Rider University - Shadow Yearbook (Lawrenceville, NJ)

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'hir l i Caution: Going To The lnfirmary lVlay Be Hazardous To Your Health by Blaine S. Greenfield Setting: The College Infirmary Time: Any time during the last four years Cast: Student iff Student it 2 Student di3 Student 114 Nurse Doctor ACTI Student iff: Boy, l'm glad I got here early today. lt looks like it will be crowded. Nurse: I think you're right. Why don't you have a seat? The doctor will only be a few minutes late. Student 412: A few minutes late? l've been here for a half hour already: and that's after waiting two hours yes- terday and not even having him show. Student MS: That's nothing unusual! Nurse: Come on, things aren't that bad. Student it3: You're absolutely right: they're even worse than that. ACTH Doctor: So what's a little wait. You mean you don't like our examination room? Student 4421: Not really. It was bad enough in the waiting room, but l'm freezing in here. Doctor: Well, anyway, let me check your reflexes. What symptoms have you experienced? Student if 1: Nausea, fever, etc. Doctor: And where do you feel pain? Student iff: All over. Doctor: That's good. Take two of these pills every four

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hours and come back in two days only if you feel sick. Student 412: My arm hurts something awful. Doctor: Have you had x-rays taken? Student it2: No, Ijust hurt it over in the gym. Doctor: Can you drive? Student it 2: What's driving got to do with it? Doctor: I'd like you to go to the hospital, have your arm X-rayed and then we'II chat. Student 112: But you won't be here when I get back. Doctor: You know, I hadn't even thought about that. Doctor: Yes, I'Il be glad to help you with whatever medi- cal problem you have. Student ii 3: You see Doc, lthink I'm getting pregnant. Doctor: Getting? Student 413: Getting! I've been having intercourse on a pretty regular basis lately and unfortunately haven't been as safe as I should have been. Doctor: I still don't understand. Student 413: It's like this. I can't see my doctor at home Cmy folks would kill melj, and around here, I just don't have the money to afford a visit. Besides I would have no way of getting there . . . unless security would be willing to take me and pick me up? Doctor: No, I don't think that is the solution. But I'm sorry, I can't help you either. lt's just not in my bag to help students screw around. gg: :1: :,: ::: Student 1124: Help, I need somebody. Help, not just any- body. EPILOGUE This drama ends with Student 114 collapsing to the floor and dying. It was late in the night, and as everybody knows, the doctor only has hours from 10-12. Afterward, the nurses can help until the evening, and you're pretty much on your own from that point on! CFADE OUTJ SQ ' .... so - -iitg-1. if? 2 L15 ,, ,,,,, S-frail' gr' N M A ' . ' - I I I 1 in IIE: I 'E 3 YQ 11 ' I 3 It 3 - ll rin- I nl :Q--4 5-- E ggi I Sgr!! u ii IU: '1 - Nui f'-gli :il 'l'-5 ij' ii Zigi K. . Q I-fe l .3-94? ,f 1 , . xl . 11 .1 V . , , , ' .. ., S ,' I ff W.:,:Q.ff ' ' ' ' I I D A ,f .1 i.,, 5L, . .2 .gm ' ' :Q- :T '- . . ,f -I-iff- -r . ' ' rs.,-P' .Li ' ,.,- 131 ' t .5 4 . ,iii N . I 'L' ' i ' i -4 J P f ' x ri? .5 I. li I I , 'Q . J ' 'ff 1,32 'V ,XJ I X i-50 4... :Ji A 121