Onarga Township High School - Onarquois Yearbook (Onarga, IL)

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□ THE ’45 ONARQUOIS □ who was bewitched by her charming smile, while she was selling tickets at the Mode Theatre. It was now about 9 o’clock and being hungry again we decided to visit the new cafeteria which is located where our old Home Ec room used to be and dishing up the food was our ex-classmate Betty “Bed” Barnett. Betty is head dietician of the school. Noticing a crowd around the athletic cage we came closer and recognized the tall, dark, handsome figure in the center of the crowd as our old school mate, “Sad Sam” Brantley. He was swinging a couple of baseball bats and relating his experiences as center-fielder with the Chicago “Flubs”. He gave us some tickets (or forced us to take them) to the play “Romeo and Juliet” at the South State Street Theatre. Sam has the leading role in the play during his off season. Passing out sale bills for Townsend and Olson’s we discovered Evelyn Rueck. Asking her how she was coming as bookkeeper for T. and O. she told us, “With my new system of arithmetic I now own the store.” Suddenly we heard the thunder of galloping hoofs and into the arena rode Mr. and Mrs. Wayne McNeil and their All-Star troupe. As Wayne leaped from a diamond studded saddle we overheard someone behind us saying that Wayne now is making a living running a race track in Crescent City and that his wife supports the family by taking in washing. Attracted by the high-pitched voices of two ladies discussing the merits of baby foods and of a new type safety-pin, guaranteed not to “rust, shrink or stick”, we looked about us and discovered the flaming red hair of Utopia Gagnon — formerly Tope Kincade — and Donna Johnson — formerly Donna Arends. Tope is now residing on a farm south of Onarga, and as she put it she is raising her family in the good old fashioned way, with the baby bottle, instead of the modern cosmic-ray self-feeder. Donna lives with her husband on a large cattle ranch in Texas. The old familiar ringing of 3 bells took us to the assembly. Here the speaker’s platform was covered with microphones on a world-wide hookup. The entertainment began when a short pudgy fellow, a cross between the Mad-Russian and Jimmy Durante, came to the mikes and started a comedy routine. We readily recognized him as our old friend, “Spec” Pierce. Pierce now has his own comedy show originating in Television City, Kentucky. Said Spec, “I owe all my success to the start I had in our Senior English Class”. Immediately upon the termination of his skit the assembly was filled with an ear-split-tin’ shriek, and we knew that it was none other than the “Songbird” of the class of ’45, Peggy Uphoff. She is billed as Judy Canova, the second, of the airways. Peggy turned down an offer from the Dogpatch Civic Opera Company just to be here tonight. A scientific demonstration was next on the program. Those two eminent scientists, F. R. Mitchell and J. C. Wright were in charge. They demonstrated their latest in-

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□ THE ’45 ONAKQUOIS □ Senior Qlass Prophecy □ □ We three have been commissioned to look into the future of the graduating class of 1945. Last week we skipped, I mean signed out, of school, and borrowed Alley Oop’s time machine. Setting it for 1965 we stepped into the machine. Bill Fickle (one of the finer electricians of Onarga) had volunteered to operate this splendid machine in which we journeyed into the glowing future. We landed on a street corner and saw a huge neon sign reading, “Rabe’s Delicates-san”. We were greeted there by Professor Paul Eugene Schnurr Ph. D., B. A., ABC., W. P. A., etc., etc., head of the Agricultural Department of Ridgeville Technilogical School. He invited us to attend the annual alumni banquet being held at O. T. H. S. We made a quick trip in the Professor’s new helicopter and soon found ourselves seated in the giant gymnasium of O. T. H. S. We noticed a huge swimming pool where the Manual training room had been. We had a delicious meal of dehydrated vegetables, powdered dog biscuit, and Cosmic ray-treated oranges, topped off by a dessert of vitamin pills. After eating we looked about us and were immediately attracted by a dazzling red tie. At second glance we recognized Robert Hockersmith, the now famous matinee idol. You younger folks may not recognize him by that name, for he has taken the screen name of Mark Sable. He called our attention to the fact that all of the tasties on the Menu had been whipped up by Prof. Paul Schnurr in his lab. In the recreation room we found Kenneth Sterrenberg playing ping pong. Ken is the ping pong coach at the U. of D. (University of Delrey). In our conversation with him we asked how his team was doing. Ken said, “My team has lost 12 consecutive meets, but that’s all right, because I’m building character this year.” We heard the sound of sobbing in the corner and discovered that it was Miss Blanche Lindsay. Miss Lindsay informed us that she has been residing in the Old Maids’ home writing her Memoirs, entitled, “My Secret Loves”, or, “3 Ways To Robe the Cradle.” The next person who caught our eye was the former Katherine Meints, now known as Mme. Mitzi, the famous dress designer from Paris, who revolutionized the clothing industry by utilizing gunnysacks in her latest creation, “The Chicken Feed Special”. A delightful break came next, as we were entertained by William Cox, the debonair instructor of Arthur Murray’s Dancing School in Chicago. He demonstrated a new dance, “The Barnyard Shuffle”. He received the inspiration for this while vacationing at his farm. We were suddenly blinded by flash light bulbs of photographers, who were taking pictures of that renowned model of the “Kleen ’Em Fine” Toothpaste Co., Miss Shirley Non-neman. She was discovered by a talent scout,

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□ THE ’45 ONARQUOIS □ vention, a duraglass face shield for protection while eating grapefruit. Also a plasti-glass collar guard to catch drippings and seeds while eating watermelon. That ended the program. We were surprised to see Doris Cupp because for the past 20 years she has been enrolled in the “Gay Caballero Rhumba Academy in Rio de Janerio, Brazil. She told us that she finally had mastered the intricate art of the rhumba, samba, etc., and has accepted the leading role in “Earl Betourne’s Vanities of 1965.” Doris introduced us to several of the band members and pointed out our old classmate Glea Thorne. We had a talk with Thorne (or rather Thorne talked to us) and found he is now a Broadway producer of musical comedies. He is now making preparations for his new gigantic show in which all of the chorus girls are redheads. This is a carry-over from his high school attraction for redheads. Going outside to inspect the new football field and the lighting equipment (including a spotlight) we saw at the far end a cloud of dust and a pair of headlights. As the cloud came closer we saw it was the latest Ford creation. The driver was a lady and as she unfastened her safety belt and took off her crash helmet we recognized her as Shirley Colebank. Shirley is now a test driver for the Ford Company. Her interests in Fords originated back in the “Good Old Days” when she was a senior at OTHS where she specialized in Fords (especially those with two tone horns). Leaving the field and returning to the gym for the closing dance we were accosted by a tall, dark, scholarly fellow who said, “Do your feet trouble you? Are you bothered with out-grown toenails? Do you have bunions? If so, try Peters’ Special Foot Cure Pads.” It was then that we recognized him as Dick Peters, our classmate of ’45. Questioning him further, Dick told us that he had invented these pads himself while serving in the infantry. He assured us that they were the best because he and his buddies had used them many times and could testify to their healing qualities. The band began playing the last dance, “The Anniversary Waltz”, and even the boys danced. (So you can see that this MUST be in the distant future). As the last strains died away we silently slipped into the night and before we knew what had happened we found ourselves back in the Onarga of the present. Smoke, black smoke, rolled through the Civic's door. Quoth the culprit, “Never more!” (With due apologies to Poe.)