Petaluma High School - Trojans Yearbook (Petaluma, CA)

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SPEEDO - RAYMAKER ,S d a e s y S v 5 a d e 3 d 1 ACT I. Scene: Laboratory. (Brown, writing at table on chemistry note-book, Mills working. ) Mills: Oh, I don’t know how to do this stuff. Do you Brown? Brown: Huh? Mills: Do you know what you are do¬ ing? Brown: Huh? (writing busily). Mills: Do you know what you are try¬ ing to make? Brow r n: No. Mills: Say, Brown, wrhat in the dick¬ ens are you so grouchy about? Browrn: (in an aggrieved tone): Mills, you seem to like chemistry. Isn’t it bad enough to have to labor two periods a day with dope like this without having to stay an hour after school, when we ought to be out training for the A. A. L. indoor meet? (disgustedly) O, ginger! (They work in silence.) Mills: Say, Brown, do you think the Athenians at the time of Pericles were more civilized than the most advanced na¬ tions of today? Brown: (writing busily): Huh? Mills: (Repeats question very dis¬ tinctly.) Brown: I don’t know. For the love of Mike, let me alone, will you! Mills: They had better athletes. Brown: (with interest): No siree, they didn’t. Look-a-here. It took that guy four hours and tw r enty-three minute to run a Marathon. I could beat that my¬ self. They never even dreamt of pole- vaults or hurdles, and as for sprinters they didn’t have any, why they couldn’t even beat “Babe Adams.’’ Mills: But, Brown—! Brown: Oh, go on, you can’t talk to me; they didn’t even have spiked shoes. Why, they were as bad as Brunson, they didn’t even have track suits. Is that civil¬ ization? (Both work at chemistry.) Mills: The Greeks invented chemistry, didn’t they? Brown: Did they? I thought Miss Daniels did. Mills: Did you hear what Mr. Singer said about that dope they used to have, but lost the recipe for making? Brown: What dope? Mills: That stuff that Pericles invent¬ ed to put on balky mules. All you had to do was to put it on a thing and, gee, how it would go. Brown: Oh, shut up. Mills: Low in the dickens am I to do this unless I can find theH O. Brown: What’s H O? 2 Mills: That’s what I don’t know. 1 can’t find it. Brown: Why don’t you put this dope in? Mills: Ail right. I’ll put this in, too. Brown: Try this. PHS6 Mills: All right give me that stuff over there. (They put in bottle after bottle, grow¬ ing more and more excited. Mills grabs a stick and stirs contents of bowl. Lay3 stick down and it begins to move.) Mills: Look at that stick. Brown: Gee. (They both stare. Mills runs after stick, brings it back and lays it down.) Mills: (examining stick): Now what the dickens do you suppose is the matter with that stick? Foot note: This play was written and presented by members of the school. 5

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P. H. S. ENTERPRISE ’ll announcer bellowed thru the megaphone. Out upon the track a half dozen Petaluma boys were pleading with the clerk of the course. But alas, he too was from Santa Rosa. He couldn’t find anything in tho rules that said a race might be held for a contestant, who did not appear at third call. Up in the grandstand a purple and white bedecked girl tightly held on to the grandstand and answered in monosyl¬ lables the very engaging talk of the young man from Santa Rosa. “Come on your mark!” the long row of white clad figures waiting for the pistol. Then the Petalu¬ ma girl suddenly discovered that she had a great thirst. The ever obliging Santa Rosa boy dashed under the grandstand hoping to get a bottle of soda water and be back by the time the race started. The Petaluma girl waited until he was out of sight. Then she dashed down and said a few hasty words to the Petaluma yell leader, “Burton is in the old well!” The news spread like wild fi re thru the grandstand. The starter paused with his pistol in the air. In ten seconds every person in the grandstand was crowding about the old well. Of course Burton won the mile. How could he lose, w ' hen everyone in th ? grandstand (except a few from Santa Rosa,) w as rooting for him. They carried him off the field on their shoulders while the Petaluma yell leader was busy ex¬ plaining to a young man from Santa Rosa how he just happened to hear a muffled cry for help coming from the old well, and recognized it as Burton’s voice. Harry Brown. Our New Teacher When we returned to high school, .After our vacation day, We found our dear Miss Perkins, Had left and gone away. So the board of education, A substitute did find, In Miss de Laguna, A miss of learned mind. With Latin derivations. She kept our brain awhirl; In Botany Charlotte couldn’t see the question, And didn’t know w’hat to do; So she tipped her chair far over, Just to get a better view. But the chair kept on tipping. Tipping, slipping, sliding o’er; Till with a crash res unding, She did land upon the floor, And introduced us to the dictionary, As a very precious pearl. Five weeks she lingered with us, lill in Greek and Latin we were learned; But Alas! our Senior English, I fear was sadly spurned. But now we are quite happy, Because a teacher has been found; Who instead of ancient languages, Teaches English clear and sound. Examination Or did the floor hit her? Whichever of the two it was, It did make quite a stir. Then with a f ace quite crimson, She sprang quickly to her feet; With tingling ears and aching limbs, She silently took her seat. 24

