Richmond Hill High School - Archway / Dome Yearbook (Richmond Hill, NY)

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.Q 3 O mmerclal Co

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The Truth, The Whole Truth, and...? On The morning OT March TweITTh as The blis- Tering summer sun poured in Through The win- dow oT The execuTive oTTices oT True Fibs Mag- azine ,a bizarre appariTion wiTh a Paderewski haircuT and an inane expressron poured in Through The door. The youTh, Tor iT was a youTh, glared Tran- Tically abouT unTiI he spied a busy individual wiTh a broom. Mr. EdiTor, he gushed, I have here a sTory which . . . Ah ain'T no ediTor, boss, inTerrupTed The negro proudly, Ah's de ianiTorI' Oh, I'm Terribly sorry, sTammered The youTh as his Tace goT Two shades redder Than WaITer Winchell's, BuT where is The ediTor? Ovah dere. Seeing The movemenT oT a head behind an immense sTack oT papers The inTruder bois- Terously approached The place unTiI he could re- gard The smiling ediTor. I-le Then calmly shoved piles oT manuscripTs To The Tloor and placed his own under The man's nose. I have a sTory which . . . Take iT To Miss Schnopslu roared The jovial oTFiciaI aImosT as loudly as a movie managing ediTor, I have no Time To wasTe on The drivel OT beginners. Oh yeah? counTered The youTh subTIy as he began To search Tor The aToremenTioned Miss Schnops. ATTer whaT seemed monThs oT rambling Trom corridor To corridor he discover-ed a door bear- ing The Tollowing legend: Belvedere N. Schnops No AdmiTance Walk in I-Ie enTered and conTronTecl a severe-Iook- ing young woman seaTed behind a desk. WeII? she inquired. I-l- he murmured awkwardly. ReaIIy? IT anyone buT you had Told me, I wouIdn'T have believed Them. Come, come, young man, unburden yourself. WeII, iT's This way, Schnoppy . . . I have here a sTory . . . I-Ie paused, prepared Tor The cusTomary inTerrupTion aT This poinT. . . . which you are going To buy, buT I wanT some- one To hear iT TirsT so ThaT There can be no reTracTions. M Young man, do noT wasTe my Time: iT's price- less. This magazine buys only masTerpieces,,so iT you haven'T someThing oT unusual meriT, do noT annoy me. I assure you ThaT you'II be way ahead if you hear my TaIe. A punsTer, eh? GeT ouT1 No, Miss Schnopsl I have here a chronicle oT human evenTs, a sTory so rnasTerTuI and over- powering ThaT I know I'm a genius. Please IeT me go on. The woman seTTIed back in her chair wiTh a gesTure oT resignaTion and waved her hand in consenT. My sTory is vasTIy diTTerenT Trom mosT, you know. IT opens in London, buT iT isn'T a dark, Toggy nighT on which anyThing mighT happen, and a IighT is noT dimly discerned in Trafalgar Square. Our hero, ConsTanTine Berry, is noT a young college spendThriTT, nor is he a gangsTer Trom The greaT middle class. I-le is merely an obscure and sTruggIing manuTacTurer oT purple gingham Thumb Tacks Tor leTT handed muTes. I-le hails Trom Idaho, DeTroiT, The birThpIace oT The heroine, Mary Samel. This lady is The daughTer oT MusTapha Samel, The noTed amaTeur back- gammon pro, and has neiTher raven Tresses nor ruby lips, aIThough To give her her due, she is Tair and square lTair hair, square headl. On The nighT our masTerpiece opens, Con Berry and Mary Samel were ceIebraTing Their TirsT anniversary wiTh several Thousand choice Triends and a Tew Tall glasses oT Burgundy grape Iurce.

