Princeton University - Nassau Herald Yearbook (Princeton, NJ)

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28 THE NASSAU HERALD. tial in the line of her escort's bottle, with whom he had taken pains to strike up an acquaintance before the game began. Was. that kind, ,Billy ? lVas it rnanly, was it thoughtful? Over to the left along with the team sat those two tons of soil, I mean sons of toil, Beef VVheeler and Gus Holly-Gus for a wonder was perfectly quiet, doubtless because it was in foot-ball season and there were no doors to be broken in, while just beyond sat Dougal7' 'Ward thoughtfully expanding his chest by the Bi- nomial theorem to Xu, and Frank Morse, his artist's soul beam- ing in his eyes. Frank only lives for Art. So far he has elected Art. 4 for three years and on the remaining ,days of the week, when not locked up in the Tiger ofiice cribbing a few jokes from St. Nicholas, Ybutlzs' Companion and the Lit., he runs up to New York to pose as C. D. Gibson's society woman. But hark! far, far up the stretch extending in front of the grand stand come, in dulcet tones, the mysterious words '54, I am coming, phew! while a iigure in the distance could be seen approaching, sur- mounted by a halo of exquisite brilliancy which ever and anon disappeared only to reappear with added lustre. The mysteri- ous apparition drew nigher and nigher bearing in the impressi- ble an intricate mosaic winding in and out in sinuous curves, but it was not until the grand stand was reached that f'Perk. Cfor it was hej disclosed his identity by calling out: Well, here I am, large and square, Pride of Princetonj' and Son of Old Nassauf' and 4' I want a program. I want a programf' Billy Neill consciously dropped the hand he'd been holding and looked to see where Perkf' got that halo, as he had a cigarette he wanted a light, but on application of the field glass it turned out to be that Yellow Aster,'l Phil. Walker, who was following in Perks' wake with his hat off. The schoolboyls own poet, Henry Buck-the-Tiger Master, has rendered the episode immor- tal by taking it as the scene of one of his poems. I will merely quote the verse regarding the halo: . I U It dazzled the Full Back, ' U Just starting to punt, H For it shone like a headlight - U With Perkins in front. Phil donlt like the expression Yellow Aster, but much prefers the appellation- sunfish, in fact he even went so far, to clinch the

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WASHINGTONES BIRTHDAY ORATION, 27 be according to the logical relations of the forms of the under- standing or general notions nam ed Categories. Applying Skinny Seymouris patent Whig Hall method of debate adapted by him- self for the class-room, with the accuracy with which Bert Lukens discovered that by his class photos his head would be just twelve inches long while the breadth of his shoulders was but eight inches, and getting Charlie Candee to reduce it to its lowest terms, as he does every other topic of conversation he enters, translated it reads: Never imagine yourself to be otherwise than what you might appear to others. It what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what it should have been, it would appear to them to have been otherwise. And you will agree with me that surely this must be so. This is the same method by which Freddy Pool in a recent dissertation proved that the fIncome Tax was a necessary adjunct to the carpet cleaning business' For the in-come tacks never come -out till the carpet is cleaned? Now, inasmuch as conclusions reached introspectively may be tested by extreme observations, it will be fitting, at least better fitting than Bone Harvey's golf trousers, to consider VVashington's life a batch, and if in my illustrations I appear somewhat personal remember that every real thought on every real subject knocks the wind out of some- body or otherf' ' It was afternoon, in fact the afternoon of the Yale-Harvard game. To quote from that pot-pourri of would-be literary pro- ductions, The Lit., in which Joe Bunting plays such a conspicu- ous part, Joe's chief function is to insert at the head of the edi- torials 'fAll Lit. subscriptions are now payable at the office, 1 North Reunion Hall. Make out checks to Joseph S. Bunting? This last is literature of the lightest type. Observe the 'Words- worthian passion 'in that ff Make out checksf' As I remarked, it was afternoon. A keen biting wind swept the humid atmos- phere, carrying with it a suspicion of snow and swaying the leafless branches of the distant goal posts. The grand stands were a study in blue and crimson, and Billy Neill was there, too. Billy, the far-darter, holding with his right hand that of a charming maiden some forty summers old, whose name, by the way, he did not know, and while she was content. to drink to him only with her eyes, Billy sought something more substan-

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WAS.HINGTON'S BIRTHDAY ORATION. 29 title, as to spend several hours. lying on his back, before a cer- tain young ladies' Finishing School where he had some friends, kicking his heels in the snow and singing I'm a little sunfish over and over again until scared away by the dogf Now, Sport Porter is not so easily disconcerted as that! Sport was taken ill one night the summer after Freshman year in Elberon, and .had to be carried home by his friends in a fainting condition. As his supporters reached a house where Sport, when in better health, was accustomed to call, a dog ran out in a consternation producing way, but Sport reassured them. Don't be scared, fellesh, he knows my footsteps. I say, Sport, have you brought your two Sophomore friends with you to say, for the sake of your friends present, What a shame! Sport is such a nice fellow! EH? While I rest my voice I'd like to call on Mother l' Brady to relate how he and some chosen companions, whose names I will omit, owing to my feeble health, hired a cab for the sake of seeing the sights on the Bowery. I-Iow the driver's price was too exorbitant and Mother in the argument that followed lost his hat and his breath at the same time, trying, as Mother says, to catch the scoundrel. The scene changes. .It was night. I've kept a few blanks here to be filled in with some more of that Lit. rot H about the wind, snow, etc. It was the night of the 22d of February, 1873, when Henry Augustus McNulty stepped into the Arena and said 4' I have come, but don't hit me. I've got a certificate of Dick I-Iatchis granting me permission to live, grow up and grad- uate with '953' You see, kind friends, at what an early date Dick was acting in the capacity he now holds of nurse to 795. I voice the sentiment of the class, Dick, when I thank you for that loving care and tender interest you have bestowed upon our unworthy selves. I started out to speak of Washington, but it really doesn't make very much difference. George and Bishop are such perfect' parallels, in complexion, height- George was 6 feet 3 inches and weighed about 200 pounds-life and character, and now Spider says that if he could only die of an oedematous affection of the wind-pipe the days following would be for him replete with pleasure. According to the Encyclopaedia Britannica and Bill Sloane George Washington's ancestry goes back no further than his