Richmond Hill High School - Archway / Dome Yearbook (Richmond Hill, NY)

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THE DOME Page 11 berries with stewed ketchup and prunes. Strang- est of all the creatures we saw was the bzu-bzu fpronounced Hbzu-bzu as in mustardj. Unlike the Babylonian bzu-bzu, to which it is related only by marriage, the African bzu-bzu never wears rubber boots and hates chop suey. It spends a large part of its time practicing the oboe and enjoys a good gameiof solitaire with anyone. Its main constituents are grape-nuts, whole wheat bread fendorsed by Alfred W. IVIC- Cannj, and insurance agents. The bzu-bzu is particularly noted for its ability to whistle Gershwin7s 'alfihapsody in Bluei' in the key of 'GDN with an ash barrel balanced on each el- bow and frequently walks upside down in or- der to avoid getting blisters on its feet. In its wild state the bzu-bzu is very uncouth and eats its soups with a knife, but the domesticated bzu-bzu can be taught to be very helpful. I have known them to wash dishes, read the funny sheet out loud to the old folks, and peel sausages for supper. One evening we came to a native village where we were accorded a reception the like of which Grover Whalen would have considered it a pleasure to wear a pair of spats tog as a mat- ter of fact I still am reminded of it every time I sit down. You have no idea how sharp those spears can beg if you get the point. Their hos- tility soon changed to friendship when I stepped within the circle of natives that surrounded us and showed the chief my nice shiny button which indicated my membership in the Iodent Big Brother Club, To show his approval the chief presented me with a beautifully engraved napkin holder upon which were emboldened the words: '4'I'o Professor I-Iossenpheifer with love. CROSS COUNTRY

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page 10 THE DOME AFRICA - SQUEAKS N ALL my seventy odd years of exploring unknown tracts, our expedition to Africa was the most intriguing, for the first thing that was necessary for us to do was to find out where the confounded place was located. While con- sulting a map of Switzerland my chief aide sug- gested that Africa might be somewheres around Yonkers but the rest of us knew better, for Af- ricans are reputed to be semi-civilized and no one could live about the vicinity of Yonkers and still be anywheres near civilized. Conse- quently we looked farther west on the map but were still unsuccessful in our search, altho we did come across such places as Nacegdoches in Texas, Okmulgee in Oklahoma, and Kalamazoo in Michigan, not to mention my Uncle Obathes- thia in a gingham kimono with suspenders to match. Failing to find either the Worlcl Al- manac or the Oswego Telephone Directory help- ful we were just about to cancel our expedi- tion for a game of pinochle when we hit upon the happy plan of consulting the Fall and Will- ter number of Sears, Roebuck's Catalogue. Here our efforts were rewarded when we looked on page 6,853 and there was Africa located be- tween the Red Sea and a pair of ladiesi em- broidered ear muffs which were marked down from three dollars and twenty-nine cents. Please place your orders early and don't forget to send your name and address as well as the number of last yearis hose license printed plainly on the reverse side of a salted herring. If herrings aren't in season a few old phonograph needles will serve the same purpose. Two years later found us on the African coast, each and every one of us crazy to con- tinue the journeyg in fact, we were crazy to start it in the first place. Here we were delay- ed for some time, which we spent putting our truck together. In order to avoid the expense which storage on the boat would have incurred, every members of the expedition had carried a part of the truck in his suitcase. Our delay was slightly lengthened due to the fact that our suitcases did not permit ample facilities for transportation of the entire vehicle and so we were forced to wait a few more days for the rest of the motor and the chassis to arrive by tele- graph. Assembling the truck was not an easy task, altho my past years of experience as a peanut vender had provided me with considerable knowledge of machinery and came in quite han- dy at times. Eventually we succeeded in getting the truck together and you may imagine our ela- tion in discovering that we still had enough parts left over for at least three more trucks which we immediately proceded to construct. At last we were ready for our journey into the jungle-the mysterious, unfathomable depths of the primitive jungle where men are men and people are not told to see their dentists at least twice a year. Travel here was difficult, for we encountered impenetrable spinach growths and cranberry bogs which were so thick in parts that we who had artihcial teeth were obliged to remove both sets and by manipulating them with our hands attacked the plants from the roots, thus practically neatingi' our way thru the jungle. 7 As we pushed on fand we were afforded plen- ty of opportunity for so doing, particularly when the truck approached the marsh landsj we met and photographed countless species of ani- mal life such as buffalo, zebras, tigers, apos- trophes, polar bears, night club hostesses, straw-

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Page I2 THE DOME Chief Mulagaloobo of the Mattress Growers PS. Having a fine time and wish you were here. Naturally I take much pride in this, and to this day it holds a conspicuous place over the ice box where it is suspended from the ceiling. In reply to my interrogation concerning the term mattress growers included in the in- scription, the chief explained that his tribe ,supplied the civilized world with the best mat- tress material obtainable. This accounted for the whiskers which each male member of the tribe wore. After they had attained extreme length, which frequently exceeded fifteen yards, they were 'sold to exporters and then trans- ported to distant ports where they were made into mattress or sometimes wireless cable when over-production set in. The fact that the language of these natives consisted of but one word made it easy for us to converse with them and one can not help realizing how practical such a system of speech would be to other peoples who are annoyed with the use of two negatives, comma faults, parallel structure, gender, umbrellas, and cot- ton flannel shoe laces. Our stay with these natives was a most en- joyable one. Every night after supper we played parchesi, toasted marshrnallows or took turns in providing some sort of entertainment. Because of my reputation as a vocalist the boys tried to induce me to sing, but I was obliged to decline because I am never at my best unless I am in a bath tub on Saturday night, and of course bath tubs in Africa are no more known than in some parts of Ozone Park. Still later we all gathered around the campfire and sang Community Hymns while I accompanied on the Ocarina. Aside from the fireworks on the Coney Is- land boardwalk at night, there is no more en- joyable thing than African moonshine, er- that is, an African moonrise. No there is nothing more beautiful than an African moon- rise. One night I had nothing to do and so I climbed up the roof of our tent and began counting the bricks in the chimney. I was up to number five thousand four hundred and twenty-six and a fraction, when the beautiful scene of the moon rising over the pig sty in the rear of the chief's thatched abode struck a responding poetical vein within me, the re- sult of which I insert here. ODE ON AN AFRICAN SUNSET, or Betty Nuthall at Valley Forge with the Sal- vation Army. Part I You may talk o' gin and beer And you may talk o' gin and beer, But you may talk o' gin and beer, And you may talk 0' gin and beer! I-IURRAH! HURRAI-I! Part II You may talk 0' gin and beer And you may ride a bicycle. But who'll have some more codfish cakes? My Grandfather owns a delicatessen store. HURRAHI HURRAH! CRepeat chorus with base iiddles and tubas playing the first movement in G flat.j -H. Hannibal fliiplingj I-Iossenpheffer The following morning we informed the chief that we must be off, to which he replied that it was nothing new to him, he knew it all along. And so We took their leave, as well as the chief's best pair of goloshes and the kitchen stove. . Our return to the coast by dog team was uneventful and we were soon ready to return home where I was promised my old job back again as janitor in the First National Bank. As we stood on the edge of the beach I daresay that every one of us regretted that the long trail was at an end and as we stood there sadly thinking of our departure from Africa I was suddenly seized with a terrible sensation. We had been away from home for two years and I had forgotten to tell the milk- man to stop delivery! Fred Mohr