Princeton University - Nassau Herald Yearbook (Princeton, NJ)

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WASHINGTON'S BIRTHDAY ORATION. 25 But, to return, MR. PRESIDENT, LADIES AND GENTLEBIEN 'GENTLEMEN OF THE FACULTY, GENTLEMEN OF THE BOARD OF TRUSTEES, GENTLEMEN OF THE PRINCETONIAN BOARD AND GENTLE- .MEN BY THE PRINCETONIAN BORED-Ellld I think these two divisions will include the entire class-SISTERS or THE UNDERGRADUATES' one and all, I salute you with the kiss of peace. We sincerely regret that the inclement weather should be so out -of keeping with the spirit of the occasion, but you know Shorty 7 J .Kennedy has just returned from a visit to Cranbury, and he is re- sponsible for the snow. Now, let's be real nice and retrospective. Let our fancy glide lightly over the days that once have been, as softly as the Anheuser- Busch trickles down the capacious throat of Gsc Jeffreys, and more accurately, let us hope, than the base-ball shoots from the supple 'fingers of jack Van Nortrick, while the umpire repeats the monoto- nous refrain of Four balls, take your base. You have undoubtedly observed, from the eloquent orations of 'the preceding speakers, that history moves in cycles. Far, far back in the vistas of antiquity, Alexander the Great looms as the colossal 'figure of his time. History rested a batch 5 then she took a brace .and Julius Caesar came upon the earth, fourteen hundred years passed away, and Martin Luther appeared and cried, I am here I Between Martin Luther and the immortal George there lies an in- terval of but three centuries, and from George Washington to Tom Bailey is only a little over a hundred years. Only a hundred years, and behold how altered ! In that century 'that lies behind us, how different is the retrospect I Then there was no Shorty Kennedy sliding bases around the cannon, in evening fclothes. Then there was no Tommy Carlisle to lead the singing in the Class prayer-meetings. Then the farmer could sleep in peace, 'for there was no Ed Hammett to steal his chickens. In those days the guileless little Seminole could eat his ice- cream in calm, for there was no Brig Young to intercept the bearer on his way across the campus. The chance wanderer might often have looked upon the little saplings that were to become our tallest 'elms and never suspect that upon their capacious boughs would afterwards repose the supple form of Frank Riggs, who is so fond of sleeping in the tree-tops. Then there was no Marshall Bullitt to ,run after the professors and talk familiarly with them and make

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24 THE NASSAU HERALD. Ladies and gentlemen, you see that this is a very difficult audi- ence to address. George Forsyth doesn't understand anything abOUf firearms-oh, there you go again. This is really unkind, oh, fel- lows, Sellishness in the struggle for existence is pardonable, but selfishness in the struggle for empty honours, is inexcus--- observe the narcotic effect. A single line from the cynical pen of Pharisee Murray will quiet even this crowd, and you can match a para- graph of his against two columns of Billy Spruance's stately .Prz'm'e- z'0nz'an editorials on the apathy of the Freshmen, and give Billy a big handicap into the bargain-though Billy would probably decline the latter, on the ground that he is already sufficiently handicapped by that insufferable Catgut McCord. Well, as we were saying-perhaps we weren't saying it, but it's true nevertheless-this is a most intense, large, line, salubrious and, as Pat would say, amost auspi'sh's ca'shn. We should begin in the dignified and proper manner that befits it, and have only been prevented by the really disgraceful behavior of the Seniors. I trust that you understand this, and will therefore pardon this informal opening 5 with your permission, I will -now endeavour to remedy this defect, and so if Sandy McGaiiin will push his halo a little further back-yes, that is about right-and if 'Bill Leggatt will put that bottle under the seat, and if Sister Linnard will remove that intelligent expression and just look natural, we will begin. -ah! MR. PRESIDENT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GENTLELAIEN OF THE FACULTY-excuse all these details, but you know it's customary to begin in this way, and we mustn't ignore these old customs, although we need not become so excited over them as that howling little anar- chist, Dick Hatton, who likes nothing so well as to gather a crowd of Sophomores under the Faculty windows, and yell - with the Faculty, and lead a cheer for the devil, its funny, Dick, but the Faculty does seem to live through it, somehow. Dick was down in Washington this winter, and thought that' he had made a great impression on a beautiful girl when one evening he held her hand in his, or both her hands in both of his for three-quarters of an hour. Dick thought that he -was a three-time winner with no one to divvy with, but when he called again the next morning she camo down stairs with both hands in a sling.

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26 THE NAssAU HERALD. them feel nice and quite at home, and, worst of all, there WHS no Pharisee Murray to write those cruel, biting, stinging, QUODI' mous letters that he was ashamed to sign with his name, HOT CTY ln those virtuous, unctuous, sanctified tones, Oh, LOTCL I thank Thee that I am not as other Seniors are, nor even as this De Wolf Hopper. ' I Yes, all is changed. So was the world changed when George Washington came upon the scene one hundred and sixty-seven years ago. The first thing George did was to send atelegram to his father, saying that he was doing well, and would he please send him six boxes of Mellin's Infant Food and one of Ferris' Heavenly Hams. George was a precocious youth5 he made important dis- coveries in electricity, and is said to have invented pajamas. H6 grew rapidly and at four was as tall as Benny Everitt. All the people in Fairfax county looked up to him 5 he was monarch of all he surveyed, and he surveyed everything, from a ten-acre lot to a Virginia kitchen. I He was Commander of the Continental forces,and with the help of some of John Dickinson's ancestors he established American independence. He was twice President of the United States and died at Mount Vernon, at the age of seventy-two, honoured and beloved of all the world. Such was George. I shall not lead you in the paths of romance by attempting to draw a parallel between George Washington and any such ephe- meral youths as Dutch Wintringer, Funny Gibson, Whangdoodle- Corry, Imperturbable Pete, Wooden Indian Morrison, Provisional Waterhouse, Free-Wool Robinson or Windy Allen 5 neither shall I expose the domestic complications of Pop Alexander, Grandpa Kiesling and Mamma Shultis 5 nor disturb the airy femininity of pretty Annie Lowrie, ,nor rescue from the peaceful sleep of oblivion Horses Pratt, Califf of Bagdad, or Smiles McLeish 5 let us avoid too close an investigation of the career of Jud Bailey 5 I have too much regard for Jud to tell you why he is no longer invited to call by his New Brunswick friends 5 not for the world would I have you know that Jud actually went to call on some friends in that town at a time when, under the malign infiuence of Malcolm Goodridge, he was unable to find 'the door-bell, nor how, after he entered the house, he spent halfan hour in sitting on the fioor and trying to induce a china dog to come and sit in his lap, whistling to it and