Princeton University - Nassau Herald Yearbook (Princeton, NJ)

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zo THE NASSAU HERALD. There's an Ananias for your money, a real polished eighteen karat, gilt-edged, up-to-date bender of the truth. It's no trouble to show goods, and here's one of Wil1ie's maiden efforts, for the night was young when it was told. 'K Fellows, a strange thing happened to me while I was duck shooting on the Great Salt Lake, in ,Utah. The morning was stormy so I took a can of oil to keep down the waves. The oil worked like a charm until the sneak- box sprung a leak. I was half a mile from shore. Deep water was under me. All seemed lost. HA sudden thought cam.e to me. I emptied the can, placed it to my lips, and sank to the bottom as the boat went down. Feeling some- what tired after my exertions, I sat down upon a rock to rest. Then, taking a long deep breath from the can, I walked to the shore. The air tasted a little oily, but I could not complain, as that air saved my life. Willie, the Lord loves a cheerful liar. Maybe Washington did not lie, but I'll bet three sus- pender buttons and one of Padgett's brass knuckles against Mother Bedford's propensity for boot licking that 'he smoked, and it was cigarettes at that. Speaking of smoking, I am reminded of Hick Smythls first trip to Trenton. After looking over the I' Cotel' House, Hick took a cyar N down town to see the elephant. He soon hankered after a smoke, and, pushing open the doo ofa segar stoo H, 'fbotel' a cigar. Here I-Iick's trouble began. That cigar refused to smoke. A mustard plaster could not have drawn harder than Hick, but the cigar was obstinate. His southern mad got up and he rushed wildly back into the store, only to meet the re- mark : 4' Bite the end off, sonny. Hick took the kind advice, and then discovered an alcohol lamp on the show- case. . l Leaning over the flame, Hick started his bellows working for all they were worth, but the only thing he succeeded in

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WAsHrNGToN's BIRTHDAY ORATION. I9 tragically exclaim, 'K Paraskovopolis has beaten Greece, but I have conquered the worldf' I Such modesty, and in a man so great. U I did it with my little l1atchet, cried George 'Washing- ton, but Pigeon Wreiin said, with my good right arm I smote them, hip and thigh. just as the noble knights of the Crusaders scattered death and destruction around the walls of jerusalem, thus did I hurl the town muckers to the four winds of heaven. Then peacefully imprinting the Sesquicentennial kiss upon the rescued maiden's brow, I gallantly ushered her down johnts alley. Therels 'fPoke Evans, the man of iron nerve, who dares to call a ten cent bet on aces full of queens, and grace- fully informs the Mills Meeting Committee if they want to hold a prayer meeting in his room, he does not give a damn. H Poke Evans and good old solid English are inseparable, and so is Sankey and that 'Varsity P. How about that? Please show it to the ladies, Sank. Oh, I see you are all dressed up to-day. It's too bad, Sank, that you cannot wear it, you would feel so proud! They do say, Sank, that you wear 'varsity monograms on your dress suit, and even dye that mustache a delicate orange hue. It was a proud moment for Lord Dunraven Ira Allen Sankey when he first donned that ,varsity sweater and stood before the assembled multitude Hthe observed of all observers. Prouder was the moment when Fred Smithwon his first 'varsity cap. The-first chance Fred got he wore it home to astonish the nativesfand advertise the fact that he was a Princeton man. But H pride goeth before a fall,l' and Fred tumbled in the jersey City station, when a 'chollie' boy addressed him brusquely, U Porter! Porter! come lift me blawsted luggage into me bloomin' cartf' Loyalty is a very good disease, but there's danger in the remedy. Willie Wilson never takes any medicine for his trouble, for lying is chronic in Williels case.

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WASHINGTON7S BIRTHDAY ORATION. 21 lighting was his hair. The proprietor, seeing Hick was U new, lifted an alcohol stick from the side of the lamp, dipped it in the flame, and gave I-Iick a light. I-Iick's eyes bulged dnt with surprise as he murmured in his Charleston accent: HThere ain't no telling what people will git up nextfl Smyth may have been a farmer, but so is Pip Wheeler. And, in the immortal words of Red Gulick, the mos' cosim'pol'tan man in the clash. They are not the only Galaruca Xanthomelaeisus on the Princeton elm trees. A green goods man would find a field rivalling the Hoop- pole County Fair at Hemlock Hollow if he should find Perkins, Babcock, Mills, and that assemblage of paper sports. ' Roys is somewhat of an American Agriculturist, too. In Freshman year he started for New York to take some girls to the football game, but left his tickets at home. Roys discovered the fact at New Brunswick and telegraphed to a friend in Princeton to send them up to New York in time for the game, but failed to mention an address. Roys, did you think New York was as small a place as Lyons? A Wasliington visited Princeton once upon a time but only left a cannon for Dicky Dwight to make speeches to. CLuckily, Itchy Wood, he with the Shylock palm, had not yet appeared on these V classic walks, or George would have left even his wig behindj. Alas, the days of Hungry Golden are numbered, for there's another Richmond in the field, and now ,tis VVoody that greets the Freshmen with a bland smile and charges them fifty cents for his company as far as the Nassau Hotel. Even then there is no escape, for Itchy sells everything from a milk bottle to luxurious apartments in Edwards Hall. Fellows, I want to warn you 3 Itchy has discovered a new source of revenue, and intends charging admission to Dr. Patton's lectures on U Evidences of Christianityf'