Onarga Township High School - Onarquois Yearbook (Onarga, IL)

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Hollywood, California May —, 1967 Squire CXientin Cultra Cultra Ranch Cultraville, Australia Dear Quen, I certainly enjoyed my stay last month at your 750,000 acre sheep ranch with its 300 oil wells. There was just one drawback, I just couldn't get used to diving into that swimming pool filled with money. Well, now I know why they call you “Scrooge. As for myself, I just finished my latest picture with Natalie Wood. It's called “Alone In The Desert. Of course I had Natalie to keep me company, but you don't know the tremendous strain you go through. Speaking of strains, I just happened to be in the old home town a couple of days ago. You'd be surprised. Oiarga has changed hardly at all. I stopped in at the old high school, and I saw Mr. Jones, who's still Principal and head of the Science Department. Mr. Jones was in the process of giving IQ Tests to the Seniors. You remember the IQ Tests, don't you Quen? I used to think IQ stood for Idiot Questions. Anyway, you’ll never guess who Mr. Jones's chief assistant in the electronics field is. Why it’s good ole “Charger Erwin. I understand Duane was responsible for the wire tapping of the boys restrooms to put a halt to the wastepaper-basket gang. On the way out, I met Mrs. “Butch Johnson, head of the Commerce Department. I can't understand how Nancy can teach school and raise ten kids at the same time. After leaving the school, I happened to bump into Ernie Wright, and I mean bump into. Ernie came careening out of a corner and ran into me. After I came to, Ernie and I had a nice polite conversation about the weather, and then we went down to Durham Park where we beheld Wright's Drag Strip. Ernie was in a hurry to get there because he was slated to drive against Robert “Rex Patterson. Rex was just back from Africa where he and JohnZirkle and Larry “Al Balding had conducted their latest Safari. Next year the Rover Boys plan to cross the Amazon Jungle by dog sled. They always did do things the hard way. After the race, I talked to Ernie's chief mechanic, Tom “Greasy Thumb Weakley. Tom’s one of the best mechanics in the business, and you know he'd have to be to put a car together after Wright gets through with it. Tom’s wife, Diana, was at “Greasy Thumb’s greasy elbow handing him tools. After that, Rex, Ernie, and I drove over a block south to Bill Reed’s Marathon Station. We saw Onarga’s Famous Story-Teller propped up in a chair chewing the fat with Don Crist, “The Gentleman Farmer of RidgeviHe. As usual. Bill was expounding on the subject, “Why The Cubs Will Win The Pennant This Year. We asked Don about his old side-kick, Larry Wulff. He said that Larry had moved out to Arizona, where he now has a pig farm, and he has become Arizona State’s Champion Hog-Caller. Going into town, Ernie pointed out the old Mode Theatre, now a spacious block long Burlesque Palace owned and operated by Barbara Fisher and Maxine Gercken. They say the popcorn there is the best in the Middle West.

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I, Larry Wulff, do hereby will my ability to miss school to Gene Dickenson. I, Larry “ Al” Balding, do hereby will my excellent throwing arm and my favorite tomato patches to Earl Bork and Jack “Bewsey” Bailey and hope they will make good use of them. I, Quentin “Q Cultra, do hereby will my criminal mind to Jack Bailey and Earl Bork who will be needing it a lot. I, Ernest “Ernie” Wright, do hereby will my ability to peel to John Pruitt, who seems to need it. I, Barbara “Barb” Fisher, do hereby will my ability to refrain from using profane language to Diana O’Hare. I, Dan “Speed” Norvell, do hereby will my ability to get to school on time to Bucket Hoy. I, Donald “Butch” Crist, do hereby will Laurie to Bob Harris for his sister-in-law. I, Maxine “Gertie” Gercken, do hereby will my height to Elaine Bohlmann. I, Marjorie Margie” Weakley, do hereby will my long naturally curly hair to Diana O’Ha re. I, Tom Weakley, do hereby will my ability of getting caught by one of those Baker girls to Glen Molck. WE, the Seniors girls, do hereby will our'ability to steal waterriTeloilS out of tiie boys' locker room and not get caught to the Junior girls. WE, the Senior Class, do hereby make this our last will and testament in the year of our Lord, One thousand nine hundred and fifty-seven. Witnesses: Fay Krapf, Ralph D. Buswell

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Ernie tells me there was quite a merger a couple of years ago when Larry finally popped the question to Ardis, now they own the only place in town where you can get a prescription filled and have your pants pressed at the same time. While we were uptown, we met Mrs. Larry Leonard, who was shopping. She told me that Little Larry Jr. was six years old now. Barbara also told us that Ruth Virkus was now quite famous for solving the Grimes case for the FBI, and that she was being considered to replace J. Edgar Hoover next year. We stopped in at Schmidt’s Hast House for coffee, and we saw our old classmate, Ellen. Ellen was voted Miss Soup Slinger of 1965, a worthy honor for one of our distinguished classmates. Marge Weakley and Mary Crist joined the Navy; the recruiters tried to tell them it was for men only, but the girls were very insistent. The Navy says that they’re never had it so good!!! Well, Quen, I have to get back to the ole grind. My next picture is “Marooned On A Desert Island,” co-starring Jayne Mansfield. I really just have to take another vacation. This work is getting me down. Your old classmate. Dan “Always Leave Them Laughing” Norvell