Princeton University - Nassau Herald Yearbook (Princeton, NJ)

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The Nassau H erald White has offered to answer any complaints through the in- tricate machinery of the Prince. However, if this artful genius can not give satisfaction come around to me and I will endeavor to pacify you by whispering a story on Tom Welch to you, behind closed doors. 18

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Waslzingt01'1i's B ivfthday Ovation ing the fact that he had missed his breakfast. Nose blue, ears red, goloshes unbuckled, he got there 'just in time to have St. Peter slam the door in his face. I'm going to tell you what he said, not what you expect. I-Ie sat down, looked wistfully around and growled Petered Out! One of Washington's most likeable gifts was his power of ready' retort. You probably heard of his dog Talleyrand? Well, one day he entered the executive office and discovered the dog had eaten up a constitutional amendment which he had carelessly left on his desk. Oh , he exclaimed, Talley- rand knew it was doggerel! Frank Brewer was the victim of a ready retort from his janitress. Iust before Christmas a spray of mistletoe fell into his hands and he hung it on the chandelier above the table in his room. The next morning Eva Tanguay Booth, his janitress, tapped on the door. Come in , said Brew. Good morning sir' she said. You've been sweeping dirt under that table all year, wish you'd clean it up. Oh, I'm always willing to clean your room up but, Mr. Brewer, you'll have to take down that mistletoe. Now just before dinner. First in war, first in a fight, and iirst in the hearts of his countrymen. Let us turn from the blaze of judge jones' present glory to the time before his genius caused the universe to pause in stupefaction. You can see the half amused smile with which he regards anyone who attempts to kid him. Well as this hero of our Race Riots was walking the streets of New York one day, making friends, a weazened and tattered little woman in front of him dropped her pocket book. Judge gallantly picked it up when she turned, grabbed it and screamed I caught you that time, you little villain. I think I have done pretty well by the father of our country even if I have shown that he is not entirely alone in his class, but I must confess that although George's truthful spirit presided at the forging of this Anvil Chorus jules Verne's and Baron lVIunchausen's were also present. Now if any of my friends want to see me, I regret to an- nounce that I'm leaving town for a considerable period but Ned 17

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Class of 1876 Memorial Prize Debate WINNING SPEECH ' BY JESSE HERRMAN N IQIO QUESTION: Resolved, That it would be expedient for the Federal Government to impose an income tax. i CNegative side upheldj. The gentlemen on the affirmative demand the introduction of a new method of taxation on the ground of expediency. Any new system of taxation to be expedient must be tested CID by Canon of practice, and Czj by the Canon of justice. These twotests must be rigorously enforced except in case of extreme emergency. In opposing the position of my opponents I shall demonstrate two propositions that an income tax should not be imposed Q15 because it is impracticable and C21 because it is unjust. That the income tax is impracticable is proven QU by the experience of the several States. The history of the income tax among the several states is a story of failure and dis- appointment. Since 1840, sixteen States have faithfully tried this method of taxation. They have had a percentage tax and a progressive taxg they have had collection by the Local government, and collection by State officialsg they have tried self assessment, and they have tried stoppage at the source. What is the result? Thirteen out of the sixteen States have entirely abolished the income tax. Forty tax commissions have thoroughly investigated our system of taxation. Only one out of forty has reported favorably on the income tax. Massachusetts, which has had an income tax the longest, has recently taken steps to abolish it. The substance of the adverse reports is this: CID although 19