Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine - Synapsis Yearbook (Philadelphia, PA)

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Dr. Pure-voice — Gee thanks fellas, I didn ' t know you cared. (EXIT) Student 2 — This Clinical Chem is getting to me. I Can ' t seem to make it when Dr. Seig Heil calls the 8:30 PM rolls, and those tests he gives . . . Student 5 — Well I used to be a Lab Tech and when I started to learn, it was really difficult, but one day . . . (HE BREAKS INTO SONG, TUNE OF ' MARIA ' ) Urea, Urea, I just did a test for Urea Suddenly that name will never be same to me Urea, do it fast and there ' s nothing doin ' Do it slow and there ' s high normal showin Urea, I ' ll never stop thanking Urea The most beautiful test I ' ve ever seen Urea, Urea, Urea . . . (BELL RINGS) Student 1 — Well, it ' s time for Physical Diagnosis. Student 2 — Yeah! BUN and Tsutsugamushi disease. (EXIT EVERYONE WITH CURTAIN) ACT THREE, Scene One - Dean Studebaker ' s Office — Just the Dean, smiling. We decided to skip the meeting. What with approximately 60 classes, and who knows how many teachers in the third year, we just didn ' t have the space. The class is now down to 73 and pretty much stable as far as numbers go, but not too rounded as far as bottoms go, due to the time seated in class, ie those that came. OIlie Hankin is still sleeping, he ' ll continue to sleep until lunch time. I see John Waterloo is reading a gun book. Shelly the night-fighter is throw- ing a raisin at Mike the profile. Tuttie-fruitie is telling Charlie Brown that his new shoes have got to go, they just are not with it. Norm Worm is slipping down to see what ' s doing on the other floors. He knows everything that goes on around here. Oh-Oh, there goes the lunch bell. ACT THREE, Scene Two CLASSROOM - STUDENTS MILLING AROUND Student 1 — I counted 6,432 ' If you wills ' , so I win the pool. Student 2 — No sir, he said, ' This closes the class, if you will ' , therefore the last ' if you will ' doesn ' t count, because it came after the class was closed. Students 3,4,5,6 — Hey, everybody move, this is where we play pinochle. Student 1 — Don ' t you guys ever do anything but play pinochle? Student 3 — What else can a person do around here, we have to relax someway. STUDENTS SING TO TUNE OF ' 16 TONS ' Some people say a man is made of mud A Med student ' s made out of muscle and blood Muscle and blood, skin and bone, a mind that crams and a bottom that ' s strong CHORUS You ' re given too many courses and what d ' ya get Another year older and deeper in debt. Dear teachers don ' t flunk me, cause i can ' t go I ' ve sold my soul to PCO. I came here one morning in a yellow cab Picked up my books and I walked to the Lab I knew 60 pages of Anatomy cold and the instructor said, well you got me sold. Student 3 — Hey guys, it ' s ten after and the lecturer is coming down the hall. (CURTAIN) ACT FOUR, HOSPITAL -A white jacketed Externe is talking on the telephone. Externe — Yeah Honey, sure honey, aw baby, you know 1 can ' t get off duty. No sweetie I just don ' t want to get someone to cover me again — But baby, just think it ' ll soon be over . . . EXTERNE SINGS TO TUNE OF ' SEPTEMBER SONG ' For it ' s a long long time From three to eleven But it ' s longer still when it ' s seven to seven And these crazy hours turns your life to rote without even strength for a happy note But the days dwindle down to a precious few September, November and these few precious days ' til June one three these precious days may be the death of me. (FADE OUT) STUDENTS MILLING AROUND ON EMPTY STAGE Student 1 — Well, I guess we made it. Student 2 — June 13, 3:30 PM — It took four long hard sweaty years, and yet in a way I ' m sad it ' s over. Student 3 — Are you crazy? Student 2 — No! You think about it awhile, even the prisoner of Chillon was sad to leave his prison, and he had it a lot worse than we did. Student 4 — The prisoner of who? Student 2 - Oh forget it! Student 4 — Shhhh! here comes the procession, gradua- tion is starting. (FADE OUT WITH MUSIC) 20

