Princeton University - Nassau Herald Yearbook (Princeton, NJ)

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THE NABSA U HERALD. 19 big, nice, heavy, fat crew was too absurd! The whole trouble was this: The Captain is a very gallant man. Close be- hind the boats at the start was a tug crowded with ladies. It was a very slow tug, and the boats were rapidly leaving it. Cf course the Captain was too polite to deprive the ladies of a view of the race, and to leave such a crowd of females alone and un- protected. For thoughts of pirates twith which the Schuylkill -swarmsQ,lvisions of distressed damsels sold into slavery to the barbarous Turks, rushed over him. He stopped, waited for the tug, and gallantly escorted it to a place of safety. That day not a woman was lost, kidnapped or stolen 5 not a pirate dared show his head. Thus,politeness.won the day, but Pennsylvania won the race. Yet had Mac acted differently, he knew we never Would have forgiven him. This year I am happy to state that a very fast tug has been engaged for the occasion, and it will start ahead of the boats at the' rate of armile a minute, and-well, we shall see what we shall' see. In the meantime, take these me- mentoes., Now here's a Captain who hasn' t been so generally noted for his politeness, at least not until a.fter that day when he stalked into the library with his hat pulled down over his ears, and was asked by the sweetly-smiling chief librarian if he were not from the West ?', Judge, expecting some grand compliment, proudly answered that he was. Then to his amazement the librarian only said, Ah! I thought so. Gentlemen from the East take off their hats in a place like this. That hat came oil, and Judge, thoroughly disgusted, hurried out of the library, vowing he would never go there again. Since then things have changed wonderfully. I know not how it came about, but now Judge spends all his time in and around the library, and takes off his hat as soon as he comes in sight of that building. Indeed, Judge, you've greatly improved, and all you need now, to enable you to reach perfection, is to diligently peruse this little book, whose title, in some parts of the West, is pronounced etteek, and in other parts ettfilcettee-call it what you please, only read it. This is the great Massie-a real Ohio man. Not only do we all love him for that, but we admire also his reckless, dare-devil

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18 THE NASSAU HERALD. the back-stop in the snob base-ball ground. Yet from this list I must really exclude Guillon, who should have picked the crew, played third base on the nine, and taken heaps of prizes, as he no doubt would have, had he only roomed in Northeast. Of course I cannot reward all these men, yet if such J ATHLETES ' a as John WVilds, lVIacLaren, Judge Horton, Poller Greene and Massey will step up, I7ll do my best for them. This is John Wilds, gymnast, physically, mentally, morally. 'His record is immense. Did he not once run three miles with the Hare and Hounds? Did he not get lost and get sick, and sleep in a barn? And didnit an old farmer bring him home next day in a spring wagon? Then, too, hasn' t John got about themost gymnastic conscience in this College? In Fresh. year, after handing in a perfect Greek paper, he meekly and quietly wentdown to the fourth division. Still later he sold his room to a confiding Junior for316.50, and when that Junior came to take possession the room contained just one wooden bracket and a U Mfugf' The amount of good advice that John scatters around during Lit. elections is equalled only by his hard luck at all other elections. His only rival, as far as pure brute strength goes, is Greene. To see these two men in the Gymnasium is in- deeda sight. VVhile John swings all the-dumb-bells at once, Greene amuses himself by putting up all the biggest Indian clubs. But their strong pointis when they are outside of the Gym. with the hammer and the shot. After much thought, I have concluded that for them I can find no more appropriate gifts than these: To John, this medal for throwing the hammer --the'tack-hammer--across his room 5 to Greene, this one for putting the shot--the buck-shot--five feet. Both, as tin' as I know, the- best-on-record scores. MacLaren was Captain and stroke of la.st year's 'Varsitxy but now pulls No. 2. Yet he didnlt come in iirst at Philadblphia last summer, but that's easily explained. His crew was thc best on the water 5 of course it was. Why, it was laughable to sec those spindle-shanked Philadelphians and those wrecks from Columbia row! The idea of their beating the Captain and his

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20 . THE NASSA-U HERALD. bravery. He claims by his courage to have saved more human lives than any other man in college. We believe it, and wish to place a few cases on record. How, in Fresh. year, when an infuriated mob of three Freshmen Qabout the size of ' Pretty J ack- sonj, returning from a horn-spree, .were about to demolish Mat. Goldie, Massie crawled boldly into the shadow of the Qbserva- tory and cried, Oh, Mr. Goldie, we're just going home. Come on, fellowsf, That, Massie, was indeed a noble act, but you outdid yourself when you led us toward the Junction, fi. e., as far as the canal. p There, I unfortunately, you heard that' the Freshmen Qwhom we were afterj were 'big fellows, were ready for us, were armed with thosepodious things called clubs, and those hateful things known as pistols, and that you would make pa splendid target. Was it nervousness ? Why did you seek the rear, and beg-the boys to do nothing rash? When at the Junc- tion you sawthe mighty Caesar Augustus Rodney Subathoo India 'Janvier prancing around, blood in his eye, murder in his heart, bad words on his lips, and his hands full of stones, you fled- no, not fled-you retreated hastily, .crawled under the platform at the freight depot, and were induced to' come out about five hours after the Freshmen had gone. Those Freshmen undoubt- edly owe their lives to you alone, for had you only led us on we would have settled their cases, but without you we were power- less. 1 Then, again, only this Winter you saw how we all suffered from the 'college choir, of which Beasley was the arch-fiend. You pitied us, and avenged our woes on Beasley. Not that you loved Beasley less, but that you loved us a hea.p more. Let us hope that he is now suffering some little of the misery he once inflicted upon us. In fact, we all owe our lives to you. Wfere these the days of chivalry we might knight you, we might even dub you a Chief of the Noble Order of D. F.'s 5 but those days are past, so you, ll have to content yourself with the lite-saving medal of the Humane Society, for having on so many ocousioiis taken such great care of the life of David M. Massie. While we're on these melancholy tnemes you might as well seo t GIST BLAIR. Those of you who have tears to shed will please hit hor up and