Richmond Hill High School - Archway / Dome Yearbook (Richmond Hill, NY)

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Economic teachers: By the great Malthusian Law of Population, I've never met 'such a dumb class. Sit up, you block of watered stock. You inflated piece of fiat money, leave the room. You'1l get your papers back when I return them to you. What do you think I am, a Public Utility? Q'- You may be a gold certificate to your mother, but you're just an unendorsed check to me. You flagrant violation of the law of demand and supply! Where did you come from? Foreign Language teachers: The soft heart of Dr. Daetsmlo was not wrenched by the plight of this particular order of educators. These people, pointed out the eminent professor, with characteristic clearness and insight, can retire at will into the protecting arms of the language which they teach, and, by avoiding such terms as Diablo, or Sacre, the meaning of which might possibly be guessed at by the youthful listeners, they can express themselves freely in the foreign tongue without much danger of detectiong a fact which, we suspect, is very well known by the language teachers themselves. Chemistry teachers: Ga1loping filtrates and broken funnels, clean up that mess. Listen, you supersaturated solution of potassium cyanide, do what I tell you. Don't talk to me like that, you insignificant iiask of H203 I'll hit your mercury-filled skull so hard that they won't be able to collect the pieces with a magnet. Say another word, and I'll drown you in concentrated nitric acid! Speech teachers: You are about as cultured and refined as the Brooklyn Accent. You lateral lisp, I'd like to hit your relaxed jaw so hard that it would get entangled with your vocal chords. All the sounds expressible in International Phonetics cannot describe my feelings towards you. Out! thou false chord of my existence! 37 THE SENIOR DOME 1 Pagell

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CONCERNING SWEARING . NORMAND OLMSTEAD, '34 It is a pitiful sight to see teachers vexed to the bursting 'point by the stupidity of their pupils, and yet unable to do more than to grip their desks until their knuckles whiten, and screw their strained faces into sour smiles. An ordinary man in the same circumstances would throw caution to the winds and pour forth into the ears of his torturers such a torrent of vivid language that before he had finished, those addressed would have no doubts as to the extreme lowliness of their general character and ability, and the complete futility of their hopes for spiritual salvation. Not so the teachers, poor things. This method of unburdening one's soul is denied them. They must set an exampleg they have to suppress themselves. This is bad. If one holds oneself in an iron grip too much, something will snap. A chain is as strong as its weakest link. So you can see that if nothing is done to remedy the situation, the state insane asylums will soon become hopelessly overcrowded. A new system of swearing, which is at once inoffensive to the children's finer natures and mayhap a trifle edifying, has therefore been devised by the eminent professor, Dnamron Daetsmlo. These foreigners are very clever. Below are a few of the suggestions made by him. English teachers: By all the rules in the hand-book, why in the name of the President of Yale, don't you listen to what I say? You miserable little misspelled word, why didn't you do your homework? james Smith, you unholy error in construction, take that gum out of your mouth. Take your feet out of the aisles, you dangling participle. If you have a twin, it's a case of unjustifiable repetition. You are as helpful to the progress of the class as an unnecessary comma. , Stop cheating, you double negativeg you disputed statement. Sit down, ink spot! Any brains you ever had have all been ab- breviated long ago. , Trigonometry teachers: By all the thirty-seven goniometric formula, this is the stupid- est class, etc., etc. You inconsequential negative angle! Why don't you show some sines of life. Page10 THE SENIOR DOME

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. ' -I ' Physiography teachers: You talk so much, I thought the northeastern trade winds were loose in the room when I came in. You fat Mollweide projection of a petrified ape, your head is so thick it would stop a meteorite. If you don't behave, you'll think you were hit by a typhoon, a tornado, and a cyclone, in one. Physics teachers: You broken resistance coil, why don't you keep up with the class? You have absolutely no electro-motive force in your whole inert carcass. Why not study at night, you leaky calorimeter? ' I make about as much impression on you as a low watt, 'high frequency, electric arc. American History teachers: You have about as much chance to pass this subject as the second United States Bank had of a new charter when Jackson was re-elected President. You're about as useful around here as the Battle of New Or- leans. You keep your promise as they did the Sussex Pledge. I'd sooner pay off the Public Debt myself than give you a higher mark. You pay about as much attention to class as the Germans did to Wilson's protests against submarines. Get out, you crime of reconstruction. . Those are just a few of the items on the long list of suggestions which the Hon. Mr. Daetsmlo has compiled. Any teacher of a sub- ject not mentioned above may be greatly aided by the suggestions found in Mr. Daetsmlo's little pamphlet on How to Swear and Get Away With It by addressing him at his country home, corner of Forty-second Street and Fifth Avenue, New York City. There is no charge for this service. However, twenty cents must be sent with the order for postage. Ten cents must also be enclosed to pay for the materials Cpaper, ink, etc.J used in the booklet: and a slight donation for the starving children of one-legged Irishmen would be greatly appreciated, and would assure the orderer of a pre- ference in the granting of leaflets, as there is a limited-number of copies to be sold and everyone cannot be satisfied. No orders can be returned to the sender. Page12i A THE SENIOR DOME