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are such good tools, that they ' re almost getting to me. Oh Etiquette It ' s ecstacy, It ' s heavenly (HE SUDDENLY STOPS SHORT) Well it does behoove everyone to act as a mature individual. (EXIT AND CURTAIN) ACT TWO, Scene One Dean Studebaker ' s Office — Present are the Drs. Anat- omy, Physiology, Toby Armor, Symptomotology, Ruth and Greenie. Dean — (smiling) — While last year didn ' t completely de- molish the class of ' 65, we must admit that a chop down to 75 is pretty good. Now what about their second year here? Dr. Physiology — (medium height, stocky man carrying a brief case, smoking a pipe and wearing a mous- tache) — Bear in mind that the first trimester of my class is already over. I must admit though that this class has some masterful kymograph forgers. One boy attached the writing electrode to a dissecting needle and . . . Dean — (smiling) — We can discuss kymograph forging later Dr. Physiology. Dr. Anatomy, after your ex- tremely good showing, especially in the third tri- mester of last year, what do you think about this new year? Dr. Anatomy — Weeeelll This year we hand OMT to them and I have Dr. Pure-voice and Dr. Slimnick to teach them. No more need be said, I think. Dr. Toby Armor — (a short fat man in a long coat wear- ing glasses and short cropped hair) — Dean Stude- baker, do you think I could have a stool? When I stand behind the desk I can ' t be seen. It ' s bad enough I have to use a microphone to speak to the students but . . . Dean — (smiling) — Dr. Toby Armor, would you please speak more slowly, louder, and stop faltering — If you want to say something, say it. Dr. Toby Armor — I think I ' ll get a glass of water! (EXIT DR. TOBY ARMOR) Dr. Symptomotology — (tall man with glasses and a moustache, holding his right hand over his mouth) — HhhrumphI Well I think that this class should memo- rize all the symptoms of all the diseases, Hhhrumph! Then maybe we ' ll have time, Hhhrumph, to teach them to take a good history. Dr. Greenie — (Slight man with big pipe in mouth, a white coat, glasses and moustache)— I ' m going to have them memorize the Path book. Dr. Ruth — Good for you, Greenie! Dean — (smiling) — They ' ll be getting a lot of new courses this year. ALL JOIN IN SONG TO TUNE OF, ' WE AINT GOT DAMES ' We got Path and we got Surgery We got Neuro and Bac-Tee We got Physio and OB and lots of OMT We got Psych and Peds and rumors and other fancy names What aint we got, we aint got . . . (ALL LOOK TO THE DEAN) - Hey, what aint we got Dean Studebaker? Dean — (smiling) — We got everything. (CURTAIN) ACT TWO, Scene Two - STUDENTS GIVING OMT ' S IN THE AUDITORIUM. Student 1 - Get it! Got it! Good! Student 2 — Yeah we got it good alright — we had classes and labs and more classes. I think I have a square bottom. Student 3 — Wait until next year. Student 4 — Hey, get your thumb out of my spine. Student 3 — I ' m only trying to get you locked. Student 4 — Locked! you ' re crippling me. Student 1 — Oh!Oh! Here comes Dr. Pure-voice. Dr. Pure-voice — That ' s not the way to correct him, let me show you this position. — toes in — elbows out — knees out — rear out — semi crouch — hands in (EDITOR ' S NOTE-DONT TRY IT) Did I ever tell you my experience with a duck? All Students — Did you ever tell us. Why Doc we even have a ballad in your honor. STUDENTS SING TO TUNE OF THE FOX ON THE TOWN-OH ' Doc Pure-voice went out on the call one nite prayed to the moon to give him light He had many, many backs to crack that nite Before he reached his home-oh,home-oh,home-oh Many, many backs to crack that nite Before he reached his home-oh He drove and he drove til he came to a pen where the cows and ducks were kept there-in He cracked them good with a big big grin Before he reached his home-oh, home-oh, home-oh. cracked their backs with a big big grin Before he reached his home-oh The cow got off his rump rolled on his back with a thump crying. Doc give me a lymphatic pump Before you reach your home-oh, home-oh, home-oh Doc give me a lymphatic pump Before you reach your home-oh. 19

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(OPENING SONG, TUNE OF ' BRIDGE OF RIVER KWAI ' ) Look out! Here come the OMT ' s Look out! Here come those G.P. fees Look out! Oh patients look out For the D.O.s are going to stay CHORUS Once again a class is ready to go From the halls of the Oh-EmTee Just a sec, cause we really want you to know That this school is the school for me Snap ' em! It ' ll cure their ills Crack ' em! Let ' s not give them pills Look out! Oh patients look out For the D.O.s will never give way (FADE OUT) FINIS ' My left iliac crest is high ' . ■Dermographia ' ' — so I ' m stamping out disease in my own way ' . ' pardon me mister, but you have lesions on le- sions ' ' Now I went over this in class, — just show me the lateral spinothalmic tract ' . XJ i: . V 21