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Page 20 text:
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18 She Landed One, or, The Courtship of Miss Susanne. (A novelette by Florence Hodam, T9.) “l and to goodness. Susanne! Why in the world don’t you ever get married?” said Mrs. Kimberl one day. How old be ye anyhow—nigh onto forty year?” “Now, look here Mis’ Kimberl, I says sometimes other folks can ’tend to some one elses’ business better’n their own,” replied Miss Susanne Jane Picterskins. “Pshaw, now, dearie—no 'fence, no 'fence; I was just a—askin’ a simple interrogative: but say, ain’t ye ever a-goin’ to git married?” “Mis' Kimberl. I think I smell your bread a-burnin’, and I also think ye had better be off over home a-tendin’ your four babies an’ leave me alone”, hotly replied the maiden lady. Mrs. Kimberl, being very good-natured. hurried home, leaving Miss Susanne sitting in her shabby parlor meditating. She thought perhaps Mrs. Kimberl was right about the getting married part, but when it came to asking the age of one who only had a birthday every three years, so to speak, she struck a tender spot. Besides, that was her affair and not Mrs. Kimberl’s. She began to think of the men she knew. “Well, there was Beacon Snubbs, but who would want him,” she thought to herself.” He’s bald-headed. uses a cane, has false teeth, and he’s most awful stingy. Then there's the shoe cobbler, but he's not my class. I allays says to go with some one of your own class and have a good provider. Sakes alive! Si Johnson, the hardware keeper, is jist the feller and he’s a good provider, too—but he’s bald-headed. Say, I’m mighty glad he don’t know I haven’t much hair—and these new curls do make me look quite coy. Glory be! If I don’t go down an’ see him!” So saying, she began to array herself in her finery and curls in preparation for her ‘debut.’ Within an hour, she again swept into the small parlor and began to promnade before the old, cracked mirror. How she threw back her curls and lifted her pink skirt so daintily and flirted with her fan! “Now”, she said to herself. “I’m all ready and I think I look pretty nice, and I’ll break old Si’s heart right smack in two when I look shy at him out of my eyes. I’ll get my mitts an’ I’ll be ready.” In less than ten minutes she neared the small stuffy hardware store where Si Johnson held his reign. SI was near the front gazing absently out the window, when Miss Susanne came up the street. There he is. the dear old fellow!” she exclaimed delightedly to herself. ‘T just knowed he’d be a-lookin’ for me. He sure does look lonesome, ’twont be for long though, ’twont be for long.” Upon entering the sitore, she went directly to him saying: Why, my dear Mr. Johnson, how glad I am to see ye. Ye look quite young an’— “Howdy”, said Si. As I was a-sayin’ afore”, went on Miss Susanne. “I says, says I, I says to my friend Mis’ Kimberl, ‘Now’ jist take Si Johnson fer instance. He’s a model man, he’s a heap nicer than other men and he goes to church ev—er—y Sunday, an’ he’s not one bit of a bit stingy’ ” “Do the best I can,” shortly replied Si. busying himself with some work. “Well, now. I know ye do and so does I,—an’ I gits a long purty fair: but I git fearful lonesome a’livin’ by myself, don’t ye?” she asked very anxiously. “No, ma’am, I don’t. Me an’ my dog. we git along alright”, he grouch-ingly replied.
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Page 21 text:
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19 “But, my dear Si,” she explained, “I want to go to prayer meetin’ tonight and there ain’t no one agoin’ from up our way. Ben’t ye agoin’?” “No, I ain’t,” he growled. “Well, if that an’t jist too bad. Here I was a countin’ on ye agoin’ and ye ain’t”, she said very disappointed. Then, “Well, I’ll have to be agoin’ now. Si; but, if ye do want to go, jist you let me know and I’ll come an’ see ye there if you’re afeared. Ye’re sich a little feller.’ And then she left. “Well, what in the world a-livin’ does that old maid want!” exploded Si, as the door closed and he turned to the other men. “Wonder what she wants. She ain’t got no bill she wants to be let off from. Never bought nuthin' but a mouse trap, onct.” “Now, Si, see here, she’s an old maid and this is leap year,” said one of the men. “Put two and two together and ye’ll have four.” “Never was good at ’rithmetic,” replied Si.” but I see thru this; but, by cracky, she won’t land me! I won’t go to prayer meetin’ neither, even if I haven’t missed for fifteen year!” And he didn’t go; but, early the next morning, who should come in just as he was sweeping out, but Miss Susanne herself. “There’s that blamed old maid agin, an’ I’m not agoin' to have her a-pe«-terin’ me,’ he said under his breath. “Oh.” said the maiden lady, tearfully, Oh, Si. I didn't see ye there last night. I missed ye so. What was the matter? “Did, eh! Well, I wasn’t there. I expects that’s why ye didn’t see me”, he drawled. “Oh, my goodness, goodness, Ye’re so hard hearted!”, she groaned sinking down on a nearby bread box; then resolutely, “I want ye, an’ I’m agoin’ to marry ye, too.” “Ye are, eh! allays took two to git married I beared once,” he said slowly and then angrily, “and I wouldnt’ have an’ old maid like you as a gift from my great grandmother! Madam, there’s the door! You old, mean, old bachelor—and then call me on ODD maid!”, she cried out as she rushed to the door. Si sat down and just laughed as tho’ his sides would split. When she arrived home, she resolved to live the rest of her life in “solitaire an’ loneliness,” as she expressed it. However, this lasted for only two days. Upon hearing of the incident. Farmer Smith, a widower, decided to visit her. When he came up the walk, all arrayed in his Sunday clothes, MiBS Susanne was hurriedly prinking before the mirror, and wondered if her cheeks were too rosy and if she looked quite coy. She admitted him and asked him to have a chair. He stuttered, twirling his hat on his hand; “Er—ah, ye see—wrell that is I’d ruther stand. Er—ah. Miss Susanne, I called to see—er—er—if you would er—have some hay put in the barn.” “No, thanks, Mr. Smith. I haven’t a barn,” she said very disappointedly. “Now, Susanne, you know jist is well as I do, what I want to say. I’m lonely and—” “I am too,” she cried, “an’ I know what you want plain as day”; and she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight—and just then. Si Johnson opened the door. He said, “Ah, er—(Ahem) I'h afraid I’m intruding—er—” “Yes ye be,” said Susanne,’ git right out ’fore I kiss him right afore ye!” And she did! 11
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