Riverside High School - Torch Yearbook (Riverside, NJ)

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Jeffrey- Well, who then ? Chuck- Helen Limburg. I didn't hear her name among the flaming beauties in the second chapter. jeffrey- But she isn't a flaming beauty. Chuck- What! No red hair? jeffrey- u Oh, Secretary. Secretary- Yes, Mr. Robson. QEnter Helen Limburg with paper in front of her face.j Jeffrey- I want you to meet a friend. Helen Limburg, this is C. O. Df' fHelen drops paper and reveals blond maskj C. O. D.- Helen Limburg gone blond! tHe faints.j - Announcer: What a surprise! And this will be a surprise for many of you. Tinso presents- Lady Tinso:: 'Jeeping around Town' by Up N. Down, our flashy news commentator. U. N. D.: There is a fight in the air, folks. A dashing, young sailor whose name is said to be Lucius Lemke and Frank Romeo Guzenski have been having a heated battle at Tonawanda and Ontario Streets, Buffalo. The reason is a mystery. It is reported that jane Murtagh recently ditched Lucius in favor of Frank. Lemke threatens to foreclose the mortgage and turn Frank out of house and home if he cloesn't give up jane. Frank has hired Steve Boogy-Man Korpan to haunt Luke. Meanwhile we learn that Jane is now at the Riverside Theatre with the local playboy, James Travers. Flash! Flash! Flash! Judge Henry Rauch has just granted a final divorce decree to Thelma Wally Stacey. Her last husband was William Kimball, trapeze artist. It is rumored that she is soon to marry the millionaire polo-player, Earl Isaac. William Phillips has been frequenting fashion shows lately. He claims he is a fashion critic, but we all know he goes for a striking model at Ritz Du-Pont, hangout for all unemployed Riverside graduates. All members of the class of 1937, now listening, will remember Jane Evans. They're off! And not the horses either. It's Myrtle Graf, jeep shoe model in New York City and Vernon King, chief Caddie at the Grover Cleveland golf course. It's getting so it's more profitable and lots more fun to bet on the outcome of these two lover lights than to play the doggies at Jack Lafhn's dog race track.', A contest for the largest last name, started last week in the Congressional Library, ended today in a tie between Charles Schreckenberger and his fiancee, Rita Schneggenberger, with 15 letters each. Count them if you don't believe me. Until the difference of a spoon is both and prunes is spelled with a 'b,' so what's the difference -anyhow?', . So long. Lady Tinso: The sign of intelligence is a high forehead. But don't let those bald headed men fool you. If they had any intelligence at all, they would use Tinso to prevent falling hair. If you have any friends-If you have any friends who have falling hair, make it your duty to tell them about Tinso. And now our announcer has something to say about duty. No, don't turn off your radios yet. You may catch on to one of our jokes later. Come in, jeff ! Announcer: Ten years ago, today, our advertising manager, Clarence Lanich, published a book in which he said that it was the duty of each and every member of a graduating class of Riverside High School to leave behind him something by which future students may remember him. Yesterday we found, hidden in our files, several letters in reply to this statement. One of these should be of special interest to our radio audience. Here it is! 'Dear Tinso: 'Being in sound mind we do solemnly swear by the beards of Frank DeGlopper and William Ferguson that these are our last gifts to Riverside and in so doing can neither retract or change the said gifts so long as Niagara Falls falls, grass grows, Henry Tesluk and Paul Klein make the honor rollg Whereas if the party of the first part, Frank DeGlopper should suddenly lose his beard, or the party

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CLASS PROPHECY ' Hello! Hello! Hello! This is Jeffrey Robson speaking from station W. R. I. V., with studios in Riverside High School. As you all know this is the tenth anniversary of the graduation of the class of 1937. We bring you a varied program to remind you that the class of 1937 lives on and on and on to the bitter end. This program is sponsored by Tinso, owned and operated by john Polanski. And now, if you'll tune in your television apparatus we'll set our television sending tube and present the Lady Tinso Varieties. Are you ready? Chorus of male voices: Yea, man! QThey singj. Oh Lady Tinso went to town, her speed was quite cyclonicg She went into a beauty shop and bought some Tinso tonic! Lady Tinso- Do you want to be the envy of all your feminine friends? Do you want Ed Dwor- nik to make eyes at you? Then your hair must be soft and shining. Use Tinso Tonic. It will do wonders. You need not take my word for it. Ask Marvin Albrecht how he got the curls? Tinso brings you a skit entitled 'Blond' or 'Why Mothers Get Gray.' We take you to the studio of jeffrey Robson, author par excellence of minus, essays, books, magazine articles, advertisements, excuses to leave school and alibis for absence. jeffrey is played by Jerome D. Robinson and Charles O. Dec is played by Joseph Kish. Here they are. jeffrey-Well, Chuck, aren't you dignified now that you are a great surgeon! Charles- Oh, I don't know. I still cut up a bit. jeffrey-- How's business? C. O. D.- Pretty good. I operated on crooner Robert Mullen last week. jeffrey- You did? Was the operation successful? Charles- I'll say it was. I took out his vocal chords. The very next day that super radio sales- man, Ed Schano, sold ten radios. What are you doing nowadays ? jeffrey- Didn't you know? I'm writing a book, 'The School by the Rippling River'. Charles- Can I see it? Jeffrey-- Sure. Go right ahead. fHe takes the manuscript from the table and holds it out to Chuck., Chuck-fTurns to table of contents and reads., Chapter I, 'The skis and skas of Riverside'. Chapter II, 'In the Red'. Chapter III 'Miscellaneous'. QWith puzzled 1ook.j Say , what is this? I don't get it. Jeffrey- It's all very simple. In Chapter I you'll find articles on such people' as: the chorus girl, Monica Brylinska, Henrietta Teplittsky, poet, the great explorer, Lawrence Arciewzewski, and Helen Golanka, sit-down artist. C.- What next? jeffrey- In Chapter II we can find all our carrot top friends including Betty McKee, Vernon King, and Leon Moulin. Chuck- But there's something missing in that chapter. jeffrey- Is there? What ? Chuck- I can't tell exactly, but go aheadg I'll probably think of it later. Jeffrey- In Chapter III we find such miscellaneous items as accounts of june Wolfe, debutante and Fred Smith, government controller of elections. Chuck- That ought to be good, the world will be glad to get the dope on Fred. Gee! I've got it, I know what's missing. Jeffrey-' 'What ? Chuck- It's a who.

