Paxton High School - Reflector Yearbook (Paxton, IL)

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19 Paxton High School Reflector MR. R.: Yes, our furnace is defective. But now, Miss Ka.ie, I want you to meet my daughter, Rosalind. KATIE (promptly extending her hand): Sure it's pla .ed to meet yez, 1 am Miss Rode, and indade it’s meself was thinkin’ ’twouli be great to work in the home of so foine a lady. ROSIE (smiling): 1 know mother will be delighted to have so pleas- ant a maid. Oh! Why, -good evening Professor Dood.e. (Prof. Doodle has been standing the while in .he doorway arrang.rg his tie and brushing imaginary dust from his coat. He now advances gingerly and, with a precise bow, says.) PROF. D.: Ah! Good evening, Miss Rosie. MR. R. (offering the Prof a chair): To be sure, to be sure, I forgot to tell you, Rosie. To celeorate the occasion, l brought the professor home to dinner. ROSIE (murmurs sweetly): So glad to have you. Professor. PROF. D. (addressing Rone aside): A most remarkable woman! my dear Miss Rosalind most remarkable! 1 assure you my attempts to keep her in the hall were futile. But you. Ah. you will pardon me for speaking thus, but you know I never understood the daughters of Eve, especially those of old Erin. KATIE (turning upon him): Sure, an’ it’s mcsalf that never under- stood the sons of Adam, especially those of old An gland, an' indade if it wasn't that I had so many cousins depindin' on me ter a l.v.ng I’d be over there now fightin’ for the blissed country. (Picks up her basket and marches toward the kitchen.) (Prof. Doodle looks both surprised and mot tiffed, swallows, arranges his tie. crosses his feet twice saying): ‘‘Pooh, Pooh, Pooh, Pooh. ENTER JACK (tosses his cap to the ceding exclaiming): Darn it all. I'm fired! ALL: Fired? Jack! JACK: Yes! That old nut down at the office thinks I use entirely too much slang. ROSIE: Oh Jack I always said— JACK: Oh Gee, Sis! den’t begin to lecture. I've had enough of that for one day. Did you ever hear anything so dinged crazy. Thu. oid ga ook's been figerin’ on puttin’ one over on the office bunch for a coon’s age. toddling around the office with the face of a bear. Well, today he gave me the cold stare and seme hot gab. and I grabbed my lid, said, ‘ so long, old top. and beat it. MR. R. (rising and patting his son's shoulder): Well, that’s a shame son. That reminds me, today 1 heard the bunch at the office saying something about English. ROSIE: Why Daddy, don't you know this is better English Year? JACK: Well, what in the deuce is that for? ROSIE: Why. a year in which we should try to improve our English and try to omit the use of so much slang. And Daddy? MR. R.: Yes, dear? ROSIE: I have just thot of a little plan. Why couldn't I write an arti- cle for “The Advance.” MR. R : Great idea, girlie. The old paper needs a little boosting. I'll be glad to have it as scon as it’s written. (Angeline enters.) ANGELINE: Hi, Kid! Lost your job? Well, I'll be dinged! Why didn't you crack the old crank's bean? MR. R.: Children! ! PROF. I).: Most remarkable, most remarkable. The vocabulary of the younger generation is indeed an overdrawn extravaganza of the Anglo-

