Richmond Hill High School - Archway / Dome Yearbook (Richmond Hill, NY)

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CUTWITTED WITS ivlichaelangelo Ahduzza was an exfraordinarily clever person-aT leasT in his own opinion. l-le placed his books, of which he had many, upside clown in The bookcase so ThaT his grandmoTher couldn'T ascerfain whaT he read. All his rela- Tives, excepT The one menTioned above, had died and lefT him a considerable forTune ThaT was The resulT of many years of hard work and Toil. A very forTunaTe occurrence for Ahduzza -very forTunaTe indeed. l-le lived sumpTuously and grandly in an exclusive suburb of New York wiTh no hindrance, maTrimonial or oTherwise, To his carefully laid plans for The building of an exTensive library. Ah, yes, his libraryl The vol- umes were as varied as The bookplaTes ThaT adorned Their covers. On a morning laTe in June, we mighT have discerned Ahduzza adorning his corpulenT and disproporTioned body wiTh The mosT expensive summer cloThes. l-lis profound admiraTion for any- Thing BriTish had resulTed in The employing of BarTon as his valeT, or, as Ahduzza was bound To call him lhe had never Taken Frenchl, his 'varleT'. BarTon was ,inclusTriously cleaning his masTer's black and whiTe sporT shoes, a Task which he would gladly have given To anyone who would have been insane enough To wish iT, when Ahduzza suddenly asked him if-old, Mrs. Ahduzza was aT home. lvlrs. l-l'Ahduzza, sir? No, sir. She wenT h'ouT To 'er bridge club. Bridge club! Ahduzza was annoyed noT only by BarTon's sTaTemenT buT also by his yellow and orange Tie: I ThoughT she wenT There yesTer- day. lv She did, sir, buT-h'l beg your pardon, sir - Barfon had placed The finished shoes on Ahduzza's whiTe knickers, provoking his masTer's wraTh considerably. Go on, you idioT. Well, confidenTially, sir, she Told me ThaT she 'ad losT Two dollars h'and desired To reTrieve Them, wiTh h'inTeresT, This h'afTernoon. May h'l brush you h'oTf, sir? Ahduzza had finished dressing and was exam- ining himself minuTely in The greaT mirror. No. l-laven'T goT Time. When Mrs. Ahduzza reTurns, Tell her l'm ouT wiTh Adolphus Enge. Taking The cane and felT haT from BarTon, he walked ouT of The room and down The wide sfaircase, pausing' only To rearrange The silk handkerchief up his sleeve. l-le sTrode ouT of The house and down The paThway To The sidewalk, Then paused as if he had forgoTTen someThing. and finally reTraced his sTeps. Re-enTering The house, he hurried To The library, and, Taking ouT a volume of PlaTo, he reached his shorT, faT hand behind The books and drew ouT a square shaped boTTle, which he uncorked wiTh a loud 'pop'. Smacking his lips, he Took a long and deep draughT, and Then hurriedly replaced The flask. Walking a liTTle more iaunTily, he hasTened To The railroad sTaTion, The pre-arranged meeT- ing place wiTh his life-long friend and compan- ion, Adolphus Enge. TogeTher They had made many Trips To New York's old book disTricT. IT was one of These Trips ThaT was arranged for This parTicular day. Enge was impaTienTly awaiTing Ahduzza's ar- rival, and had quiTe exhausfed his energy in pounding againsT The sloT machines in The hope ThaT some loose merchandise, or, beTTer yeT, change, would accidenTally Tall from The open- ing. When he sighTed Ahduzza, he rushed over To him exciTedly. Have you goT your soap eraser? was his greeTing. Of course. Ahduzza liT a cork-Tipped Benson and l-ledges. The Train soon came, and boTh men rushed in --To procure a seaT. The ride was unevenTful. They changed aT Penn STaTion To The subway. and alighTed aT Union Square, only To be cha-

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Page 4 THE SENIOR DOME grined by The facT ThaT There were no Com- munisT oraTors To lisTen To. While hasTening down Toward The musTy old shops, They wenT over Their respecTive lisTs. l'd like To find one of Dickens' firsT ediTions, remarked Enge, as he lifTe.d his haT To a female passerby. A Dickens be damned! ThaT 'David Copper- field' you boughT lasT Time was a hoax. Why, ThaT was no firsT ediTion. lT was prinTed in I922! The man Told me-- And you believed him? Anyway, Ahduzza, l did mark The price down Three dollars! They reached The firsT sTore and enTered. The proprieTor was a dark-haired, long-nosed fellow wiTh piercing eyes. Good morning, genTlemen, he greefed Them. l-lave you Talleyrand's 'Memoirs'? Ahduzza bursT forTh, engaging They shopkeeper while Enge slipped To The back of The sTore. l'm afraid noT. We have some specials over on These shelves, Though. l-le escorTed Ahduzza To The oTher side of The sTore. l-lere's one of my greaTesT bargains-a copy of Emil Ludwig's 'Napoleon' auTographed by The Emperor him- self! Ahduzza, glancing nervously aT Enge, heard only 'Napoleon'. lncredibIe! he remarked. l-lere you are, misTer. See for yourself. WhaT is The price? l:ifTy dollars. Too much. I'll make iT forTy-Tive! llNO.lv l'll make a real special price. You can have iT for ThirTy-five dollars. You're sure iT's Napoleon's signaTure? PosiTive! All righT, l'll Take iT. l-lere you are, Ahduz- za said, as he counTed ouT The money and gave iT To The eager proprieTor. Meanwhile, Enge had been busy erasing The prices in The back of a few books ThaT he es- pecially desired and supplying Them wiTh his own. l'll Take These. Enge deposifed The books on The desk and paid The sum ThaT The hawk- eyed man compuTed afTer he had added The prices he found. The Two men- Turned To go, buT were arresTed aT The enfrance by The following sTaTemenT: GenTlemen, a minuTe, please. l forgof To show you my greaTesT special, The Waferbury ediTion of Isaac D'lsraeli's 'CuriosiTies of LiTeraTure'. lT's The only one in exisfence. Only five Thousand dollars! When They heard The price, Ahduzza and Enge hurried on To The nexT sTore. AfTer They had examined The wares for a while, Ahduzza spoke. Oh, The dickens! Where's a Dickens, Ahduzza? l merely remarked 'The dickens'. WhaT's The Dickens? This book. ThaT isn'T any Dickens! lT's wriTTen by l-l. G. Wells. Are you blind? Of course iT's wriTTen by l-l. G. Wells- ThaT's why l exclaimed 'The dickens'. I'm Tired of seeing books by him.' ' Oh, Enge was abashed. On Their way ouT, They were halTed by The elderly propriefor. OenTlemen, l possess The only one of The original Twelve of The Waferbury ediTion of D'ls- raeli's 'CuriosiTies of LiTeraTure' in exisfence. l'm a biT pressed laTely, so l'll leave iT go for five Thou- BuT he was only Talking To Thin air. Curious abouT The Waferbury ediTion, eh, Enge? lT cerTainly is. Wonder who has The original? l've a copy home, buT iT's noT The WaTer- bury. ln The nexT sTore, iT was Enge's Turn To engage The owner while Ahduzza wenT back To The rear of The sTore. l-laving no oTher quesTion handy, Enge asked: l-lave you The WaTerbury ediTion of D'lsraeli's 'CuriosiTies'?