Ripon College - Crimson Yearbook (Ripon, WI)

Page 15 text:

LANE LIBRARY R1P0N COLLEGE if men, and a permanent wave, if wo- men, and report before May 15. If not. report anyway. Let’s get on. Ah. a special. ‘‘Dear Sir: My son made a remarkable record in high school, really much better than his grades show. He belonged to the foot- ball team, the Ed Wynn Dramatic Club, the Harmonica Serenaders. the City Bowling Team, and the Knights of Rest, but I am disappointed in his college work. Will you kindly call him in and have a hear-to-heart talk and find out what is the matter? And if he lacks brains, he takes after his papa: kindly supply same. ...” Well, the dean has none to spare. ‘‘Br-i-i-i-i-ng. The telephone. “Lost a cat? Well, this isn’t the lost and found de “Oh, no, no—certainly not The Biology department has its own supply of subjects. . . . No. positively not. The halls have been expressly warned about that. Hope you find the feline. . . . No. I did not ask you how you were feeling. You ask me! Memoranda: Faculty meet- ing at 4:30: Case of Ripon Col- lege vs. I. M. A. Loafer: special Student Council at 6:45: Did Vcrra Popular go to X. Hall after being pledged to Y? So- cial Committee at 8:00: Frater- nity wants to have a penthouse party on its roof. “A visitor, sir.’ Well, well if it isn’t John Blank! Graduated 29. No? '23? Doesn't seem possible. And the lady? Your wife? Good heav- ens! Practicing in Chicago, eh? Haven't changed a bit. unless it’s in the periphery, hut then, who am I to— How the college generations roll by! It seems only yester- day. . . . And all the college yesterdays pass musingly in re- view—Tumdrum and exciting, tragic and funny. Faces .... faces....... youth forever flushed with morn- ing. standing tip-toe on its mountain- top . . . memories “thick as autumn leaves that strew the brooks of Vallom- brosa. Hmmm . . . it’s dinner time. . . . An- other day. . . . Lock the door. . . . Faces . . . faces . . . life. . . . What’s that line of Shelley s: Life like a dome of many colored glasss tains the white radiance of eternity.’’— Well, as Tiny Tim remarked. God bless us all!” “Come in, sir!”

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Dean J. ('. Graham A dean is likely to be regarded by students as a cross between the bogie of old nursery rhymes He'll get you if you don't watch out! and the medie- val devil. His symbol might well be the Gothic gargoyle grinning diaboli- cally from shadowy vantage points, his coat-of-arms the skids couchant and the vocabulary ramant. Above his of- fice door should be charactered Dante’s dread lines, Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.” His waiting room seems the shore of ancient Styx, and his sec- retary none less than Charon himself, fearful ferryman muttering a significant Next!” Yet in this mephitic citmosphere sits a poor human being thumbing roll-call lists, meditating on dinner, and trying not to grin as he muses upon the old disparity between the lure of calculus or history and parlor conquests, or the common human ineptiude for eight o'clocks. But what a place for getting acquainted with human nature! Ah, here conies number one a freshman girl looking as if she thought A Dean’s Day I'm. ah—flow, Mister S my the. about that matin of roll rail ... I ate them without salt! Rather too bad: probably not adjusted yet just a little pep-talk. Number two- oh, yes: Tom has been a regular caller now for three years. Roll call would never be the same with- out Tom! Me has developed the cal- losity of an academic rhino and a rep- ertoire of alibis that would do credit to a sailor caught ashore without leave. He should be parboiled and served with a touch of tobasco. Out he goes, grinning amiably, and leaving his tor- menter feeling a little inhuman. Charon appears in the door. “Here s the chap the police department called up about. He couldn’t pay his line and they hated to jail him: thought maybe you. ...” All right. Send him in. “Driving without a license, eh? What's the idea? Don’t you know yet !!!!!! etc.” ’’Well, you see. Dean, its an old Model T I bought from a fellow for $2.00 and gee whiz, I can’t pay a $10 license for a $2 crate! Then get rid of it.” 'I tried to. I wanted to give it hack to the fellow I bought it from, but he wouldn't take it.” And discipline dissolves in laughter. The morning mail, sir. Uinm-a batch of advertisements, three bills, and an endless question- naire: What percentage of your stu- dents had mumps before the age of four, and if not. why not? ... If you endorse Section A. Article 11. Sub-sec- tion 3b of our recent summary, kindly apply these findings to all of your blonde juniors who wear a 14£ collar. —10—

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Satire A college is an institution. It is com- posed of buildings, professors, and stu- dents. The professors get paid (us- ually) for what they do and the stu- dents pay (theoretically) for what they’re supposed to do during the year. Both groups think they’re get ting gyped. The professors lecture in various rooms in these buildings on five days of the week. It's their way of earning a living. Groups of stu- dents listen to these lectures an hour at a time, and during the hour they draw caricatures, whirligigs, and oth- er specimens of art in their notebooks. It is their way of reacting to the mag- netic personality of the professors. In spite of being handicapped by the dis- turbing voice of the professor, the note- book creations are quite interesting, and a fair amount of success is at- tained. The students are divided into four groups, namely freshmen, sophomore junior, and senior. The only difference between a freshman and a senior is that the senior has been here four vears and owes a larger bill. During four years in college the senior gets to know a lot of things. He learns that a good pen. a few sheets of paper, and a good- ly supply of adjectives are the only essentials one needs to pass an exam- ination. A few facts are used occa- sionally. but they are so unnecessary. He finds out that it is a good policy tc quote professors. They like it and us- ually remember it when making out grades. Grades are another word for liberal education. He gets to think of an eight o’clock class as a concoction of the devil and carried out by married professors who have numerous off- spring in the family and can't sleep in the morning anyhow. If the senior passes everything, re- gardless of the method, he will he grad- uated in June. The graduation exer- cises are very ceremonial. The senior wears a cap and gown in order that no one may mistake him for a freshman. He lines up with the other seniors and, in what is called a procession, goes into the chapel in time to music, that is. in his own good-natured time. Sometimes he tries to keep in step, but usually, by the time he is three pews past where his father and mother are seated, he aban- dons his efforts. A distinguished man gives a speech. It is always a distinguished man. be- cause distinguished men always add prestige to an occasion and much pres- tige must always be present as a grad- uation. because it is a momentous even It is a momentous time because, as the distinguished man says, a wide world of opportunity awaits you young men and women with glad open arms. And the seniors, not liking to keep the wide world waiting any longer than neces- sary. wish the speaker would hurry and get through. However, this is the dis- tinguished man’s speech and he stops when he gets good and ready, which takes him quite a while sometimes. After this is over the seniors march up ro the platform one by one. get their diploma, have the tassle on their cap flipped (included in the graduation fee), and go bac k to their seats. They are now graduated. In the afternoon they usually go on swimming dates. This is not a parr of the graduation exercise, but it is a relief from listening about wide worlds and ‘wide open arms which no one believed, least of all the speaker. Freshmen may be a little awed by all this. However, they have been in col lege only a year and still have three years in which to acquire their liberal education.