Robert Louis Stevenson School - Circus Yearbook (New York, NY)

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The Shore Special The 5:50 chugged past the many tourist and resort towns that spot the north Jersey shore. The car was full of mid-summer commuters who sat hunched over their New York Times or Wall Street journal. It had been a hot sticky day and the faint breeze that came through the open windows was met with weak and grateful murmurs from the passengers. Tlx k bldg- - .15 I r . W i if .. 1 l 'kv .1 f, mx Y X Q Mike slumped in a seat at the rear of the car. He threw j .4 2 his dufile bag down at his feet and let it rest there as he 5 fumbled through his pockets. The conductor came by and 9' . . . . i -. waited patiently while the soldier pulled out a crumpled half to a round trip ticket. The train clambered along into heavy sea-mist. Mike pulled out a pack of cigarettes and began to take long thoughtful draws from one. He let the smoke settle around his head, his eyes following the swirls and patterns with a blank stare of exhaustion, his uniform was mussed and the bright colors' of his campaign ribbons were shadowed by a film of soot and dust. He slumped further in his seat and with the window ledge as a pillow he tried to sleep. At Red Bank the car emptied, a dead greyness fell over everything and as the electricity was switched on the figures of a few dozing old men were sharp shadows against the lifeless car. Mike stirred and tried to turn his head away from the glare. As the train jerked along his head kept hitting the ledge in time with the engines steady drone. Little lines seemed to cross his forehead and around his eyes. His handswere clenched and the muscles of his jaw worked up and down. These people - the 5:50 regulars were going home to a cool shower and a detective novel - this was their routine-oiiice-train home-train-oflice. Mike had his routine to-war-train to camp to train to destination unknown-and back. Now he was on his way again. By the time the train left Alberon the ugly lines and tense muscles had disappeared. Mike slept - in the groggy unconsciousness that follows a long period of strain. He let his head pound against the ledge and his knees were extended in wild contortions over the opposite seat. Last stop - Ocean Grove -- Everybody off now! the conductor hustled into the car. Hey Mac - the ride's over - move the body, he gently nudged the sleeping soldier. Slowly with terrible deliberation Mike opened one eye - then the next. They were clouded with fatigue and the rims were red and swollen. As he untwined himself and began to adjust his dufile bag the horrible littlei lines began to sharpen and the muscles in his jaw shot out. Finally, he threw the bag over his shoulder and walked carefully down the aisle. Inaba Zinnerafein G

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'Rx - f to af- c s N 1 i' A .3 f f 4,5 I 4 Q , L as 1 X c I X f I X X, 'yi 'st . I +C' Two wendy +8 I would never have gone if I had known we'd meet. It was a big surprise seeing him there walking toward me on 34th street. I tell you I would never have gone, and I would still be living in blissful peace, no thoughts haunting me - not see his face. You see it's night. All this happened today, a few hours ago. The day had starred beautifully, little puffs of clouds, blue, blue, sky, and a warm May sun. Yes the day was beautiful and I was going dancing. I was happy. Then I saw him. He saw me at the same time. His face lit up and he smiled a broad grin, he walked toward me. Yes, I'd known this boy well, I'd lived a whole summer with him, sung, danced and eaten with him. We'd gone to the same camp, laughed, cried, and played together, and'now we met. He hadn't changed, he looked the same. I was glad to see him and we stood and talked about camp, his sister, how he was, and then I looked around. People were looking at us, staring at us, staring at me. Two women, well dressed and sleek, brushed past me and I caught the word Shame Outraged stares, indig- nant stares, stares, smres, stares, everyone was staring at me. I felt as though I was on a stage, a huge stage, I was an actress, I'd forgotten my lines. I knew. I knew then what was wrong. Somehow my joy felt forced and wrong. My skin felt tight and stretched across my face. I didn't feel right. He realized the trouble and his face tightened. I shall never forget his face. His head held high and his shoulders taut. We both began to speak and stopped embarrassed. He said he'd see me soon and went on. I knew I'd probably never see him again. I was there alone at 34th street, the crowds pushing past me. My fun was spoiled. Yes I got a dress, a beautiful dress, a dress to have fun in, to dance in. This all happened today, and now it's night and I can't help thinking, thinking of a Negro boy whom I hope I shall never see again. .jdlly glint!

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Ndx A Poem I Sweet is the taste of impending danger Beautiful the thought of a murderous plot Enticing the sensuous beat of a savage's drum And the pounding of thunder inside your brain Exciting the dream of a suicide fall And the howling of devils down within hell Forbidden the thoughts of oozing blood Tempting the look of eyes in the dark I have felt all this And I have seen much more Like the little figures crawling up my bedroom wall And the slimy snakes wriggling When I walk upon the floor And the arms of Sataris messengers That grips me as I pass The evil face that glares at me When I peer into my looking glass And the piercing, shrieking whistle That breaks into my dreams And the laughing of a tortured soul My very self outscreams Uh, the pity and damnation and the hardness of it all That I should have to suffer so And bear these miseries within my deadened heart. And have no thought but that of dying soon II It isn't fair It shouIdn't he It will not be I will not let myself be drawn into these tedious nights of horror I will not let these demons of the devil Iixtorl from my soul the precious price of happiness. What matters it? If I die, I will have peace Beautiful soothing peace My body will find rest Its torment stayed But ----- If I live ----- What hope is there for me? I myself have lost all hope My soul has been taken It is not mine anymore I grape forever in the darkness Trying - Trying to bring it back But it forever eludes my grasp. T'we.re better I were in my grave ' Than to live within this hollow shell of life and misery. III With endeless caverns for mouths And millions of heads Each with a spear of white flame licking out towards me From their green foreheads And no more torturing hours of being by myself Of hearinglweird laughs from all corners of my room Laughs that grew louder and louder and louder till my head seemed about to burst. And then the sudden silence Deafening silence the room resounds with the heavy volume of nothingness. IV But ------ Oh how could I have forgotten There is just two more hours of life left for me The doctor told me so! After that ----- Security will harbor itself within my body. And I will know peace as I have never known it. Isn't it wonderful ---- ? No more dreams of dragons And I can no longer see The white walls are going farther and farther away The lines of contours of the room have become dimmer and blurredL The clock is striking the hour I shall die soon I know I shall It will be nice - very nice Ifm glad I'm dying There wasn't much else left for me upon this earth Only unhappiness And l'll be glad so very glad When I finally leave here And find the final security That has been lacking all my life. Nina Kimche