Princeton University - Nassau Herald Yearbook (Princeton, NJ)

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24 THE QNASSA U HERALD. mundane sphere progress in cycles. The author of 'C Pathology of Literary Taste has a little eccentricity of speaking in words of ten syllables each and trusting that he is of course under- stood. But that little confidence game of yours, Bum, has long since been exploded, and like Flemming's doll, is found to be stuffed with sawdust, as Gail Dray will vouch for confidence games in general. Gail, ever since he entered college, has had a most insane desire to speculate, which waxed so strong within him, due doubtless to his very unusual luck in matching pen- nies, playing marbles for keeps and other games involving risk, that he felt he must either visit the Stock Exchange or bust! By the way he did both. As he neared the corner of Wall and Broad streets his self-sufficiency began to wane and oh I how he did wish for Hsome one to advise him. Fortune always pro- tects children and fools, and sure enough there was the very man Gail had been looking for. He was a mild-looking man, with a long bluish-black moustache, colerie blue eye, features somewhat Cassian, clad in a pair of large artillery checked trous- ers-the kind Bert Lukens used to play tennis in last fall, with a sort of dollar-bill-ious expression. Gail approached and in- troduced himself as a friend of Dan Platt's, thinking that as Dan lived somewhere between Englewood and Princeton, every- body in New York at least, must know him, unless he had greatly misused his one talent of talking about himself and from third to seventh best girl. Dan's friend didnlt know him, however, which Gail put down to the stranger's credit, but the latter on learning the situation kindly agreed to invest Gail's money for him in the Cordage Trust. The sequel is but too well known. Of course the Cordage Trust had to expire and now, ever since he took the stranger's note, Gail has plunged into the wildest excesses, trying at the same time to make Poller Ross cut chapel once every month, he is only equalled by Lu- ther Cary I-Ioos who was but last week seen gazing at a cigar- ette with diabolical intent depicted on every feature. But to return. I was about to say that history repeats itself, and con- sequently I may be pardoned for using an expression which every class since Pop Pease, the oldest living undergraduate, .entered college, has appropriated as indigenous to itself. In the words of Ray Carter, on one of his weekly jags in which he

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WASHINGTON'S BIRTHDAY ORATION. 'GEORGE VVASI-IINGTON'S INNATE ANTIPATHY TO THE UNIVERSITY OF PENNSYLVANIA ANALOGICALLY DEDUCED FROM THE AESTHETIC, ANALYTIC AND DIALECTIC TRANSCENDENTALISM OF KANT. BY JOHN S. FRAME. ELL! I'm simply scared to death! For Hecweofs sake, Chris, get up and Zeacl another cheer for me 5 DO soME- THINGI VVill the Mandolin Club play another selection while I collect my scattered senses? Never mind, I remember now. ' 4' The war must go on, we must fight it through, and if the ' war must go on, why put off longer the Declaration of Inde- Upendence ? Stormed at by shot and shell boldly they rode, and well, into the jaws of death, into the gates of - No, 'that word didn't come into my speech! Let me see- Oh, yes. Now Ilm off. Ladies and Gentlemen: QThis last, by courtesy, includes Johnny Poe, who is With us to-dayj, Beloved Brothers of the Faculty, Adored Sisters of H Womenls Rights, Honorable Gen- tlemen of -the Princeton Police Force, for I understand the Force is here in his new uniform to prevent Willie Belden reading any -of his ,jokes while I am talking, and-and Friends. I almost forgot friends. I put that in on Kid Cressonis account. Kid says that what he wants is not acquaintances, but friends, friends 'who will go down into their pockets to help you when you're in need of assistance, and as that has been Kid's chronic condition .since the Penn game, it keeps him hustling to find them. My dear friends, doubtless you have heard that history re- peats itself, or as Burn Urban would say, the chronicles of this

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s WASHING TONUS' BIRTHDA Y ORA TION. 25 takes a fiendish delight in trying to steal the tracts distributed through Dod and Brown every Saturday afternoon, This is a rnost.s'lubr'us tcashunf' That is to say, it will be ifthe Heavenly twins, Hays and Hencken, will kindly rise and allow me to in- troduce them to the rest of the class. You see, kind friends, up to this, the second half of their Senior year, they have never had an opportunity of meeting their class-mates, and as Dick Hatch felt hurt that he couldnit take every one by the hand, I have done this for his especial benefit. For a time we feared that joy would not be unconfined, but that was when we thought we'd have to listen to Baron De Half Pint I-Iirshiield and his satellites debate and, horror of horrors! not have had our own Chris on the stand, to look refined and intellectual and regale the audience with that little Glee Club smile of his, in fact make the whole affair a success socially. Now, Chris, you're not smiling, and you promised faithfully that you would if I would not talk about the time you went to Philadelphia to visit Chappie Biddle and tried to smoke a cigar with young ladies in the room and finally had to excuse yourself to get your pipe. Come, lilrnber up, moisten the 'eye and brighten the lip, raise your chin a little, so, now, then, part those ruby lips of yours gradually until your pearly teeth show. And there you have it. A girl in Buffalo said Chris was just a perfect dear, so theref' but he's such an awful little dirt. Is Dunn, the 'f social success, with us to-day? Oh, yes, there he is., Now, Arthur, don't lose that debonair air of yours in this late stage of the game and have that batch of Vacuous Vagueness laughing at you, as he Suttonly will ! I was simply about to say, my dearly beloved, that Dunn in his more philan- thropic moods occasionally goes into Society. The way it started was that Dunn was taken on the Mandolin Club last Fall and consequently took in the Christmas trip with those other Glee 'Club satellites, J ack, the huggerf' Crawford and Kid Carroll, who has a funny solo to sing, and on his first appearance sent a girl into hysterics by the expression of his face. For days, even weeks, Dunn7s usually placid brow was strewn with creases. How to open a conversation was the subject over which he pondered, to the exclusion of lectures, written recitations, Sut- ton and Willie Belden. He consulted such authorities as