Princeton University - Nassau Herald Yearbook (Princeton, NJ)

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s WASHING TONUS' BIRTHDA Y ORA TION. 25 takes a fiendish delight in trying to steal the tracts distributed through Dod and Brown every Saturday afternoon, This is a rnost.s'lubr'us tcashunf' That is to say, it will be ifthe Heavenly twins, Hays and Hencken, will kindly rise and allow me to in- troduce them to the rest of the class. You see, kind friends, up to this, the second half of their Senior year, they have never had an opportunity of meeting their class-mates, and as Dick Hatch felt hurt that he couldnit take every one by the hand, I have done this for his especial benefit. For a time we feared that joy would not be unconfined, but that was when we thought we'd have to listen to Baron De Half Pint I-Iirshiield and his satellites debate and, horror of horrors! not have had our own Chris on the stand, to look refined and intellectual and regale the audience with that little Glee Club smile of his, in fact make the whole affair a success socially. Now, Chris, you're not smiling, and you promised faithfully that you would if I would not talk about the time you went to Philadelphia to visit Chappie Biddle and tried to smoke a cigar with young ladies in the room and finally had to excuse yourself to get your pipe. Come, lilrnber up, moisten the 'eye and brighten the lip, raise your chin a little, so, now, then, part those ruby lips of yours gradually until your pearly teeth show. And there you have it. A girl in Buffalo said Chris was just a perfect dear, so theref' but he's such an awful little dirt. Is Dunn, the 'f social success, with us to-day? Oh, yes, there he is., Now, Arthur, don't lose that debonair air of yours in this late stage of the game and have that batch of Vacuous Vagueness laughing at you, as he Suttonly will ! I was simply about to say, my dearly beloved, that Dunn in his more philan- thropic moods occasionally goes into Society. The way it started was that Dunn was taken on the Mandolin Club last Fall and consequently took in the Christmas trip with those other Glee 'Club satellites, J ack, the huggerf' Crawford and Kid Carroll, who has a funny solo to sing, and on his first appearance sent a girl into hysterics by the expression of his face. For days, even weeks, Dunn7s usually placid brow was strewn with creases. How to open a conversation was the subject over which he pondered, to the exclusion of lectures, written recitations, Sut- ton and Willie Belden. He consulted such authorities as

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24 THE QNASSA U HERALD. mundane sphere progress in cycles. The author of 'C Pathology of Literary Taste has a little eccentricity of speaking in words of ten syllables each and trusting that he is of course under- stood. But that little confidence game of yours, Bum, has long since been exploded, and like Flemming's doll, is found to be stuffed with sawdust, as Gail Dray will vouch for confidence games in general. Gail, ever since he entered college, has had a most insane desire to speculate, which waxed so strong within him, due doubtless to his very unusual luck in matching pen- nies, playing marbles for keeps and other games involving risk, that he felt he must either visit the Stock Exchange or bust! By the way he did both. As he neared the corner of Wall and Broad streets his self-sufficiency began to wane and oh I how he did wish for Hsome one to advise him. Fortune always pro- tects children and fools, and sure enough there was the very man Gail had been looking for. He was a mild-looking man, with a long bluish-black moustache, colerie blue eye, features somewhat Cassian, clad in a pair of large artillery checked trous- ers-the kind Bert Lukens used to play tennis in last fall, with a sort of dollar-bill-ious expression. Gail approached and in- troduced himself as a friend of Dan Platt's, thinking that as Dan lived somewhere between Englewood and Princeton, every- body in New York at least, must know him, unless he had greatly misused his one talent of talking about himself and from third to seventh best girl. Dan's friend didnlt know him, however, which Gail put down to the stranger's credit, but the latter on learning the situation kindly agreed to invest Gail's money for him in the Cordage Trust. The sequel is but too well known. Of course the Cordage Trust had to expire and now, ever since he took the stranger's note, Gail has plunged into the wildest excesses, trying at the same time to make Poller Ross cut chapel once every month, he is only equalled by Lu- ther Cary I-Ioos who was but last week seen gazing at a cigar- ette with diabolical intent depicted on every feature. But to return. I was about to say that history repeats itself, and con- sequently I may be pardoned for using an expression which every class since Pop Pease, the oldest living undergraduate, .entered college, has appropriated as indigenous to itself. In the words of Ray Carter, on one of his weekly jags in which he

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26 THE NASSAU HERALD. Lord Chesterfield, H Ollie Parker, Bill Nye and Bradner. He heard that Bradner alone was responsible for the bright and shining figure Curly Nelson is cutting in society. And it is but too true. Youire laughing now, Curlsf' but how grateful you were in Freshman year to learn that when you made your first call you should always be accompanied by your mother or aunt, how indispensable was the family album to the development of that deeper and more lasting affection of which you were in quest, and how at the final lesson, when Brad. entered more into detail and clasping you in his arms dictated the burning Words of love you craved, your gratitude knew no bounds!! The result of Arthur's conference was a phrase at once bright and witty. As it is not copyrighted I will give you the benefit of Dunn's experience. I havejust had my hair cut so as not to be mistaken for a foot-ball player or a musician, flike Ben Butler, for instance, who in Freshman year tried for first tenor on the 'Varsity and second bass on the Freshman Clubs, and when he failed in both said it was because he did not have a pullfl That remark of Dunnis was never-failing. At teas, dinners, receptions and concerts, where Arthur, when not on the stage, could generally be found very near it, in the aisle on both knees before a certain young ladyg at introduction, departure or during lagging conversation that speech did yeoman's service. But I must hasten on, omitting how you went to Bob '7 Rob- ertson's relations in Denver, introduced yourself, accepted an unproffered invitation to visit them, and then proceeded to have a quiet little illness, leaving at your departure your kindest thanks together with the doctor's bills. If the ushers will kindly eject that indigo shirt which is turning the ears of my audience away from mel Oh, I beg pardon, never mind. It's only Al. Corwin, who forgot to take off his blouse along with his overalls. But let us turn to our subject proper, George Washington's innate antipathy to the University of Pennsylvania analogically deduced from the aes- thetic, analytic and dialectic transcendentalism of Kant. Far transcending the comparatively narrow limits of Physiological and even Psychological Evolution, Dialectic Evolution contem- plates existence as a whole, finding the Philosophy of Being ,rin an evolution of existence, whose predetermined order is held to