Princeton University - Nassau Herald Yearbook (Princeton, NJ)

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24 THE NASSAU HERALD. - Then, too, you like to be mysterious. No one could ever see why you used to comb your hair as Nance I-Iallock does, unless you were writing poetry. Then for several days at a time you would walk the streets, speaking to no one, ex- cept to borrow a cigarette in an absent sort of a way. Your managementof the finances of the Lit. was not as success- ful as that of the Lit. supper, though you couldn't get Mr. Martinelli to leave the dress suits of the waiters for your benefit, and Mr. Sturtevant wouldntt let you have the night-key. ' But the crowning mystery of all was your great, un- spoken Chapel stage on The Fair Crod's Return. Who the said Fair God was, or why or when he was to return, no one could ever find out. I have solved the mystery, however, and I think you'll find he will return as often as you press this spring. In view ofthe slight benefit certain members of the Class have derived from their course, the Faculty has kindly voted them drawbacks on the fee for diplomas. These have been appropriated, as is usual in such cases, by the Treasurer to the purchase of I A FEW SUITABLE PRESENTS, which I shall now distribute. They are for Scrute Ruther- furd, Jeremiah Clinton Cromer, Phoebus Hemphill, Alf Mills, .Ieems Monroe Banister, E. Ross Jackman, Billy Baker, Walter Acker, Senator Cr. D. Browne, Abe S. Bick- ham, Darius Greene, and Burt Chamberlin. It will be seen from the mixed character of this assemblage, that in award- ing these honors no regard whatever has been had to moral character or family connections. Scrute, I suppose, hasn't forgotten the oral he had with the intellectual Princeton damsel down at a reception of the stalwart Greek Electives. He felt more than ever like answering 'C not prepared, especially when she struck ethics and psychology. She might as well have

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W THE NASSAU HERALD. 23 came to the conclusion that you had been misplaced by one' of the assistants. So you escaped, but in order to prevent such a catastrophe in the future, take this useful article of furniture. Darius Greene spits only when he smokes cigar- ettes, and you will do well to follow his example. Our LITERARY sAMsoNs will now please take the floor. Ethelbert Dudley W,2.l'flGld and Williaiii Gilbert Sutphen. Doc, you have an awful tongue, and the worst of it is, you can't keep it quiet. By giving away the Lit. prizemen, you developed more of the latent profanity in Judge's guileless nature than the grading system ever did. You can talk longer and say less. than George Day in a political speech. You are pretty conscien- tious, and won't read what Jack Bryan calls sexual litera- ture, on Sunday. But it was stretching -things a little, to say that you read Addison, and the other classical writers, every day of your life. U Don't you think tho, Doc ? You are as great an authority on Kentucky short-horns as Ike Taylor is on billiards. Your story in the Princezfonicm, entitled 'tLeft, wasnlt nearly so good as you thought it, and you found yourself in that very predicament when your uncle said it was the poorest thing he ever saw. It was almost equal to Trotter Woods' terrible adventure with the angle- worms. Just take this magniicent pin set with salires. Is this a Tiger I see before me? Billy, we have listened this afternoon to your 4' inarticulate wailing with a great deal of interest. You are a peculiar boy, but not half as peculiar as you would like to be. You are one ofthose who sit up late and smoke borrowed cigarettes and take a glass of plain soda in the morning to clear the head, you know. A sort of universal genius, just crowded to death with lite- rary work, with just a moment to sit down and scribble off a number of the Tiger, or a play for the Whig Hall Theat- ricals. But you shouldn't loaf around all next day telling about how much you have to do, and how you don't do it.

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. THE NASSAU HERALD. 25 tried to get half a dollar out of him. He got on well enough, however, until she asked his opinion of the theory of 'tunconscious mental cerebrationf' The celerity with which the subject was shifted to more familiar ground must have been a fearful .strain on the primary laws of associa- tion. The next thing he asked was whether she had seen Jumbo yet. Scrut will take this little book. The author he has doubtless met. He holds receptions frequently in the large room next the College oflices. I'll get Freddie Burt to Hx up an appendix on the relation of Psychology to the Pachydermata when he returns from the Expedition. Jeremiah, your motto is, '4 I should smile. We have watched your course with interest, because we feared Bones would be the death of you. Your temperament ,is entirely too mercurial for this vale of tears, so you will please take this, which contains one of Potteids famous Clla Pods, and commit suicide by reading it through rapidly. Phoebus wants that little pistol he exhibited up at Hobp- ken in Fresh. year. Any Yale man present may make themselves perfectly sate by turning the right cheek. Alf Mills got the bulge on the rest of us by coming on to College with a recommendation to Eckard P. Budd in his pocket. This accounts for his success. He is the disciple of Capt. Cuttle, and always makes a note, whether he Ends it or not. He will please take this, and note down the ,remainder of this lecture. 1 Jim, I suppose you still hanker for toughness. Take this package of cubebs and toughen yourself at your leisure. Following the example ofa prominent periodicalin the ease of Crillott's ad., the editors of the NASSAU HERALD have insert- ed just here an ad. of E. O. Thompson. This style, half a dol- lar. Jack, you will find the latest styles fully exhibited in this. Walter, dear, you are growing, growing old. Your raven locks are getting grey, and I don't wonder, after the terrible experiences of Fresh. year. I have a new style of French crib for you-warranted to get there every time. t'Pud Fine will explain it to you.