Quincy High School - Goldenrod Yearbook (Quincy, MA)

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QUINCY HIGH SCHOOL LIBRARY QUINCY, MASS. February 1931—Class Will Roland Cooper, F.’31. E IT REMEMBERED that we, the February, 1931, Class of the Senior High School of Quincy, in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, being of sound mind and memory, but knowing the uncertainty of this life, do make this our last will and testament, hereby revoking all former wills by us at any time heretofore made. After the payment of our just debts and funeia! charges, we bequeath and devise as follows: To Mr. Knapton, two feet of additional growth so that he need not further be designated as “Hey You!” by traffic offi- cers who think that he is just another stu- dent. To Miss Rizzi, a pair of high-geared roller skates, to do away with that funeral pace so painfully associated for us with a journey to the inner shrine, colloquially known as the “Lion’s Den,” Mr. Collins’ office. To Mr. Wilson, one of these here new multiple pens, capable of signing eight late slips at one time; also his pick of any two of the girls who help Miss Coulman, to be used as professional bloodhounds for tracking down period-skippers, deten- tion-slippers, and people guilty of other heinous crimes. To Mr. LeCain, our honored and re- spected physical culture expert, three low senior classes, which all together will at- tempt to take the place of the graduating sixth period Monday division, which con- tained such celebrities as Don MacMul- kin, A1 Monroe, Walter Maibach, and Jimmy Muir. To Mr. Collins an electrical sound at- tachment which automatically, as the office door is opened, will boom in an un- forgetable bass, “Well, Sonny, what’s the trouble now?” thus putting each pupil at his ease immediately. To Miss Crockett, a trust fund for a perpetual supply of big, rosy apples upon which she may nibble during the day, on provision that she take one apple at a time. To Mr. Thomas, a jar of very sticky glue in good working order so that the next pupil who places his mouth over a jet to blow out the gas lines may receive a mild surprise and spend five or ten min- utes imagining his own embarrassment. To Mr. Bridges, a real dummy, differ- ing slightly from the variety which he usually teaches, upon which he may vent his anger, pleasure, and grief, which emo- tions he so splendidly portrays. To Mr. Albro, a pair of smoked glasses to deflect the dazzling beams from bright- eyed senior co-eds who still have hope. To Mr. Cutler, a slow-motion picture of that famous gesture of his, accom- panied by appropriate facial contortions, as he gently wafts a pupil to his seat. To Miss Howe, the addresses of four of the chorus of the Follies Bergeres, to stimulate in classes a little interest in French correspondence. Also an inter- view with David Belasco in order that he may place a histrionic value on that hope- less shrug of her shoulders as she says, “Well, it just goes to show you what not paying attention will do. We just had this not three months ago, and you don’t remember it now.” To Miss Thompson, eighteen votes in a popularity contest to elect a speed vigil- ante for Podunk Center, and a baby Austin to patrol the corridors. To Miss Dawes, the suggestion that each pupil receive a reduction of one point from outside reading credits for each week that his request has been sent in in advance of the date when the work is due. Thus, by merely declaring his good intentions five weeks ahead of time, [29]

