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Page 32 text:
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Bullies are playing that powerful team from Del Carbo Tech which stars such brilliant players as Eleanor Spitball Renick and Dorothy Home Run Cumberlidge. I arrived at the stadium just in time to see that outstanding pitcher Tudy Young, warm up. I hear she learned the fine art of pitching from her husband. After the third inning, the score being 42 to 0, I decided to rent a car and go for a ride in the country. The ride would have been peaceful except for the fact that I was arrested by that notorious motorcycle policeman, Tames Barbour, for the ridiculous charge of driving 21 m.p.h. in a 20 m.p.h. zone . I was brought before the terror of the bench, Tustice Linda Pennington, who is reported to have sentenced Larry Bell, for flying his car without a pilot's license. I was afraid that I was going to be fined a fortune, but through the assistance of that famous criminal lawyer, Gerald Hina. I got off by only paying a $500 fine. Weary of the long night's work, I decided to return to my peaceful home near the sub- way. But I discovered that I was nearly out of gas, so I stopped at a neighborhood gas station operated by Sherry Unqemach. It seems that she became interested in this type of work during her high school days. Leaving the station, I decided to listen to the radio I tuned in the radio to station WRHS, where the famous women's hair stylist, Jim Tignor, was giving expert adviceon how to powder your wig. After that welcome advice, two commentators. Earl Bowen and Jim Strickler. discussed the merits of the local sewage system. Hey, Klemm, we're mentioned in the article! We are! Yes, it says: Finally I reached home on 42nd street, weary but happy in the sense that I had successfully completed my first column. I was greeted by the milkman. Klemm Ungemach, who has faithfully served on the milk force for the last 42 years. Just as I reached the door a paper dropped at my feet. Looking back I saw the paperboy, Mike Skinner, going down the street. He is just another faithful servant of the public. Pretty good column, huh, Mike? Yep, pretty good column. Klemm Ungemach and Mike Skinner 28
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Page 31 text:
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Upon reaching my destination, I paid the cabbie, and entered The Bird Nest. The smoke was so dense that I accidently bumped into a waitress, who to my suprise turned out to be Carole Fitzpatrick. She steered me to a table where she gave me a menu and took my order for a pizza. The juke box was pounding out Faded Love and Wilted Roses sung by America's Sweetheart, Betty Still. Two young college kids were dancing cheek to cheek in the center of the dance floor. They were Becky Thompson and Rick Wilson, both of whom are seniors at Billingsley University, the local college. Mostof you may not know it, but the college was named for Mrs. Bonnie Billingsley, the wealthy society lady. Over in a smoke filled comer sat two fads of the pad, Ronnie Maines and Janet Wolfe. As most of you know, fads of the pad are beatniks. I noticed my pizza was being prepared by the National Pizza Baking Champion, Mark Pepperoni Hendrickson. After eating my pizza and paying my bill, I strolled out into the cool night air. Walking uptown I noticed a poster advertising a prize fight at the Arena featuring Terry Killer Miller and Paul Leave'm Dyin Bryan. Suddenly the still night air was ripp- ed by the sound of sirens. Thinking a story might be hrewing, your daring reporter follow- ed the ambulances to the hospital. The nurse, Tim Savage, informed me that the Mayor of Roseville, Carol Adams, was merely coming in for her weekly check up. Getting back to my original mission of touring the night spots,I proceeded tc Roseville High School. The alumni Banquet was being held that night. Inside I metsome of the distinguished alumnae. They were Farrell Anderson,outstanding piccolo player for the Roseville Philharmonic, Kristine Kildow, president of the Roseville Dill Pickle Plant, who was elected National Businesswoman of the Year for perfecting the perfect pickle, and Ray Valentine, president of the Lonely Hearts Club, a community effort to stamp our all elig- ible bachelors. Over in one corner, I noticed that valiant astronaut Keith Pietcher being photographed by Paul Lovinqshimer as Keith's wife, Shiela Pietcher, lovingly plants a kiss on his cheek. Over in one comer, I spied Tames Mclnerney, the famous nuero-surgeon, better known to his associates as Mac the Knife. Just before I left, in walked Mr. Muscles of 1970, Roger Murgatroyd, world's strongest man. I noticed by the watch that it was time for the local girls' softball team, the Bowden Bullies coached by the All-American girl softball player, Arlene Bowden. The
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