Plymouth High School - Pilgrim Yearbook (Plymouth, MA)

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24 THE PILGRIM SLANTS ON SENIORS The Senior who is: A Freshman's meat--Robert Martin Quiet as a mouse-Howard Holmes The fastest talker-Phyllis Smith The slowest talker-Bertha Bouchard The most athletic girl-Augusta Cap- p-ella The most athletic boy-Ralph Goodwin The class Romeo-Warren Sampson The class flirt-Elizabeth Wood The highest skyscraper-Herbert Sur- rey Tarzan of the Apes-Harry Burns Our Walt Disney-Dorothy Perkins The budding Romeo-Harold Clark Sleepiest-Robert Rock A one-man girl-Rita Cash Shy but intent--Olindo Borghesani Durante's rival-Frances Caldera The whistling paper boy--George Far- nell The best giggler-Emma Paul Oh, so happy fa sophomore?J-Francis Lavache All for Marge-- Boof Riddell The seniors who are: The smoothest dancing couple - Sev- erina Zammarchi and Warren Samp- son Canoeing experts? - August Gomes and William MacPhail The cutest couple-Alton Cavicchi and Bernice Corrow The worst pests-Harvey Barke and Barbara Bennett The class skyscrapers-Gilbert An- drews. John Anderson, David Brewer, and Thomas Callahan The Senior who has: The bluest eyes-Romayne Wendergren Such beautiful locks-Charles Ryan Petite feet--Irene Golden Red-head blues-Ruth Gardner Harlow-troubles-Jeannette Martin A yen for J ack Holt -Marion Zandi TREBOR THE GREAT Attention, all creatures of this solar system! This is Z-131629-V-13, thir- teen million, six hundred forty-five thousand, three hundred and thirteenth lieutenant of His Imperial Eminence. Trebor the Great, and exalted ruler of Sirius, Canopus, Alpha Centauri, Vega, Capella, Arcturus, Rigel, Procyon, Achernar, Beta Centauri, Betelguese, Altair, Alpha Crucis, Aldebaran, Pol- lux, Spica, Antares, Tomalbaut, Deneb, and Regulus fstars of the first magni- tudej broadcasting to the inhabitants of those insignificant planets of Mars, Venus, Jupiter, Saturn, and that unciv- ilized orb called er--Terrestria-er-- Earth. This broadcast is coming direct- ly to you from the summit of Television City, Utopia, the largest metropolis of this tiny star of Bet-elguese which is located in the earthly constellation Orion, Betelguese, only 300,000,000 miles in diameter, is an extremely small governmental center, but since most of its inhabitants rule the lives of crea- tures in neighboring constellations Which are but a few billion light years away, it is by no means thickly popu- lated. All physical labor is done by ma- chinery, and the people devote them- selves entirely to supervising the de- velopment of distant planets. The interior of this star is entirely honey- combed, and the surface is roofed over with a thick covering of that living ele- ment znifckgudiak which Trebor so graciously bestowed upon his faithful subjects. The proximity of this element d-estroys all kinds of sickness and dis- ease, and even defeats death by instil- ling perpetual life in all organisms of the higher order. Trebor, himself, protects his lieutenants from all possi- ble means of d-estruction by constantly maintaining a mental control over their atomical structures, and were one blown to bits and his remains scattered in th-e far corners of the universe, Tre- bor could rebuild him accurately by duplicating his atomical structures pre- cisely from the immediate energy available in the outer void of space. Trebor was born or, rather, has been born many times, but he first cam-e into existence three hundred and ninety-two million trillion eons ago. He showed a dominating propensity toward the use of scientific equipment and soon made a great reputation for himself as a scientist at the tender age of 361. Be- friending Xythaleous, the greatest mental genius of that time, he learned many things which later proved inval- uable to him. It was Xythaleous who taught him the mental control of his own atomic structure, and when the reptile men of a neighboring group of satellites invaded his world, he became instrumental in annihilating them since he feared no death. During the war which followed the invasion, Trebor was placed in charg-e of an expedition which destroyed completely the very satellites which these grotesque mon-