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What Would Happen If? Eugene was Battie instead of Nattie? Phyllis was a Cap instead of a Derby? William was a Butcher instead of a Baker? A1 Monroe was a woman hater? Dorothy was a Walker instead of an Ambler? John was a Ford instead of a Franklin? Mary Morley became a flirt? Doris was Dizzy instead of Rizzi? Sydney was a Wolf instead of a Fox? Don MacMulkin became bashful? Lois became a Greenham instead of a Pinkham. Pearl was a Ruby instead of a Diamond? Frank was Old instead of Young? Bob Ballard lost his smile? Edna was Fatter instead of Skinner; Evelyn was an Iceberg instead of a Kuhl- berg ? Harold Slate had nothing to do? Norman was a Singer instead of a Barker? Maybelle was a waitress instead of a Cook ? Roland Cooper didn’t have a snappy comeback? Helen was Brazen instead of Coy? Burt was a Coalman instead of a Whit- man? Albert Lints grew up? Hazel was a Seamstress insetad of a T aylor ? Jerry was an Old-Maid instead of a Batchelder? Walter was a Your-back instead of a Miabach ? Mr. G. Stuart Donnan became a ladies’ man? Muriel was a Box instead of a Cox? Thelma was a Dumpcan instead of a Duncan? Fred was a John instead of a George? Ruby Dakers lost her rouge and lipstick? Helen was a Goose instead of a Drake? Rebecca was a Badgirl instead of a Good- man? “Swede” Sundstrom wasn’t with “Dippy” Nattie? Janet was a Milky-way instead of a Hemingway? Dorothy was a Tunney instead of a Sharkey? Eddie Williams didn’t do his homework? Hazel was a Metropolitan instead of a Keith? Helen was Finland instead of Poland? Bill Jensen broke his leg during the soccer season ? Catherine was a Patrick’s son instead of an Erickson? Harold was a Blackboard instead of a Slate? Mirriam Morrison didn’t blush? Betty Hughes and Marguerite Haake flunked? Fred was a Bigman instead of a Small- man? Robert was a Play instead of a Ballard? Francis George wasn’t carefree? Walter Bassett should graduate? Kathleen Ilofferty developed a grouch? Marcella McDonald, F.’31. Muriel Cox, F.’31. We’ll Have One of Those Mr. Knapton: “A confirmed Atheist is a person who refuses to believe in God.” H. Slate (Shame Harold): “One of my best friends is one.” Mr. Knapton: “One what?” H. Slate: “What you just said, an infirm Ethiopian.” World’s Most Pitiful Case A bull with red eyes. [28]

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CLASS WILL he will be made exempt from that most unforgivable of assignments. To the Warrens Sundstrom and Sillen, Eddie Williams, and Eugene Nattie, those diligent pursuers of a technical education, a contract for four bridges of the kind which are crossed before being come to. To the statue of the Discus Thrower in the auditorium a good old Roman toga knitted and tatted by no less worthy hands than those of Evelyn Findlay and Ruby Dakers, in order that he may be warm and comfortable standing there in his corner. To the Pony, twenty venerable rocking chairs in which heartworn, impatient lovers may await their other halves with comparative comfort. (We also hereby order Mr. Wilson to leave the pennies which he collects from the Indian’s palms in a strong box to be delivered at the end of each month to the Salvation Army Headquarters on Granite Street.) To the cafeteria, five years’ accrued dividends on Harold Slate’s holdings of American Tobacco Pfd., on condition that the cafeteria reduce the price of ice-cream from six to five cents. Coming as it does in a time of so-called business depression, we believe this to be one of the most promising bits of economic encouragment yet encountered in the year 1931. To the trustees of the school, a sum of money (we do not care to make the amount public) sufficient to convert the auditorium into a miniature golf links to be open only during the three daily lunch periods. This device will greatly aid in relieving congestion in the cafeteria, or the undersigned hereby lose their guess. To the members of the New Traffic Squad, an address by James H. (Two Gun) Baker on the worth and high es- teem of a traffic officer, to give them some needed savior faire and nonchalance in place of the sheepish grins and scared expressions which now occupy their childish faces. To the Big Sister Club, a signed order to Santy requesting a bouncing baby brother organization to be known as “The Big Sisters’ Little Brothers’ Club.” To the Football team that beats Brock- ton, a complimentary ten cent ticket to the Merchant Theatre for each and every member of the team. In testimony whereof we hereunto set our hands and in the presence of three witnesses declare this to be our last will this fifth day of January in the year one thousand nine hundred and thirty-one. The Class of February, 1931. On this fourteenth day of January, A.D., 1931, the class of February, 1931, of Quincy, Massachusetts, signed the fore- going instrument in our presence, declar- ing it to be their last will: and thereafter as witnesses thereof we three, at their request, in their presence, and in the pres- ence of each other, hereto subscribe our names. Will Rogers. Marie Dressier. Oliver B. Garrett. AN ABSENT MINDED PROFESSOR 1) Bought a new car because he forgot where he parked his old one. 2) Fell overboard and forgot he could swim. 3) Held an egg in his hand and boiled his watch. Geometry Prof: “John, prove that the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides.” John: “Let’s not waste time, profes- sor; let’s admit it.” Teacher: “John, tell me about the Mongolian race.” John: “I wasn’t there; I went to the ball game instead.” English teacher: “Name the different ages.” Stude: “Stone Age, Bronze Age,—er—” Glib Stude: “Old Age.”