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or the last part, Paul Klein, should flunk German, this contract shall be, upon immediate order of the Maslany twins, our lawyers, declared null and void. 'Our newest members, Genevieve Duponka, Irene jesionowska, Camille Komodzinska, Irene Lew- andowski, Amelia Kopzinski, Helen Rogozinski, Lottie Wiatrowski, jacob Utzig, Frank Suhay, Gwen- ton Wonnacott, Frank Ksiazek, and Helen Tymczyszn leave to all studyroom teachers a self-pronounc- ing, automatic, pocket size, name dictionary in which the proper way to chew, cough, or sneeze, proper names is easily shown. This remarkable volume has been published for the partial use of new teachers. 'Dorothy Hermann gives to typing students her unbeatable knack of borrowing ty ing paper to whom so ever of the undergraduate classes it is most needed. Particular attention must ie given to a girl whose first initials are Eleanor Knapp. 'Sam Pepperman bequeaths his glib business tongue to any Junior who in the course of his high school career must take Intermediate homework. 'To the Freshmen, we give our humor. For every subject that you fail, for every scolding you receive, for each blue-slip some designing teacher hands you, flash on our winning smile and see where it will get you in the end. 'To the Sophomores, we bequeath our courage. When your resolution to work harder peters out, when you meet your first Regents, when you have Miss Creagh for English, don't give up Soph., Work on, work on, and see where it will get you in the end. 'To the Juniors we give our love for hard work and personal glory. We give to you the ability to meet defeat bravely, to sing as you crack under the strain of heavy courses. 'All these we will give you. But where will it get you ?-In the end? 'Signed, 'The Die Hard Social Club, WILLIAM STENSON, Presidenlf 'P.S. If you don't get this letter send us a return addressed envelope and we'll send you the carbon copy'. Lady Tinso: We have in the studio a member of the class of '37 who without further ado will present the history of this famous class as he read it on class day way back in '37. Dr. joseph Kish, Professor of Mental Telepathy at the University of Panama Canal. Dr. Kish. Lady Tinso: Thank you, Dr. Kish. And now we turn back the pages of time and present you a dramatization of Walter Winchell the second, writing his famous dirt column. This Walter Win- chell, by the way, is Ernest Nelson. The scene is the office of the said Winchell. W.: Oh my head! I can't think. The Skipper goes to press tomorrow and my column is not finished. Will someone bring me some news? QTelephone r'ngs.j Hello! Yes. Go on! You don't say? He did? I can see it in headlines already. Anything else? No just the usual things. Thanks a lot. fHangs up., Where's my pencil? Where's my pen? Where's my typewriter? Let me at it! I've got news, news. Secretary: Can I help? W.: Can you help? I'll say you can. Take this down. Flash from across the ocean. Walter Winchell brings you a flash. Flash! Walter Stelley has broken his all time record. He was seen with a date last Saturday night. He usually.meets his girl inside the show. Secretary: Say, I've dug up some news too. Listen fwhispersj and fwhispersj. W.: That's all we need. Cut it down in this form. Marion Conklin and Marion Stark, those two droll girls and their powder puff boy friend are slowly drifting away from social circles. lt was suggested that jim Hewson be presented with another of those appreciated gifts in his Public Speaking Class. W.: What is that dire secret that Fred Smith is trying to keep away from the public? Ask P.B. Raymond Berkowitz, nature's gift to women, has turned amateur jack the Jeeper. Well, well, what have we here? Mr. Miller now walks to school instead of riding in his nice new car. Us it economy?j