Riverview Military Academy - Orbit Yearbook (Poughkeepsie, NY)

Page 20 text:

THE 1916 RIVERVIEW ORBIT Passcrs-by . It was very pathetic. In re- sponse to the applause he gave a concluding speech which began- Long practice alone has made my tongue so supple and my wit so bril- 1iant. i He was wrong, the practice had not been alone, it had been down at table-he was wrong in the other things, too. I eagerly awaited the next act, which was billed as Thomas E. Caruso . My suspicions were aroused by the sign and confirmed when Tom Parker appeared on the stage, dragging a piano after him. On the piano was a banner, Hyde Park. After dressing the piano and giving Front ! Tom took his place at the keyboard and began- I stood on the bridge at midnight . He gave us all his old favorites- Absent , ' ' Good-bye , I kissed her twenty times or more, but I alas am only four -this he had evidently rearranged since he sang it in school-and Ein Feste Burg . He pounded the bass so hard in the flagellation of this piece that several keys were splintered and a new piano had to be provided. Throughout his act were visible traces, only half subdued, of the same gestures and expres- sions that Tom had put to such good advantage in impersonating Mr. Kelley from Kalamazoo . I thrilled with pleasure at recognizing them, for I alone knew, their real source. As Tom was bowing after his last song, Harry stuck his head out of the wings and yelled I didn't know he Caruso . Tommy threw the piano stool at him, but at this critical juncture his basketball eye failed him and he missed his mark. Can this, too, be one of my old friends? I said aloud, as the placards announced Rollo Rivoli . So Sullivan was appearing as a quick- change artist! He lolled lazily onto the stage attired as a traveling salesman, but nobody was fooled for a minute. After setting down the dress suit case he was carrying, he walked off, only to reappear twenty minutes later as Dicken's Tiny Tim. This grotesquerie made a belated hit. He withdrew, and, only fifteen minutes later this time, came on again as Victor Hugo. In this guise he recited in French seven verses each be- ginning with Est-ce que , He bowed again and the insomniacs applauded as the curtain fell. His act had been a restful one. After Sullivan's act, the manager of the thea- tre, in whom I was surprised to see Mr. Clancy,

Page 19 text:

THE 1916 RIVERVIEW ORBIT The Brnpbenp All the world's a stage- A short time ago-it was on the eighth anniver- sary of my graduation-I went once more to Poughkeepsie. Having a few idle moments at my disposal, I decided to visit again the scene of our up-town-night soirees, and bought a ticket for Cohen's. The familiar sights and sounds and smells had conjured up new memories of the old days'.', and I was so rapt in reminiscence that I failed to notice the photos and the glaring posters which lined the sarcophagus-like foyer. Quite in the old fashion, I gave my ticket to the female at the gate, and was politely told to go down-stairs. Meekly I obeyed, and was shown to a rickety seat by the Hdemure spinster in attendance below. After the orchestra's agonized rhapsodies had come to a triumphal demise, the curtain and the moving picture screen changed places, and I braced myself for the ensuing fillum . The an- nouncement of a five part picture flashed up be- fore me and I saw with astonishment that the title role was to be played by Elliott William Smith. The picture dealt with the adventure of an in- nocent country youth, who, forced to seek a living in the big city, was led into complications with one temptress after another. In the end, how- ever, the simple charms of the girl back home on Hooker Avenue prevailed and all ended hap- pily in a dance-on the back drop, for they had pulled up the movie sheet too soon. I squinted vainly through the darknessg then the lights came and I read by the mis-spelled placards- Handsome Harry, Monologistn. It was Harry Cleveland, that was easily to be recog- nized by the heavy tread which I had so often heard outside my door before reveille. At the center of the stage he paused, and, bowing grace- fully, began his monolog. It brought back the past very vividly, for his jokes were the same old ones, and his puns were as far-fetched as ever- Pass the butter, please, you 'butter' hurry. As I was eating my roast duck tonight, I thought of facing this audience, and I thought I better duck . Faint cries of You 'butter' were heard in the audience. He Enished his spiel without acci- dent, however, and began his favorite ballad,

Page 21 text:

THE 19l6 RIVERVIEW ORBIT erstwhile of the Dutchess, stepped from the wings and announced in honeyed tones that Mr. Smith, whom we had just seen in pictures, would favor us with a personal appearance. He drew back, the drums blared, but no Smith came mincing out. The audience, in a fever of excitement, was forced to wait Eve long minutes before he came rushing on. You will forgive me , he said, but I just fell in love again-my, what a queen l We forgave him, as they always did at school, and he went on: -But such a practical audience-I had prac- tically forgotten you, as I do practically all of my practical audiences. Now, I want to tell you a little about my work , etc., etc. Leslie Hill was the basis of all his acting, so he said. This famous part had become ingrained into his very soul-. The house went wild. His efforts had borne fruit. Schwartz, Marvellous Mathematieiann, said the sign. Well , thought I to myself, t'Sehwartz mathematics always were marvellous. Ned had changed greatly. He was taller- and thinner. He stood before us, clothed in black. His assistant was dressed to represent the goddess of memory. Schwartz must have been feeling a bit under the weather, for twice he failed to add up a ten- digit column of figures in less than three seconds, and there was a forgetful look in his eye. To show that he was an adept at all branches of mathe- matics, he balanced two spheres in his hands so that they were parallel, a truth which he had maintained in Solid Geometry. At the close of Ned's act a lamentable accident occurred. As he stood bowing at the front of the stage, the rapidly descending curtain caught him unawarcs. They bore his senseless form sad- ly away to Vassar hospital, while the Hmovie curtain fell quickly to quell the excitement. Comedy succeeded tragedy, for the picture was Charlie Chaplin . Imagine my surprise, how- ever, to recognize in Charlie's right-hand man- Clink . It was hc, he who received all the kicks in the stomach and had all the plates broken over his head. He was the goat. I rejoiced. I had been his room-mate for two years, and I had always been the goat before. When Charlie hit him in the face with an egg, it reminded me of Clink using his massage cream. When Charlie turned the hose on him, it brought to mind the time when DceK fainted on Pizie's bed.