m sure sbe won’t w ' ant Rollo.” Even jean bad lost ber usual calm as she slowdy signed aw ' ay ber abvays |)resent sophistication to Nancee Toombs w ' bo might easily lind use for it. l Ym w ’i lied her sun glasses to Kay to protect cherished e ' elashes now that she has lost most of them in an unfortunate oven accident. Edna Fcie after a long survey of hersell in the mirror broke into deep sobs, “And just think if I hadn t had to give my figure to Mary Barbara no one w ' ould have diiicovered my bow ' legs. Oh, dear! ” Jackie s flying interest was made to suffer wdien she had to bestow on Rats ’ Pomeroy, an up and coming eighth grader, her Hying wings — it seems both l atsy and Jackie arc a little flighty lately. Suddenly all these mull led cries were interrupted by a very shrill yodeling and sure enough over in the corner sat Denise singing lor the last time. O-la-lo-oti! She has now bequeathed this tunc to Jean Warren in hoix ' s it w ' ill give an added tou(Ji to her vocal career. Pelts shilts her diet troubles to I lelen Whiting — as it s such a burden. Margo (alter years ol practice) lends her dram- atic ability to Ginnie, w ho s still pulling the curtain. Libby leaves her bus service to Peggy Pearsall and also her motto, Just pile em in. ” Maybelle gives her abilit) ' in French to Peggy 5 cates w ' bo s just at that bon jour” stage. Prances is parting with ber choir vestments and leaves them to Ik ' tty Gregor)’, w’ bo is making great strides as a substitute. Joan leaves ber attractive shyness to Betty Sebramn. •• I )uney beejueaths ber hysterical giggle and tan- trums to Mary Whittier. Patsy rewards tbe Presbmen w’j tb ber younger brother w ' bo now’ tops Engelmann, tbe senior Pres., soaking ber tears up w itb a sponge can t decide wJiether to leave her bi-weekly visits w ith Miss Messenger to Kay Wright, tbe luture senior Pres., or to leave ber trucking ability to Barbara Brew ster. — Louise Winger, 40.