Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine - Synapsis Yearbook (Philadelphia, PA)

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A History of the Class of 1965 in Four Acts OPEN WITH A SONG THAT IS SUNG TO THE TUNE OF ' BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI . Stanza — Look out! Here come the OMT ' s. Look out! Here come those G. P. fees. Look out! Oh patients look out, For the D.O. ' s are going to stay Chorus — Once again a class is ready to go, from the halls of the Oh-EmTee. Just a sec, cause we really want you to know That this school was the school for me. Stanza — Snap ' em! It ' ll cure their ills. Crack ' em! Let ' s never give them pills Look out! Oh patients look out For the D.O. ' s will never give way (FADE OUT) ACT ONE, Scene One Dean Studebaker ' s Office Seated around a large shiny conference table are the Dean and Drs. Anatomy, Tremendjus, Seig Heil and Bullet Head. Dean Studebaker — (smiling) — We ' ve enrolled 93 stu- dents for the class of ' 65, but some drop-outs must be expected. Dr. Anatomy — (small-boned man, wearing glasses, pants riding low, abdomen protruding over his belt, rolling a cigarette in the fingers of his right hand) — The key word for the first year should be Pressure. Sur- prise exams, impossible reading assignments, oral quizzes, incredibly complex lectures and so on. Dr. Tremendjus — (long thin man with hair parted in the middle, with a deep resonant voice) — TREMEND- JUS. Dr. Seig Heil — (medium height, heavy man in a black suit, bow tie, white shirt and bowler hat) — Perhaps short hikes to German marching songs, eeehh Doc- tors? Perhaps we can teach them to tan leather and make lampshades. Dr. Bullet Head — (small sized man, wearing glasses, and bald as a bean) — My plan is to give them an illus- trious group of Biochemists to lecture, ignore the textbook, and then finishing the course off with a winner of an exam, and no curve what-so-ever. Dr. Tremendjus — Tremendjus! Dean — (smiling) — So we ' re decided then, the students will be given a strong highly pressured first year with lots and lots of exams. Everyone — Yes! Lots and lots of exams. ACT ONE, Scene Two A corridor in front of Parasitology Lab. Student 1 — I can ' t get over how they know when to throw an exam. That one right after the student dance was wicked. Student 2 — Yes, 14 guys didn ' t even show, and Galen Old Jr. walked in with a date. I was still bombed and could hardly read the questions, and Dr. Anat- omy walks over, smiles and says ' the phantom strikes again ' . Student 3 — Remember when he caught John Waterloo standing on the toilet bowl doing an impersonation of him? Student 1 — John said he was looking to see if he was locked in. Student 4 — He caught M. Gary sneaking out early one day, stopped, nodded his head and said, ' some peo- ple just don ' t have any luck. ' Student 2 — How about old Bullet Head ' s exam? The only thing I was sure of was my name, and after looking the exam over I was so rattled, I misspelled that. Student 3 — I still wonder who the Mad Stamper was. He sure stamped an impression on the whole school. Student 1 — Boy! It was something to behold, when it first started the rounds — nothing was safe. They even found it behind the cooler in Bac-Tee. Student 4 — Uh-Oh! Here comes Jim Behooves the class chairman. Jim Behooves — Gentlemen, it behooves you not to stand in the hallways, it makes a bad impression for our class and it is a sign of immaturity: not only that, but when I was in the Navy (STUDENTS EXIT) Gen- tlemen, Oh Gentlemen — I wonder why they walked away? Oh well, they have very bad manners. JIM SINGS A SONG TO TUNE OF ' JEALOUSY ' . Etiquette, What is right you can ' t forget, I sometimes want to, But it ' s something I can not do. Can it be Only a malady? It ' s something bad I know To ever think so. My giving in would be sin, . So it ' s good I ' m going to be. My Navy rules.