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P. H. S. ENTERPRISE E ' ll Brown: Maybe it’s that miscellaneous brew we‘re mixing. Mills: By gum, I’m going to find out. (Splashes some on the chairs with a stick. The chairs move. ) Brown: It is; it is. By Jove, but we’re some inventors. Mills: I’ll bet it’s the same dope that Pericles used on his mule. Say, what shall we name it? Brown: Let’s call it Speedo-Raymaker, he’s always drinking the rub down. Mills: (cautiously approaches the mix¬ ture and holds a dipperful aloft) Say, I wonder if it will work on mules. Brown, I’ll try it on you. (Throws it on Brown who rushes off R.) Mills: Three cheers for us. That’s the stuff. We’ve found the dope that Per¬ icles discovered. Oh, but we’re some. Curtain. ACT II. (Brown, Mills, Raymaker and Brunson in the dressing room. Brunson: Is this our dressing-room? Mills: Oh, what a joint for a dressing- room. Brown: Is this a fit place to house the future champion track team of the west? Can we condescend to dress in this lowly portion of the Auditorium annex? Here Brunson, sit on this suitcase before it runs away with itself. Where’s that boob of a freshman, Adams? Mills: I don’t know. We left him over on Market street rubbering in at the show-windows. We tried to bring him along with us, but every time he saw a building more than six stories high he had to turn around and rubber and he’d say,“ Gee, ain’t that a whopper?” and then someone would bump into him and Adams would turn around to see who it was, and then someone else would hit him. Adams wasn’t making any progress along Market street and besides he was queering the bunch, so we dropped him. Brown: Gee, if Adams doesn’t get here we’re out of five points, you know, with Speedo-Raymaker he’s just as valu¬ able as anyone. We’ve got 15 minutes be¬ fore the race I guess I’ll go look for him before the race. (Brown rushes off and runs into Adams just entering with his arms full of bun¬ dles.) Brown: Hully gee, fresh, what have you got there? Adams: Oh, here you are, I had an awful time finding you. Just look at all the stuff I bought. I’m going to take it all home to Petaluma. I’m going to make some money when I get home. Brown: How? Adams: Oh, just look at this great big chunk of gold a fellow sold me for six-bits. He said it would be worth $7,- 000 anywhere. The only reason the guy sold to me was because he couldn’t get it changed into ready money here in San Francisco and he had to have money to pay his carfare to Emeryville tonight or else his old dad would disinherit him. (They all laugh.) Brunson: Give me that brick, Fresh. Adams: I’m afraid to trust you with it. Brunson: Give it to me, I say. (Adams meekly hands over the brick. Brunson examines it and breaks it in two.) Raymaker: Who did you think that guy was, Santa Claus? Adams: O my, I thought it was gold. Raymaker: O you poor boob. Brown: Oh, don’t josh him, fellows. What can you expect of a freshman? Mills: Gee Whillikens! What ' s this bottle? Adams: It’s for the chickens. The guy said it would make chickens lay two eggs every day. I got tha t bottle for fifty cents. (Raymaker reads name.) Brown: Ditch that junk, will you? Here come the Lowell fellows; it will queer the whole bunch.