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THE PILGRIM 25 sters inhabited, but upon returning home he was chagrined to find that Xythaleous, his parents, and half the population of the entire star had been killed by a dreadful meteoric plague that was still ravaging their solar sys- tem. Drawing feverishly upon his vast store of superhuman knowledge, Trebor sought protection against this deadly demon of destruction, and after twenty- five years of endless research work he discovered znifckgudiak, presenting his people with the secret of everlasting life. In gratitude they swore allegiance to him and vowed they would make him ruler of the universe. In six hundred and thirty-four mil- lion years they had subdued and united eighty-five million seven hundred and forty-five hundred thousand billion stars in their first immediate magnitude and countless others in ninety-eight other magnitudes. Each of these stars now sends one-fourth of its entire pop- ulation to serve in Trebor's Imperial Armada which patrols the entire uni- verse and assists in the construction of artificial planets which help absorb the excessive population of these worlds which have shown themselves civilized and deserving of the perpetual life and perfect government which Trebor af- fords his subjects. Trebor spends a number of years upon each of those plan-ets which he eventually hopes to annex, and it was only sixty-five thousand years ago that Algol was added to his glorious king- dom and I, Z-131629-V-13, was en- trusted with the lives of countless tril- lions of creatures. Although Trebor had conquered ev- ery difficulty that had ever impeded the progress of his universal empire and even attained immortality, he apparent- ly undertook the impossible when he re- fused to destroy the ignorant earthly inhabitants, but decided to develop their civilization, or lack of civilization, to newer and greater heighths. It was on August twentieth in the Earthly Year 1916 that Trebor Nick Ieak Trekgure Regkc Aeiz Mekgzk, Trebor N itram for short, made his debut on the humble sphere called Earth. Since it was the custom of the inhabitants to do every- thing opposite from the correct method, Trebor Nitram hereby reversed the spelling of his name, crawled into the puny shells of a monkey-like creature called man, and began his career as an Earthling. At present he has spent over seventeen monotonous years upon this hopeless subject, and this inter-celes- trial hookup is mainly to enable him to give specific orders for the maintain- ance of his ever-expanding universe for the next 25,000 years to come. Well, will you look what's here! Folks, it's the strangest monstrosity Betelguese has ever known! It's . . . T R E B O R in the guise of an Earth- ling!!!... Greetings, salutations, and what have you. Folks, this is your own little ruler Trebor himself in the fiesh, and am I glad to be here or am I not? That little place called Earth is some little joint, but is it gay or is it gay? Oh! Z-13, you are to have indirect charge of the universe for the next 25,000 years, and there are but a few simple things to do. In my spare time I have made a few calculations and find that only one-tenth of our universe has been united, and that the entire uni- verse is but an atom of a higher order of elements. You are to complete the annexation of all space available in our own universe, and to launch success- fully the invasion of other universes so that, after my holiday on Earth is over, my empire will be over two billion times its present size. Adieu. Z-131629-V-13, in about fifty years you are to place a chap by the name of Carlo Casanova Don Romeo Guidaboni in charge of the canal project on Mars. Oh, nothing in particular, except he ran a personal column, and, when the other workers see how proficient he is at dishing the dirt, industry will be speeded up. Annie MacPhail, an estimable pal of mine, deserves only sympathy for some awful jokes he once wrote, but per- haps he will make a capable ruler for the hyena men of Alpha Centauri. Gilly certainly merits a spot in the sun, especially a SPOT! Knot a fly speckl. Mucker!' Schreiber, one of profoundest of profound wo- man-evasive males who constantly pretend they dislike the fairer sexi -in other words-darn--oops!--I mean downright prevaricators, became --er-will become the Sultan of the United Mohammedan States of North and South America and Atlantis which was misplaced for so many centuries. He will attempt to instigate a bloody revolt in the Foreign Legion of Lost Continued on page 56