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L Class Offi icers LeRoy I. Sykes — Treasurer James J. Davis — President Eva F. S. JasinskI — Secretary Thomas H. Henderson — Vice President 17

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are such good tools, that they ' re almost getting to me. Oh Etiquette It ' s ecstacy, It ' s heavenly (HE SUDDENLY STOPS SHORT) Well it does behoove everyone to act as a mature individual. (EXIT AND CURTAIN) ACT TWO, Scene One Dean Studebaker ' s Office — Present are the Drs. Anat- omy, Physiology, Toby Armor, Symptomotology, Ruth and Greenie. Dean — (smiling) — While last year didn ' t completely de- molish the class of ' 65, we must admit that a chop down to 75 is pretty good. Now what about their second year here? Dr. Physiology — (medium height, stocky man carrying a brief case, smoking a pipe and wearing a mous- tache) — Bear in mind that the first trimester of my class is already over. I must admit though that this class has some masterful kymograph forgers. One boy attached the writing electrode to a dissecting needle and . . . Dean — (smiling) — We can discuss kymograph forging later Dr. Physiology. Dr. Anatomy, after your ex- tremely good showing, especially in the third tri- mester of last year, what do you think about this new year? Dr. Anatomy — Weeeelll This year we hand OMT to them and I have Dr. Pure-voice and Dr. Slimnick to teach them. No more need be said, I think. Dr. Toby Armor — (a short fat man in a long coat wear- ing glasses and short cropped hair) — Dean Stude- baker, do you think I could have a stool? When I stand behind the desk I can ' t be seen. It ' s bad enough I have to use a microphone to speak to the students but . . . Dean — (smiling) — Dr. Toby Armor, would you please speak more slowly, louder, and stop faltering — If you want to say something, say it. Dr. Toby Armor — I think I ' ll get a glass of water! (EXIT DR. TOBY ARMOR) Dr. Symptomotology — (tall man with glasses and a moustache, holding his right hand over his mouth) — HhhrumphI Well I think that this class should memo- rize all the symptoms of all the diseases, Hhhrumph! Then maybe we ' ll have time, Hhhrumph, to teach them to take a good history. Dr. Greenie — (Slight man with big pipe in mouth, a white coat, glasses and moustache)— I ' m going to have them memorize the Path book. Dr. Ruth — Good for you, Greenie! Dean — (smiling) — They ' ll be getting a lot of new courses this year. ALL JOIN IN SONG TO TUNE OF, ' WE AINT GOT DAMES ' We got Path and we got Surgery We got Neuro and Bac-Tee We got Physio and OB and lots of OMT We got Psych and Peds and rumors and other fancy names What aint we got, we aint got . . . (ALL LOOK TO THE DEAN) - Hey, what aint we got Dean Studebaker? Dean — (smiling) — We got everything. (CURTAIN) ACT TWO, Scene Two - STUDENTS GIVING OMT ' S IN THE AUDITORIUM. Student 1 - Get it! Got it! Good! Student 2 — Yeah we got it good alright — we had classes and labs and more classes. I think I have a square bottom. Student 3 — Wait until next year. Student 4 — Hey, get your thumb out of my spine. Student 3 — I ' m only trying to get you locked. Student 4 — Locked! you ' re crippling me. Student 1 — Oh!Oh! Here comes Dr. Pure-voice. Dr. Pure-voice — That ' s not the way to correct him, let me show you this position. — toes in — elbows out — knees out — rear out — semi crouch — hands in (EDITOR ' S NOTE-DONT TRY IT) Did I ever tell you my experience with a duck? All Students — Did you ever tell us. Why Doc we even have a ballad in your honor. STUDENTS SING TO TUNE OF THE FOX ON THE TOWN-OH ' Doc Pure-voice went out on the call one nite prayed to the moon to give him light He had many, many backs to crack that nite Before he reached his home-oh,home-oh,home-oh Many, many backs to crack that nite Before he reached his home-oh He drove and he drove til he came to a pen where the cows and ducks were kept there-in He cracked them good with a big big grin Before he reached his home-oh, home-oh, home-oh. cracked their backs with a big big grin Before he reached his home-oh The cow got off his rump rolled on his back with a thump crying. Doc give me a lymphatic pump Before you reach your home-oh, home-oh, home-oh Doc give me a lymphatic pump Before you reach your home-oh. 19