Princeton University - Nassau Herald Yearbook (Princeton, NJ)

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WASHINGTOINVS BIRTHDAY ORATION. 27 calling Come here, Fido, until Malcolm got him out of that house, where he will never, never call again, nor shall we investi- gate the causes of Malcolm Goodridge's constant visits to Balti- more, nor speculate as to what Lou Reichner's friends would have done if they had got him in the van, I will refrain from mention- ing how Carl Roebling was arrested in Trenton for pasting procs. on his own father's warehouse, nor will I give the man away who- hired his disreputable friends to yell under Carl's window during his birthday celebration, for that false man says that if I tell on him he'll give it to me on Presentation, and I will not hurt the feelings of Skinny McWilliams by telling how, when he entered a horse car last Thanksgiving a kind stranger arose and said that he would be one of five to give the gentleman a seat. Over all this let us draw a veil, not the veil of tears, but such a veil as any sensible girl will wear who goes out walking with that gay Lothario, Frank Carter, for, as one of Frank's acquaintances remarked to Muck Holmes, it isn't pleasant to be kissed all the time, George Washington never surrendered, he might die every now and then, but he never surrendered, but our George-Clytie George-ignominiously surrendered to Lord Cornwallis at the first call to arms. And it was just about that hour of night that the blood of George Weems Williams froze in his veins, as from the dreadful silence of the cemetery there came the awful cry, Ole, Gfeorge, you 1z'z'fz'n't keep your promise .f ' Yes, I did, said George, and no one knows to this day whether George really kept his promise or not Thackeray has an account in The Virginiansn of how George Washington once fought a duel, or was all ready to fight one, when Providence intervened and called the fight off. Providence doesn't always intervene so opportunely, or she would have made Pie Bur- rill Jenkins wear that ,94 sweater of his when he went to the Infirmary with varioloid and had to have all his clothes burned. But you can't down Pie by a little thing like that, nor keep him from visiting his four hundred fair friends, Hitting like a butterfly from Vassar tb WVellesley and then to Smith, and so on around. Pie appeared in the sanctum of the Iflfclfcsley rlfagafzizze one day last winter and announced that he was come to represent the Lfi. ,- that the Lit. wanted to cultivate friendly relations with the other college l

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26 THE NAssAU HERALD. them feel nice and quite at home, and, worst of all, there WHS no Pharisee Murray to write those cruel, biting, stinging, QUODI' mous letters that he was ashamed to sign with his name, HOT CTY ln those virtuous, unctuous, sanctified tones, Oh, LOTCL I thank Thee that I am not as other Seniors are, nor even as this De Wolf Hopper. ' I Yes, all is changed. So was the world changed when George Washington came upon the scene one hundred and sixty-seven years ago. The first thing George did was to send atelegram to his father, saying that he was doing well, and would he please send him six boxes of Mellin's Infant Food and one of Ferris' Heavenly Hams. George was a precocious youth5 he made important dis- coveries in electricity, and is said to have invented pajamas. H6 grew rapidly and at four was as tall as Benny Everitt. All the people in Fairfax county looked up to him 5 he was monarch of all he surveyed, and he surveyed everything, from a ten-acre lot to a Virginia kitchen. I He was Commander of the Continental forces,and with the help of some of John Dickinson's ancestors he established American independence. He was twice President of the United States and died at Mount Vernon, at the age of seventy-two, honoured and beloved of all the world. Such was George. I shall not lead you in the paths of romance by attempting to draw a parallel between George Washington and any such ephe- meral youths as Dutch Wintringer, Funny Gibson, Whangdoodle- Corry, Imperturbable Pete, Wooden Indian Morrison, Provisional Waterhouse, Free-Wool Robinson or Windy Allen 5 neither shall I expose the domestic complications of Pop Alexander, Grandpa Kiesling and Mamma Shultis 5 nor disturb the airy femininity of pretty Annie Lowrie, ,nor rescue from the peaceful sleep of oblivion Horses Pratt, Califf of Bagdad, or Smiles McLeish 5 let us avoid too close an investigation of the career of Jud Bailey 5 I have too much regard for Jud to tell you why he is no longer invited to call by his New Brunswick friends 5 not for the world would I have you know that Jud actually went to call on some friends in that town at a time when, under the malign infiuence of Malcolm Goodridge, he was unable to find 'the door-bell, nor how, after he entered the house, he spent halfan hour in sitting on the fioor and trying to induce a china dog to come and sit in his lap, whistling to it and

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-28 THE NASSAU HERALD. magazines, and that his department would like to embrace as many 'exchanges as possible, but for obvious reasons they declined. It was this year that Pie had his final break with Eiffel Tower, -due to the fact that Pie insisted on entering the mile walk, thus des- troying Eiffel's sole opportunity of becoming famous. The broken- hearted Eiffel spurned Ienk from beneath his feet and then Jenk 'began to run with Schopenhauer McCaque, the pensive pessimist of Omaha, known on his native heath as Alkali George. McCaque -was the leader of that gang that hazed Sceleratus Davis in Junior jyear. Daveis, next to Freak Lockwood, the leader of Russell's Comedians, but he has a little dignity left, and this was so hurt that ever since then he has spent most of his Sundays at home. They do say that Dave is engaged, and he has certainly been buying the greatest amount of sentimental literature at the library He has ordered 4' The Lover's Lexicon, a Hand-Book for Novelists, Play- iWrights, Philosophers and Minor Poets, but Especially the Enam- -oured, and considerable fiction, includin 4' Love's Youn Dream, ' ' 3 8 and A Mad Passion 5 or, Dying to be Kissed. Speaking of Davis, does anyone know how he and Brodnax came to room together? The combination is almost as incongruous as Murray Brush and Mud Archer, although it is said that Mud has 'brought suit against Skinny Kinney for alienating Murray's affec- tions. But Davis and Brodnax-Dave so quiet and unassuming, always shrinking in the background, and Broady one of those born 'leaders of men. I had the pleasure of spending the Easter vaca- 'tion in Broady's company last year, down on a Virginia plantation, where we took a short trip together. It was just before the prelimi- nary J. O. contest, and Broady was hurling his anathemas at the 'spirit of American pensions. One night he went out in the lane to practice 5 he thought he was alone, but as it happened there was an --old colored auntie coming to her house. Suddenly we were startled by her appearance in the room, her face pale with fright and her -eyes rolling in herlhead. Oh, Miss Alice, dere's sumnn' dread- ful. I wuz comin' along de lane, when suddenly dere appeared wot I t'ot was de Angel Gabriel. He was aflingin' his arms about his head and shoutin' powerful loud 3 at first I done siis 'crazy shu nuff, den I t'ot he must be Gabriel, but den he come acloserand I done see he was jiss dat white man, Massa Brodnaxf' Al Chamberlain, can't you sit quiet? Don't think that 1' pect he was Ill