Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine - Synapsis Yearbook (Philadelphia, PA)

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(OPENING SONG, TUNE OF ' BRIDGE OF RIVER KWAI ' ) Look out! Here come the OMT ' s Look out! Here come those G.P. fees Look out! Oh patients look out For the D.O.s are going to stay CHORUS Once again a class is ready to go From the halls of the Oh-EmTee Just a sec, cause we really want you to know That this school is the school for me Snap ' em! It ' ll cure their ills Crack ' em! Let ' s not give them pills Look out! Oh patients look out For the D.O.s will never give way (FADE OUT) FINIS ' My left iliac crest is high ' . ■Dermographia ' ' — so I ' m stamping out disease in my own way ' . ' pardon me mister, but you have lesions on le- sions ' ' Now I went over this in class, — just show me the lateral spinothalmic tract ' . XJ i: . V 21

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Dr. Pure-voice — Gee thanks fellas, I didn ' t know you cared. (EXIT) Student 2 — This Clinical Chem is getting to me. I Can ' t seem to make it when Dr. Seig Heil calls the 8:30 PM rolls, and those tests he gives . . . Student 5 — Well I used to be a Lab Tech and when I started to learn, it was really difficult, but one day . . . (HE BREAKS INTO SONG, TUNE OF ' MARIA ' ) Urea, Urea, I just did a test for Urea Suddenly that name will never be same to me Urea, do it fast and there ' s nothing doin ' Do it slow and there ' s high normal showin Urea, I ' ll never stop thanking Urea The most beautiful test I ' ve ever seen Urea, Urea, Urea . . . (BELL RINGS) Student 1 — Well, it ' s time for Physical Diagnosis. Student 2 — Yeah! BUN and Tsutsugamushi disease. (EXIT EVERYONE WITH CURTAIN) ACT THREE, Scene One - Dean Studebaker ' s Office — Just the Dean, smiling. We decided to skip the meeting. What with approximately 60 classes, and who knows how many teachers in the third year, we just didn ' t have the space. The class is now down to 73 and pretty much stable as far as numbers go, but not too rounded as far as bottoms go, due to the time seated in class, ie those that came. OIlie Hankin is still sleeping, he ' ll continue to sleep until lunch time. I see John Waterloo is reading a gun book. Shelly the night-fighter is throw- ing a raisin at Mike the profile. Tuttie-fruitie is telling Charlie Brown that his new shoes have got to go, they just are not with it. Norm Worm is slipping down to see what ' s doing on the other floors. He knows everything that goes on around here. Oh-Oh, there goes the lunch bell. ACT THREE, Scene Two CLASSROOM - STUDENTS MILLING AROUND Student 1 — I counted 6,432 ' If you wills ' , so I win the pool. Student 2 — No sir, he said, ' This closes the class, if you will ' , therefore the last ' if you will ' doesn ' t count, because it came after the class was closed. Students 3,4,5,6 — Hey, everybody move, this is where we play pinochle. Student 1 — Don ' t you guys ever do anything but play pinochle? Student 3 — What else can a person do around here, we have to relax someway. STUDENTS SING TO TUNE OF ' 16 TONS ' Some people say a man is made of mud A Med student ' s made out of muscle and blood Muscle and blood, skin and bone, a mind that crams and a bottom that ' s strong CHORUS You ' re given too many courses and what d ' ya get Another year older and deeper in debt. Dear teachers don ' t flunk me, cause i can ' t go I ' ve sold my soul to PCO. I came here one morning in a yellow cab Picked up my books and I walked to the Lab I knew 60 pages of Anatomy cold and the instructor said, well you got me sold. Student 3 — Hey guys, it ' s ten after and the lecturer is coming down the hall. (CURTAIN) ACT FOUR, HOSPITAL -A white jacketed Externe is talking on the telephone. Externe — Yeah Honey, sure honey, aw baby, you know 1 can ' t get off duty. No sweetie I just don ' t want to get someone to cover me again — But baby, just think it ' ll soon be over . . . EXTERNE SINGS TO TUNE OF ' SEPTEMBER SONG ' For it ' s a long long time From three to eleven But it ' s longer still when it ' s seven to seven And these crazy hours turns your life to rote without even strength for a happy note But the days dwindle down to a precious few September, November and these few precious days ' til June one three these precious days may be the death of me. (FADE OUT) STUDENTS MILLING AROUND ON EMPTY STAGE Student 1 — Well, I guess we made it. Student 2 — June 13, 3:30 PM — It took four long hard sweaty years, and yet in a way I ' m sad it ' s over. Student 3 — Are you crazy? Student 2 — No! You think about it awhile, even the prisoner of Chillon was sad to leave his prison, and he had it a lot worse than we did. Student 4 — The prisoner of who? Student 2 - Oh forget it! Student 4 — Shhhh! here comes the procession, gradua- tion is starting. (FADE OUT WITH MUSIC) 20

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A PCO Picnic. The starting point for the ' Couples 100 yard Dash, ' and the baby carriage is first prize. No Kopecki, I don ' t own the place, I just have the soda concession. Where can I get him a bottle of milk now? 22