Princeton University - Nassau Herald Yearbook (Princeton, NJ)

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26 THE NAssAU HERALD. them feel nice and quite at home, and, worst of all, there WHS no Pharisee Murray to write those cruel, biting, stinging, QUODI' mous letters that he was ashamed to sign with his name, HOT CTY ln those virtuous, unctuous, sanctified tones, Oh, LOTCL I thank Thee that I am not as other Seniors are, nor even as this De Wolf Hopper. ' I Yes, all is changed. So was the world changed when George Washington came upon the scene one hundred and sixty-seven years ago. The first thing George did was to send atelegram to his father, saying that he was doing well, and would he please send him six boxes of Mellin's Infant Food and one of Ferris' Heavenly Hams. George was a precocious youth5 he made important dis- coveries in electricity, and is said to have invented pajamas. H6 grew rapidly and at four was as tall as Benny Everitt. All the people in Fairfax county looked up to him 5 he was monarch of all he surveyed, and he surveyed everything, from a ten-acre lot to a Virginia kitchen. I He was Commander of the Continental forces,and with the help of some of John Dickinson's ancestors he established American independence. He was twice President of the United States and died at Mount Vernon, at the age of seventy-two, honoured and beloved of all the world. Such was George. I shall not lead you in the paths of romance by attempting to draw a parallel between George Washington and any such ephe- meral youths as Dutch Wintringer, Funny Gibson, Whangdoodle- Corry, Imperturbable Pete, Wooden Indian Morrison, Provisional Waterhouse, Free-Wool Robinson or Windy Allen 5 neither shall I expose the domestic complications of Pop Alexander, Grandpa Kiesling and Mamma Shultis 5 nor disturb the airy femininity of pretty Annie Lowrie, ,nor rescue from the peaceful sleep of oblivion Horses Pratt, Califf of Bagdad, or Smiles McLeish 5 let us avoid too close an investigation of the career of Jud Bailey 5 I have too much regard for Jud to tell you why he is no longer invited to call by his New Brunswick friends 5 not for the world would I have you know that Jud actually went to call on some friends in that town at a time when, under the malign infiuence of Malcolm Goodridge, he was unable to find 'the door-bell, nor how, after he entered the house, he spent halfan hour in sitting on the fioor and trying to induce a china dog to come and sit in his lap, whistling to it and

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WASHINGTON'S BIRTHDAY ORATION. 25 But, to return, MR. PRESIDENT, LADIES AND GENTLEBIEN 'GENTLEMEN OF THE FACULTY, GENTLEMEN OF THE BOARD OF TRUSTEES, GENTLEMEN OF THE PRINCETONIAN BOARD AND GENTLE- .MEN BY THE PRINCETONIAN BORED-Ellld I think these two divisions will include the entire class-SISTERS or THE UNDERGRADUATES' one and all, I salute you with the kiss of peace. We sincerely regret that the inclement weather should be so out -of keeping with the spirit of the occasion, but you know Shorty 7 J .Kennedy has just returned from a visit to Cranbury, and he is re- sponsible for the snow. Now, let's be real nice and retrospective. Let our fancy glide lightly over the days that once have been, as softly as the Anheuser- Busch trickles down the capacious throat of Gsc Jeffreys, and more accurately, let us hope, than the base-ball shoots from the supple 'fingers of jack Van Nortrick, while the umpire repeats the monoto- nous refrain of Four balls, take your base. You have undoubtedly observed, from the eloquent orations of 'the preceding speakers, that history moves in cycles. Far, far back in the vistas of antiquity, Alexander the Great looms as the colossal 'figure of his time. History rested a batch 5 then she took a brace .and Julius Caesar came upon the earth, fourteen hundred years passed away, and Martin Luther appeared and cried, I am here I Between Martin Luther and the immortal George there lies an in- terval of but three centuries, and from George Washington to Tom Bailey is only a little over a hundred years. Only a hundred years, and behold how altered ! In that century 'that lies behind us, how different is the retrospect I Then there was no Shorty Kennedy sliding bases around the cannon, in evening fclothes. Then there was no Tommy Carlisle to lead the singing in the Class prayer-meetings. Then the farmer could sleep in peace, 'for there was no Ed Hammett to steal his chickens. In those days the guileless little Seminole could eat his ice- cream in calm, for there was no Brig Young to intercept the bearer on his way across the campus. The chance wanderer might often have looked upon the little saplings that were to become our tallest 'elms and never suspect that upon their capacious boughs would afterwards repose the supple form of Frank Riggs, who is so fond of sleeping in the tree-tops. Then there was no Marshall Bullitt to ,run after the professors and talk familiarly with them and make

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WASHINGTOINVS BIRTHDAY ORATION. 27 calling Come here, Fido, until Malcolm got him out of that house, where he will never, never call again, nor shall we investi- gate the causes of Malcolm Goodridge's constant visits to Balti- more, nor speculate as to what Lou Reichner's friends would have done if they had got him in the van, I will refrain from mention- ing how Carl Roebling was arrested in Trenton for pasting procs. on his own father's warehouse, nor will I give the man away who- hired his disreputable friends to yell under Carl's window during his birthday celebration, for that false man says that if I tell on him he'll give it to me on Presentation, and I will not hurt the feelings of Skinny McWilliams by telling how, when he entered a horse car last Thanksgiving a kind stranger arose and said that he would be one of five to give the gentleman a seat. Over all this let us draw a veil, not the veil of tears, but such a veil as any sensible girl will wear who goes out walking with that gay Lothario, Frank Carter, for, as one of Frank's acquaintances remarked to Muck Holmes, it isn't pleasant to be kissed all the time, George Washington never surrendered, he might die every now and then, but he never surrendered, but our George-Clytie George-ignominiously surrendered to Lord Cornwallis at the first call to arms. And it was just about that hour of night that the blood of George Weems Williams froze in his veins, as from the dreadful silence of the cemetery there came the awful cry, Ole, Gfeorge, you 1z'z'fz'n't keep your promise .f ' Yes, I did, said George, and no one knows to this day whether George really kept his promise or not Thackeray has an account in The Virginiansn of how George Washington once fought a duel, or was all ready to fight one, when Providence intervened and called the fight off. Providence doesn't always intervene so opportunely, or she would have made Pie Bur- rill Jenkins wear that ,94 sweater of his when he went to the Infirmary with varioloid and had to have all his clothes burned. But you can't down Pie by a little thing like that, nor keep him from visiting his four hundred fair friends, Hitting like a butterfly from Vassar tb WVellesley and then to Smith, and so on around. Pie appeared in the sanctum of the Iflfclfcsley rlfagafzizze one day last winter and announced that he was come to represent the Lfi. ,- that the Lit. wanted to cultivate friendly relations with the other college l