Princeton University - Nassau Herald Yearbook (Princeton, NJ)

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WASHINGTONS BIRTHDAY ORATION. 29 going to get off your great impersonation of Dives and Lazarus. I don't want this audience to melt away, but you can have this plat- form all to yourself to-night, though I warn you there'll be a counter-attraction, for if there are any alumni in town-and Al Constable was expected to-day-if there are any alumni here Lou Reichner will be busy bootlicking them until some one asks him to sing the animal song. But, Al, in the meantime suppose you stick out your chest and show our friends how nice you look. f'I'm a little quail on toast. We all know you're a little quail, Al, and you have a great big chest, and you're a real nice, cute little quail, but that's no reason why you should quail before the glance of this audience. There! I have wandered way off from where I began. We were speaking about duels-not the Dual League, of blessed mem- ory, but the duel as developed by Crazy Van Cise. Van used to be a good paying member of Whig Hall but when the silver-tongued McGaffin came back to college in Clio Hall to do battle against Whig's champion, the brass-lunged Ed Loughlin- Hello, Tom Bailey! -Van became sour-balled and dropped out. But one day last fall he thought he would go in again and look around. There was to be an initiation shortly, and he wanted to see the goat. Well, as it happened, jim Campbell was right there, so of course he didn't have to look far for the goat. He heard a noise behind him - A-a-a,''-goat-fashion--and he turned and beheld Jim. jim told him that he was no longer a member of Whig Hall and would have to get out. Oh, go away, you Harlem goat, replied Van, do you know who I am? I am Edwin Basil Courtlandt Garrison Van Cise. I am descended from Kings and jukes, the blood of the Tudors and Plantagenets courses through me veins. Hence, you goat, you kid, you snipe-hunter, you CAM. This was more than .lim could stand, though he can be Cam enough under ordinary circum- stances, and he kicked Van out. Van procured the services of Mud Archer as second, and challenged jim, and insisted on fighting it out. Tom Bailey said afterwards that if he had been here that fight would have been stopped in the beginning, but Tom was away in Washington, looking after the repeal of the Sherman act. The tight was to a finish, without gloves, and came off back of the School of Science. Both men seemed nervous and danced around for a minute without doing much, until Van drew first blood with a neat right-

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-28 THE NASSAU HERALD. magazines, and that his department would like to embrace as many 'exchanges as possible, but for obvious reasons they declined. It was this year that Pie had his final break with Eiffel Tower, -due to the fact that Pie insisted on entering the mile walk, thus des- troying Eiffel's sole opportunity of becoming famous. The broken- hearted Eiffel spurned Ienk from beneath his feet and then Jenk 'began to run with Schopenhauer McCaque, the pensive pessimist of Omaha, known on his native heath as Alkali George. McCaque -was the leader of that gang that hazed Sceleratus Davis in Junior jyear. Daveis, next to Freak Lockwood, the leader of Russell's Comedians, but he has a little dignity left, and this was so hurt that ever since then he has spent most of his Sundays at home. They do say that Dave is engaged, and he has certainly been buying the greatest amount of sentimental literature at the library He has ordered 4' The Lover's Lexicon, a Hand-Book for Novelists, Play- iWrights, Philosophers and Minor Poets, but Especially the Enam- -oured, and considerable fiction, includin 4' Love's Youn Dream, ' ' 3 8 and A Mad Passion 5 or, Dying to be Kissed. Speaking of Davis, does anyone know how he and Brodnax came to room together? The combination is almost as incongruous as Murray Brush and Mud Archer, although it is said that Mud has 'brought suit against Skinny Kinney for alienating Murray's affec- tions. But Davis and Brodnax-Dave so quiet and unassuming, always shrinking in the background, and Broady one of those born 'leaders of men. I had the pleasure of spending the Easter vaca- 'tion in Broady's company last year, down on a Virginia plantation, where we took a short trip together. It was just before the prelimi- nary J. O. contest, and Broady was hurling his anathemas at the 'spirit of American pensions. One night he went out in the lane to practice 5 he thought he was alone, but as it happened there was an --old colored auntie coming to her house. Suddenly we were startled by her appearance in the room, her face pale with fright and her -eyes rolling in herlhead. Oh, Miss Alice, dere's sumnn' dread- ful. I wuz comin' along de lane, when suddenly dere appeared wot I t'ot was de Angel Gabriel. He was aflingin' his arms about his head and shoutin' powerful loud 3 at first I done siis 'crazy shu nuff, den I t'ot he must be Gabriel, but den he come acloserand I done see he was jiss dat white man, Massa Brodnaxf' Al Chamberlain, can't you sit quiet? Don't think that 1' pect he was Ill

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130 THE' NASSAU HERALD. thander on j'im's cheek. jim returned this with a straight left-hand jab on Van's nose, and soon after time was called. Seven rounds had been fought, and Cam's wind .seemed to be giving him, Sl0W1Y bflf -surely, the advantage. In the eighth round both men came up smil- ing, and Jim planted a clean left undercut on Van's jaw. Then Van displayed a constellation and one or two variable stars before Iim'S left orb. jim broke away and tantalized Van into making a lead- By this time Van was getting pretty groggyg Jim landed him one -on the breast, then banged him in the forehead, knocking his head backward, and played battledoor and shuttlecock with his cheeks, put his right clean and hard on Van's breast and would have half murdered the poor aristocrat if a messenger boy hadn't run up to 'Mud Archer just then with a telegram from Tom Bailey, saying that 'the nght must stop. ' Van got out of the hospital in a couple of weeks, took a catalogue and sent a challenge to every tenth man in the class. He still 'desires to wipe off that old score with Cam. Here is the letter 'which he has sent to Deacon Armstrong 5 he sent it to Armie 'because Armie rooms with Cam. Have I your permission, Van, to -read your letter? Yes? Thank you. I ' H WEDNESDAY, November, 1893. DEAR ARMSTRONG-I wish you to inform your principal that none of the blows, 'the effects of which I have been suffering, were fair blows. The blows that interfered with my seeing and guarding were unprepared for and muckerish. The one that knocked me out was from behind, unseen, and .deliberately aimed at an insulted and blinded man, I have talked With Archer, and shall arrange a Hght a little more forma! Man .last-seconds two each, time called at each down, 8zc. My seconds probably will be Archer and Harvey Young, if Mr. Cameron attempts any foul tactics he :never will leave that field without crutches. y , Please consider this a challenge, and let me hear from you before long. t Remaining deeply yourfdebtor for your kindness after the fight QU, I am . Sincerely yours, - ' A l ED. VAN C1sE, Jn. Will the tall lady who smiled at the handsome young man with 'the dark eyelashes, Sixth Avenue Elevated, near Eighteenth street, 'communicate with 2o.West Witherspoon, Princeton, New jersey? '5 Varsity Thaw is still waiting for an answer to that personal Ol' his in the Sunday Herald and in the meantime the Big Four enioy lifc .as best they may. 'Varsity Thaw, Punk Sabine, Woodpecker llgb- I F i IIS... 7fH?'2T7'F sf