Princeton University - Nassau Herald Yearbook (Princeton, NJ)

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WASHINGTONES BIRTHDAY ORATION, 27 be according to the logical relations of the forms of the under- standing or general notions nam ed Categories. Applying Skinny Seymouris patent Whig Hall method of debate adapted by him- self for the class-room, with the accuracy with which Bert Lukens discovered that by his class photos his head would be just twelve inches long while the breadth of his shoulders was but eight inches, and getting Charlie Candee to reduce it to its lowest terms, as he does every other topic of conversation he enters, translated it reads: Never imagine yourself to be otherwise than what you might appear to others. It what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what it should have been, it would appear to them to have been otherwise. And you will agree with me that surely this must be so. This is the same method by which Freddy Pool in a recent dissertation proved that the fIncome Tax was a necessary adjunct to the carpet cleaning business' For the in-come tacks never come -out till the carpet is cleaned? Now, inasmuch as conclusions reached introspectively may be tested by extreme observations, it will be fitting, at least better fitting than Bone Harvey's golf trousers, to consider VVashington's life a batch, and if in my illustrations I appear somewhat personal remember that every real thought on every real subject knocks the wind out of some- body or otherf' ' It was afternoon, in fact the afternoon of the Yale-Harvard game. To quote from that pot-pourri of would-be literary pro- ductions, The Lit., in which Joe Bunting plays such a conspicu- ous part, Joe's chief function is to insert at the head of the edi- torials 'fAll Lit. subscriptions are now payable at the office, 1 North Reunion Hall. Make out checks to Joseph S. Bunting? This last is literature of the lightest type. Observe the 'Words- worthian passion 'in that ff Make out checksf' As I remarked, it was afternoon. A keen biting wind swept the humid atmos- phere, carrying with it a suspicion of snow and swaying the leafless branches of the distant goal posts. The grand stands were a study in blue and crimson, and Billy Neill was there, too. Billy, the far-darter, holding with his right hand that of a charming maiden some forty summers old, whose name, by the way, he did not know, and while she was content. to drink to him only with her eyes, Billy sought something more substan-

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26 THE NASSAU HERALD. Lord Chesterfield, H Ollie Parker, Bill Nye and Bradner. He heard that Bradner alone was responsible for the bright and shining figure Curly Nelson is cutting in society. And it is but too true. Youire laughing now, Curlsf' but how grateful you were in Freshman year to learn that when you made your first call you should always be accompanied by your mother or aunt, how indispensable was the family album to the development of that deeper and more lasting affection of which you were in quest, and how at the final lesson, when Brad. entered more into detail and clasping you in his arms dictated the burning Words of love you craved, your gratitude knew no bounds!! The result of Arthur's conference was a phrase at once bright and witty. As it is not copyrighted I will give you the benefit of Dunn's experience. I havejust had my hair cut so as not to be mistaken for a foot-ball player or a musician, flike Ben Butler, for instance, who in Freshman year tried for first tenor on the 'Varsity and second bass on the Freshman Clubs, and when he failed in both said it was because he did not have a pullfl That remark of Dunnis was never-failing. At teas, dinners, receptions and concerts, where Arthur, when not on the stage, could generally be found very near it, in the aisle on both knees before a certain young ladyg at introduction, departure or during lagging conversation that speech did yeoman's service. But I must hasten on, omitting how you went to Bob '7 Rob- ertson's relations in Denver, introduced yourself, accepted an unproffered invitation to visit them, and then proceeded to have a quiet little illness, leaving at your departure your kindest thanks together with the doctor's bills. If the ushers will kindly eject that indigo shirt which is turning the ears of my audience away from mel Oh, I beg pardon, never mind. It's only Al. Corwin, who forgot to take off his blouse along with his overalls. But let us turn to our subject proper, George Washington's innate antipathy to the University of Pennsylvania analogically deduced from the aes- thetic, analytic and dialectic transcendentalism of Kant. Far transcending the comparatively narrow limits of Physiological and even Psychological Evolution, Dialectic Evolution contem- plates existence as a whole, finding the Philosophy of Being ,rin an evolution of existence, whose predetermined order is held to

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28 THE NASSAU HERALD. tial in the line of her escort's bottle, with whom he had taken pains to strike up an acquaintance before the game began. Was. that kind, ,Billy ? lVas it rnanly, was it thoughtful? Over to the left along with the team sat those two tons of soil, I mean sons of toil, Beef VVheeler and Gus Holly-Gus for a wonder was perfectly quiet, doubtless because it was in foot-ball season and there were no doors to be broken in, while just beyond sat Dougal7' 'Ward thoughtfully expanding his chest by the Bi- nomial theorem to Xu, and Frank Morse, his artist's soul beam- ing in his eyes. Frank only lives for Art. So far he has elected Art. 4 for three years and on the remaining ,days of the week, when not locked up in the Tiger ofiice cribbing a few jokes from St. Nicholas, Ybutlzs' Companion and the Lit., he runs up to New York to pose as C. D. Gibson's society woman. But hark! far, far up the stretch extending in front of the grand stand come, in dulcet tones, the mysterious words '54, I am coming, phew! while a iigure in the distance could be seen approaching, sur- mounted by a halo of exquisite brilliancy which ever and anon disappeared only to reappear with added lustre. The mysteri- ous apparition drew nigher and nigher bearing in the impressi- ble an intricate mosaic winding in and out in sinuous curves, but it was not until the grand stand was reached that f'Perk. Cfor it was hej disclosed his identity by calling out: Well, here I am, large and square, Pride of Princetonj' and Son of Old Nassauf' and 4' I want a program. I want a programf' Billy Neill consciously dropped the hand he'd been holding and looked to see where Perkf' got that halo, as he had a cigarette he wanted a light, but on application of the field glass it turned out to be that Yellow Aster,'l Phil. Walker, who was following in Perks' wake with his hat off. The schoolboyls own poet, Henry Buck-the-Tiger Master, has rendered the episode immor- tal by taking it as the scene of one of his poems. I will merely quote the verse regarding the halo: . I U It dazzled the Full Back, ' U Just starting to punt, H For it shone like a headlight - U With Perkins in front. Phil donlt like the expression Yellow Aster, but much prefers the appellation- sunfish, in fact he even went so far, to clinch the