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Page 79 text:
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OPEN LETTERS. EGYPT, Mar. 41st, 1897. E DEAH BILLIE POSTLE:-Aw, why, how dog but I must wait until to-morrow before I begin, as I am deucedly sleepy, so by-bye. FXVED. To-MORROW. We have not seen each other foh neawly a yeah, donchy know ! This is the most beastly wekhed place Ihave had the howid pleasure to be in since I left the M. T. S. The ownly good thing heah are the cigarettes and the donkeys, In this howid land the women wide on both sides of the mule, which looks beastly comical, by Gawge! They don't even have any Chistnut St., the vulgar cweatures ! Ihad the deucedly funniest experience the owther night, I dweamt a fellah named Bart fwell on me, and I woke up and found the roof had tumbled down, pon honah! I had a terrible hawd iight the other day, 'donchy know! They have big bugs they cawl locustsg well I gwabbed one of them fellahs by the collaw and tumped his twoat till he gwew black in the face. Aw !, say, good-byel I am utterly exhawsted Writing such a long lettah. Doctah would throw his chewing gum at me if he, ah, knew it. I take my fowth nap n-ow, so I 'must stop. FWEDDY. LONELYVILLE, U. S. MR. JULES MASTBAUM :-Since I left that jolly old place corner 17th and Wood, fortune has tugged away at me, till my clothes are about all tugged away. I went to the west fof Philaj till I came to a farm houseg the inmates were wig! demonstrative in their welcome, especially the dog, who took another tug. When ' 75
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Page 78 text:
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QE7zz'e1f Mr. Odemztij I-WV. Odenrzff. I know your thoughts. All You do. QBe!Z1'i1zgs.j Now around the washstand band, Clean the varnish off' your hand, Spil the water, wet your shoes, We meet to-night to hear the news. QE,1fezmzf.j SCENE III.-Comer. Efzfez' Zlhgi. Is! .M'czgz'. What's the racket? 2d Magz'. I know not. M 3d Mlzgi. VVho beat the games to-day? 4fh Jlfrzgi, O horror! horror! horror! Both the home-clubs are beaten. jih Jllagi. My money, which was up ! Sorrow on sorrow. O Fate, thou art cruel. All. Such is life. Ist .7Wczgz'. We meet to-night in our dream. .ed Jllzzgi. On the bank of the stream. jd fllczgi. Where the owls SC1'S31T1. 41h Jlfazgi. Where the ice-cream. A jlh Jlifagi. Where the moonlit beam. All Well, ta, ta, So long. By-bye. Remember me, to your sister. It's your turn to bring to-morrow's problem. fExezuzz'.j
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Page 80 text:
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I asked for a place to rest my big head, their faces fell 200 below zero, and they said I would have to go halves with the brute. This was not quite my idea of dreamland, so the soft side of a Hour barrel was utilized. The only trouble was its tendency to roll. You may judge from this that I did not go hungry, because you see I had fresh rolls all night, and was so full the next morning that I froze onto the clothes-line to compress my stomach in order not to feel so empty. The farmer gave me a light job in pulling a 'plow for him, as the horse was sick 5. after falling down twice and up once he became disgusted and-made me sleep on the chicken coop that night. After living on shadow soup for two days I took French leave, with a ham and a chicken in my vest pocket. Tell all the people never to run away because they have not the earth, because you hardly get a shovelful if you follow my example DAVY. JIMSONWEEDTOWN, U. S. A. 7I0fIlfZl7fE lawyers af the M YI S. 4 ' BOYS :-I went to a lawyer's office for a position and asked for 2525 a week for a starter, but the lawyer, wishing to follow the Constitution, thought we had better compromise, so we did, simply added another cipher and an insignificant little dot, making it S2.5G. My duties were comparatively light,-come at 5 o'clock in the morning and sweep up, hang out the sign, clean the windows get my breakfast in four minutes so as to be back in time to lock the door on any customer who should so far forget himself as to come in our place. Then I had to write belt ICLUQCI1 Brief and duties were over at 8 P.M., but some nights I had to sit up and watch the rats and see that they did not steal the paper-weight, and got as much as two hourssleep several nights. At the end of the' week he docked me 75c. for being, late seven seconds three times, but when he threw me a half dollar and said, That's all I have this week, my patience gave way and some- thing brokeg but it was only a burst of indignation. But I told 76
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