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18 Paxton High School Reflector ROSIE (nervously): Yes, what is it? DICK: Well, getting down to plain facts, I can't go on like, this any longer I’ve got to know. Rosie, you remember the night of my cousin Helen's dance, when we were just college kids, I told you—Oh well, you know what 1 told you, and you said you were too young? ROSIE: Yes—yes 1 remember. DICK: And the summer at the seashore when I again told you how much I cared for you, and again you said that you must finish college when your father had been so kind in educating yon. ROSIE: Yes. Dick, yes; but why speak of all this now? Can't we let bygones be bygones? DICK: No, Rosie it will never be bygcnes to me. I have waited for you ever since college days but surely now there is no excuse. I nless— unles.; there is someone else. ROSIE (distractedly): Oh why must you mention that subject again. Of course there is no one else. Oh don't you understand? I must stay here. I’m—I'm— DICK (patiently): Yes? ROSIE: I’m reforming the family. DICK: You're what? ROSIE: Yes, I’m improving their English. DICK: Well I'll be--------! Of all things. But if any one needs reforming it's me. And besides they have had you long enough. Really. Rosie, won't you? ROSIE: No. Dick, I have made my promise and I must keep it. DICK: Very Well, Rosie. ROSIE: Oh Dick, I haven't offended you! Surely, we can part just as friends? DICK: Certainly, Rosalind. I would not have it otherwise and you have my sircerest wishes fcr success in what you have just undertaken. Goodbye. ROSIE: Thank you Dick. Good-lye. (Turning to the audience.) Oh. he doesn’t understand and I’m afraid he is angry. Still, how could I have done otherwise for I so wanted to carry my little plan through. Oh, why, there’s Daddy. (Mr. Rollister steps thru the doorway as Rosie runs forth to meet him.) ROSIE: Why, hello Dad. I was just thinking it was time for you. MR. R. (holding up a warnirg finger): Sh-h-h-h! Where’s Mother? ROSIE: She has gone to the club. Why? MR. R.: Good! I have a little surprise for her and for you too my pet. ROSIE (clasping her father’s hands): Oh what is it? MR. R. (unbuttoning his ccat): Well, you know, Rosalind, how hard your mother has worked all these years. Oh, of course, of course, I know you’ve helped her all you could. Rosie. (Noticing the troubled expression on iiis daughter's face and laying his hard affect’onately on her shoulder.) But still. I always kinda thot she’d maybe like to have a maid. 'Specially after Mrs. Hamilton brought that girl home from the city and you told her how-many servants the Van Replens had when you was visitin' there. So I decided that now you are through school and Jackie has a fair job. and Angeline is getting along so well, we ought to be able tc afford— (Katie stamps into the room hands on hips—Rosie draws back with a gasp of amazement. Mr. R. locks uneasy.) KATIE (pointing to the hall): Faith, and it’s meself that would be (razin' to death in the likes cf sich a hall. MR. R.: Oh—er—Miss Katie. I beg— KATIE (paying not the slightest attention): Indade, Sor, the place I just left was Bke summer, so well hated was the house, Sor.

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20 Paxton High School Reflector Saxon language. The exuberent use of slang is unexcelled by any other country of the t niverse. Why in iny native land, God bless her, such language would be considered indecorous, inelegant, uncouth, unclement, even vulgar. You must remember, my dear young people, that on you rests the responsibility of making your nation the noblest, and les., nor can yon do this without the aid of good English; for you know, as the old saying is, “The pen is mightier than the sword.” (Turning to Rosie.) Po vou r.ot agree with me Miss Rosalind? ROSIE: Indeed, I do, Professor: Their s ang is remarkable. ANGEIdNE: Now Professor Doodley Oodley, you told me once you thought I had temarkahle ideas fer one so yrung. But say, won't you help me write this English theme and give poor little tne a chance to answer this letter that should have gone ages ago? PROF. D. (smiling); Avec plaisir. Madamoiselle Angeline. MR. R.: Well, speaking cf letters, that reminds me, here’s a letter for you Rcs’e, postmarked Tennessee. (Mr. R. hands the letter to Rosie who breaks the seal immediately, while all look up interested.) ROSIE: Oh the perfect dear! What a surprise! How we’ll enjoy having her. ANGELINE: Havin’ who? ’Suprised at what? JACK: Great governor! Spill the beans! ROSIE (holding the letter close): Net until you ask me in the proper way. JACK: Ah. my fair sister, allow me to know the contents of your epistle. ROSIE: Well, it’s from Aunt Priscilla Patterson, and she’s coming to visit us. Isn’t that lovely? ANGELINE: Honest? May I read the letter Rcsie? Site's a picnic all in herself. (Jack whistles, kicks his foct in the air.) JACK: Picnic is tight! Say Professor, you wanta make a mash on her. That old bird sur as got the dough. PROF. D. (figgiting about as usual): Tut, tut. John, tut. tut. Bless my soul! what strarge ideas you have. You know, as 1 was just saying, I never understood the— (Mrs. R. enters.) MRS. R.: All home already? Why, howdy do. Professor. Well I must have been gone longer than I figgered I would be. But we certainly had a tine time. As Angeline says, we all brought our “pep” along and I did make quite a talk on “Better English.” It wasn't so hard after I once got started ar’ I jist—just—mentioned a hundred reasons why we ought to talk better. An’ sakes alive! you can’t imagine who's been ’licted president. ROSIE: Not you Mother! MRS. R.: An' why not me? Ain’. I jist as good for president as Sarie Matthews or Amanthis Warren or even that Mrs. Baxter, who thinks she’s a notch bettern’ the rest of us? Still, I can’t say I deserve the credit—Rosie there, first put the idea in my head. MR. R.: You never knew what you can do. Nettie, until you really try. ROSIE: Oh, it makes me so happy Mother to think that my little plan isn't in vain. JACK: Yes. I’m thinkin’ Sis, you’re O. K. after all. KATIE: An it's meself that’s thinkin' you had better be rattling your bones 'ere the dinner gits cold. (Mrs. R. looks bewildered—confronts her husband exclaiming!) MRS. R.: William Jeremiah Rollister! What have you gone an' did? JACK: “Did” is right. Ha! Ha!