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THE SENIOR DOME Page I3 AnoTher person, however, was noT celebraT- ing . . . The villain oT The ploT, Omar Sleep, who was Mary's reiecTed suiTor solely because he did noT suiTor. Sleep had sworn To wreak vengeance on The love birds and alThough he had already poisoned The wedding-cake, chop- ped oTT Con's Thumb wiTh a cleaver, and slain Mary's Two-Third aunT, he desired more revenge. Accordingly, aTTer cudgeling his halT brain Tor a number oT weeks, he had hiT upon The plan oT exiling Con's lndian grandTaTher To his mud-TurTle kennels in ScoTland. ln The meanTime, There was greaT happiness in The home oT ConsTanTine. l-le had re-named The lndian Francisco and The old man had proved quiTe valuable and inTelligenT. l-le was only nineTy years old buT could already Trans- laTe SanskriT, Tind misTakes in Euclid, and con- sTrucT a B baTTery ouT oT Tishbones: however, he had one serious drawback. He had made no 'cuTe sayings' and caused no embarrassing mo- menTs', Thereby depriving Con and Mary oT Two dollars neT Trom The Tabloid dailies. DespiTe This, They sTill managed To love him and liTTle suspecTed Omar's Toul plans. The nighT which Omar had selecTed Tor The enacTmenT oT his deed Tinally came, as mosT nighTs do, and he, accompanied by Three vi- cious underlings, crepT To The house oT Con- sTanTine in The cenTer oT London and Torced an enTrance. They had liTTle diTTiculTy Tinding Francisco as he was sleeping downsTairs while repairs were being made under The radiaTor where he usually resTed To remind him oT his naTive climaTe. Francisco, however, was noT asleep, buT siTTing up in bed smoking Con's besT buTTs. Swear words, Tizzed Omar Through TighT lips, l wanTed Them weeds myselT. l-lereupon he began To Tear ouT his hair. Francisco smiled angelically and said: 'Be nonchalanT, old chap, smoke a herring.' Omar, Tearing ThaT his words had been heard by ConsTanTine, The Elder Berry, ordered a hasTy reTreaT. The Tollowing morning when Con came down The lndian, in sign language, Told him whaT had happened, and Con suggesTed ThaT he sleep in Their room in case OT repeaTed aTTack. Omar Sleep, alThough The villain, and There- Tore aT The auThor's mercy, had 'bulldog quali- Ties' and had resolved To geT even. ThereTore, under cover oT moonlighT and a slouch haT, he and Three OT his vile companions again soughT The liTTle green house. The TerriTic quarTeTTe Tound no Trouble in geTTing in, and being ex- perienced made no noise, save Tor The knocking over OT The radio loudspeaker and Two Tloor lamps. One OT Omar's broThers in DevilTry, when The leader's back was Turned, slipped a parlor suiTe and a Tolding bed inTo his pockeT, which illusTraTes The TruTh oT The old proverb: 'Thar ain'T no honor beTween crooks.' Omar Then led The Trio up The carpeTed sTair and aTTer each had Tripped, They arrived saTely aT The bedroom. The Tour desperadoes Then crepT inTo The room and observed The peaceTully-sleeping Mrs. Berry and The resTless ConsTanTine. Omar decided To acT quickly, so wiTh abouT TorTy-six deTT movemenTs he reached The bedside oT The snoring lndian, grabbed him by The TeeT, and was abouT To be oTT when Francisco awoke and began To yodel a Navaio war song. Sleep, wiTh characTerisTic presence oT mind, snaTched an apple ThaT was growing on The cloThes-Tree and sTuTTed iT inTo The ln- dian's mouTh. ConsTanTine, disTurbed by The noise, opened his Three big brown eyes and gazed abouT The room. l-le saw Omar and The sTruggling capTive and was speedily rising To score a knockouT on The demon, buT . . . alas and a laddie . . . he had Taken some oT Dr. Seevle's lnsTanT-AcTion Sleep- TableTs aT The opening oT The Spanish-American War, and as This was The beginning oT l932, They were sTarTing To acT, and he Tell back powerless! Omar seized This opporTuniTy To have his underlings bind and gag Mary and carry The limp Torm oT her husband downsTairs and inTo a car which was waiTing. They sped silenTly Through The ciTy as The moTor roared deaTeningly, buT iT was noT suT-