Princeton University - Nassau Herald Yearbook (Princeton, NJ)

Page 27 text:

22 THE NASSAU HERALD. . historian, so the job of telling the customary lies on the fellows was given to the present encumbrance. I have pro- cured a copy of the scurrilous publication for you, and have carefully marked the chapter and verse that gives Potter away so cold. But misfortunes, like base hits off our pitcher, never come single, and I'm new compelled to introduce Eddy, who is probably bored at not having been mentioned first. Ed knows hens not as handsome as Heins Welles, especially with his head shaved. I-Ie had this done, I'm told, in self-defence, to keep the girls from doting on him. ' I call particular attention to the development of the neck. In comparison with that of our Master of Ceremonies, it seems to be less abnormal, and shows a high degree of cultivation. He isn't easily bored. This was evident, when, after the Brown boys had pounded him for fifteen base hits, with a total of twenty- one, he said he didn't take much credit for the defeat. But Ed., how about the day Jim Banister beat you so badly at lawn tennis, and then told you it was hard luck, Eddy ? I believe you were bored that day. You may now describe the ftdown and out, and take this with you to practice up for Jim. John Grier has outlived his mashing days, and now deliv- ers lectures on matters of etiquette and decorum to young ladies frivolcusly inclined. In this he is as successful as Horace Emmons in his celebrated minstrel joke about the young men's intellects, or as Sleepy Wilson in an argument with the General. You will pardon me, Doc, for relating that thrilling adventure of yours in the Library, but I do so for the beneit of the unvvary. I suppose youuwere wander- ing about frantically, striving to unravel the mysteries ofthe alcoves. You were about to give vent to your feelings in a mild cuss-word, and so made a preparatory spit, which, as luck would have it, went straight through the floor, and landed on Freddy's head. No one can help admiring your presence of mind, in stowing yourself away in one of the empty shelves. Freddy came up and hunted for you, but

Page 26 text:

THE NASSAU HERALD. 21 Committee on Morals and Discipline will please take charge of Mr. Day while I request the company of OUR MASHERS. They are Mr. D. Elmendorf, of the irm of Pach Sz Bros., Mr. Eddy Ernst, the Jack of the Diamond, and J. Grier Hibben, the Peoria Masher. Any slight embarrass- ment on the part of Mr. Elrnendorf may be explained by the fact that his appearance on this occasion is wholly unexpected to himselfl Dwight, you were a masher from the very irst when you mashed up the front campus on the night of our Preliminary Cane Spree. The only trouble was, you forgot to tell Loney how you had rowed for years with Courtney on Hemlock Lake. But you go too far in your mashes. It's always whole scalp, or no count. Now, there's Allan Percy and dear little Cortlandtg both of them are dead gone on you, but you never let on. You treat them worse than Billy Sutphen does the Senator. Allan took seven pictures of your handsomeg and distin- guished self, and but one of Ed. Simons. As for Charlie, he is never so happy as when carrying your camera about the campus, or supplying the picturesque for your views. You are his little tin god, and it is rumored that you allow him to say his prayers to you. Only the other day, he told a young lady out in town that Dwight runs everything here in College, you know. But as leader of Crlee Club, you shine like Peck Pierson in a prayer meeting. When- ever you go otf on a trip, it takes at least a week for you to recover. HAH broken up, ,you know, 'tAudience perfectly wild, Most elegant reception. You must have a formid- able scalp list by this time, for there was invariably a fresh one after every raid. But when Il Trovatoren was on the bills, you were the bright particular star, and mashed at long range. It used to make the whole Crlee Club smile, and Uzal McCarter too, to see how that solo of yours brought down the house. Your supreme love for truth, and total lack of imagination unfitted you for becoming a popular

Page 28 text:

W THE NASSAU HERALD. 23 came to the conclusion that you had been misplaced by one' of the assistants. So you escaped, but in order to prevent such a catastrophe in the future, take this useful article of furniture. Darius Greene spits only when he smokes cigar- ettes, and you will do well to follow his example. Our LITERARY sAMsoNs will now please take the floor. Ethelbert Dudley W,2.l'flGld and Williaiii Gilbert Sutphen. Doc, you have an awful tongue, and the worst of it is, you can't keep it quiet. By giving away the Lit. prizemen, you developed more of the latent profanity in Judge's guileless nature than the grading system ever did. You can talk longer and say less. than George Day in a political speech. You are pretty conscien- tious, and won't read what Jack Bryan calls sexual litera- ture, on Sunday. But it was stretching -things a little, to say that you read Addison, and the other classical writers, every day of your life. U Don't you think tho, Doc ? You are as great an authority on Kentucky short-horns as Ike Taylor is on billiards. Your story in the Princezfonicm, entitled 'tLeft, wasnlt nearly so good as you thought it, and you found yourself in that very predicament when your uncle said it was the poorest thing he ever saw. It was almost equal to Trotter Woods' terrible adventure with the angle- worms. Just take this magniicent pin set with salires. Is this a Tiger I see before me? Billy, we have listened this afternoon to your 4' inarticulate wailing with a great deal of interest. You are a peculiar boy, but not half as peculiar as you would like to be. You are one ofthose who sit up late and smoke borrowed cigarettes and take a glass of plain soda in the morning to clear the head, you know. A sort of universal genius, just crowded to death with lite- rary work, with just a moment to sit down and scribble off a number of the Tiger, or a play for the Whig Hall Theat- ricals. But you shouldn't loaf around all next day telling about how much you have to do, and how you don't do it.